Zara had a loving husband and 'picture perfect' family. Then she fell in love with another mum.

Zara Cooper had the 'picture perfect' life from the outside. 

And from the inside, it was good as well. She and her husband Joel had a loving marriage for well over a decade; they had three children together and had built a strong family unit for themselves.

But Zara couldn't escape the feeling that something was missing. 

Then she met 'her' - a fellow mum at a children's birthday party. And the connection was instant.

"As a teenager, I would look at people around me hooking up or seeking it and I remember going 'what is wrong with me?' I didn't want male validation, I didn't feel comfortable under the gaze of males. I didn't even particularly love getting physically close with them," Zara told Sophie Cachia on Mamamia's podcast HER.

Listen to Zara's interview with Sophie Cachia on Her about falling in love with a woman at 36. Post continues after. 

At 36, Zara had never fully considered her sexuality or whether she was gay. But in the lead-up to that children's birthday party, Zara had begun to notice she was feeling attracted to women around her. And it was intense.

"At the same time, it was never like 'Oh that's because I like women'. I didn't know anybody who was 'experimenting' with the same sex," she recalled. 

When Zara was in Year 12, she met Joel. And unlike the other boys, she immediately felt safe and comfortable with him.

"It was love at first sight. I met him at 17. That first night when I kissed him, I didn't feel disgusted or weird. I remember thinking 'well maybe I'm not so weird after all'. We grew up together, were together then for 20 years, had three children together and life was amazing."

For years, Zara's focus was her family. But after her third child, something switched within her - "I felt maternally done". Now, she had the space to focus on herself and her desires. And it was at this point that she developed a crush on a woman.

"I started having crush-like feelings on my then-best friend. That's when my life really started to change. I had never felt a sexual attraction towards a woman ever. Looking back, I can now see that I had an infatuation with my grade six teacher, or my camp leader in year eight. They were totally crushes - I couldn't stop thinking about them, and I wanted them to notice me. It only clicked later," she explained to Sophie Cachia on Her.

Watch: Glennon Doyle untamed on her marriage, sexuality and choosing an authentic life. Post continues below.

Zara felt the real 'her' had been buried inside for so long and it was only later in life that it could blossom. 

Then Zara met Janine at the kindergarten party both their kids were invited to. And time stopped. 

"It was an instant connection. At the time, I didn't know she was gay. I just remember that feeling when we started talking, like the entire party except us and our two children had disappeared. Nothing else existed. I remember thinking to myself 'this conversation can't end'. I'd never felt that before. And it turns out, it was mutual."

As they got to know each other, they realised one another was gay. They spoke about their tattoos, their children, and their views on life. They were both however still in long-term relationships. 

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"We decided straightaway to figure out what was happening - she was in her situation, I was in mine. I wanted to be out in the open. I wanted to be honest, so I told Joel straightaway about what I was feeling and realising I was gay. Then I told my family, friends. Then she and I got to know each other more."

Zara met Janine on December 15. By mid-January, Joel and Zara were separated. 

It took time, of course, for the dust to settle and to figure out Zara's family's new normal. There were "reshuffles and reconfiguration", and it was "a big change for everybody". But in the end, it worked itself out. 

"My ex-husband and I share custody 50/50. I loved him and he was my person at that stage in my life. He was the person I was meant to have children with and it has been a really difficult thing for him to go through. But he's done it really well," Zara said.

"The majority of marriages break down - the ones who stay together to keep that family unit together. A lot of them are unhappy. I just I don't subscribe to that. When I was 23 I promised to be with him forever, but I'm a different person now."

As for making things official with Janine, Zara said they were cautious about introducing one another to their children. And today, they only live together when they don't have their children. When they have their children with them (as per custody agreements) they stay at their separate residences but merge together for sleepovers or dinners. 

"We took our time and it was a conscious decision. Together we have five kids, they still all go to the same school and my kids adore her. It's such a gorgeous dynamic. It feels very safe and amazing."

And the first time Zara and Janine had sex, it was on a whole other level. 

"It was amazing. It was like coming home. It was also staggering to me how natural it felt. I had never even kissed a woman. I guess when you throw a fish in water it just knows how to swim. That was me - I was the fish. It was like the physical side [of sex] and the mental side were aligning."

On HER with Sophie Cachia, Zara explained that finding this new level of pleasure wasn't a dig at her now ex-husband. Because unlike sex with men, Zara said being with a woman felt more emotionally right and that heightened all her feelings. 

"I think women fill my cup in a way that men cannot. And that's not a personal attack against men. And I know sexuality is a spectrum. But for me, it's like men just never have and never will be able to fill my cup and touch my soul in a way that women can."

Zara now feels content with her life. She runs a successful business, PaperKrane Shoes. She loves being a mum. She has a beautiful partner who fills her cup. And finally, Zara feels settled within herself. 

"Before I was probably a bit monochromatic. Now I'm all the colours of the rainbow. I had the courage to pursue my truth. It wasn't easy. It hurt people. It changed lives. But my instinct and my gut told me it was the right thing to do. I just knew it was meant to be her."

For more from Zara Cooper, you can follow her on Instagram here, and keep up to date with her business PaperKrane Shoes here.

Feature Image: Supplied.

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