Mother's Day: Reality versus expectation.

I’m really looking forward to Sunday. But experience tells me it won’t be the relaxing treat-fest the world’s preparing me for…

Over the weekend my son asked me what I’d like to do for Mother’s Day and before I could even answer, my husband interjected with, “For us to leave her alone”. I know he was kidding, but I suddenly wondered if there was an element of truth to it.

Mother’s Day is all about celebrating mothers and thanking them for everything that they do. Well, that’s the theory. Some suggest it’s just another confected “Hallmark holiday” to prop up the retail industry. I say, “So what?” We should take any and every opportunity to celebrate mothers – they do a bloody great job.

In theory, on the big day, she should be allowed a sleep in, only to be woken (at a reasonable hour) to the smell of fresh coffee and a fully cooked breakfast in bed. Then the rest of the day is really just a series of pleasures. Foot massages and lunch at her favourite restaurant with a total ban on her stepping inside the kitchen for the entire 24-hour period.

Or, to put in visual terms – THIS:

REALITY:

As beautiful as that story sounds. It plays out a little more like this:

6am: Smallest child pries my left eye open to tell me that the cat has vomited on the carpet.

6:01 I rise to clean cat vomit.

6:02 Husband rouses and realises what day it is and tells me to go back to bed, that he’s got this.

6:03 I return to bed. Now fully awake. He heads to the bathroom. I get up.

6:05 Smallest child walks in cat vomit and then walks it around the house. Husband is still on the toilet.

6:06 I yell at smallest child to sit down and stop walking it through the house.

6:07 Husband yells from inside of toilet that he’s “got this” and to go back to bed.

6:10 Smallest child and I wait on the couch.

6:11 I clean up cat vomit.

6:12 Middle child rises and comes to see what I’m doing. Unfortunately, he’s a sympathy spewer and involuntarily vomits on my back.

6:14 Husband emerges to what appears to be the Exorcist movie.

6:15 Oldest child runs downstairs to see what the commotion is, heaves and retreats to her room.

6:16 I shower.

6:45 Take Two. I return downstairs. Boys are freshly bathed. Husband adamant we start Mother’s Day again.

6:55 Two smallest in kitchen cooking me bacon and eggs. I cannot see what could possibly go wrong.

7:00 Husband suggests I go back to bed as boys want to serve me breakfast in bed. I get back into bed and start to read a book I’ve been longing to read since last October.

7:02 Smoke alarm sounds. Smells like small fire has erupted in kitchen. Husband yells out to assure me that all is fine.

7:15 I yell out to see if they would like some help to a chorus “No, stay where you are”.

7:30 Getting hungry. Can still inexplicably smell vomit.

7:45 All three children appear at my door, one holding a plate, one a cup of coffee and the other brightly wrapped presents.

7:45 I am covered in coffee. Whose idea was it to give the smallest one the cup of coffee to walk with?

7:50 I take proceedings downstairs declaring that it will be safer for all. Plus mattress now needs to air.

8:00 I start to bite into my lovely egg and bacon sandwich. Some might note that the toast was somewhat on the black dark brown side and that the coffee had the consistency of treacle but hey, it was made with love, so I eat it. I just eat it slowly.

8:10 I am encouraged to open my presents. The first one from my 2nd son. A painting of the famous ‘Sunflowers’ by Monet.

8:11 My husband and I look at each other in silent recognition that my son has just painted what looks like a penis for me.

8:12 The youngest hands me his carefully bought gift from the Mother’s Day stall at school. It is a small container with flowers on the front that he tells me is to “keep my smokes in”. Oh. That’d be great if I, you know, smoked.

8:13 The eldest gives me a slickly wrapped present she assures me she chose herself. It’s the first Game Of Thrones book. The very same book she’s been asking for me for over a month. Well played daughter, well played.

8:15 I finish as much as I can stomach of my prepared-with-love-breakfast and ask what else we will be doing for the day. Husband shrugs his shoulders.

8:16 I get up to wash some dishes. No-one stops me.

9am I suggest we go out for a walk. No one is keen. I go for a walk alone.

10am I suggest we go to the park. Youngest child is VERY keen. The others not so much. They stay home.

10:30 The youngest and husband and I head to park. Youngest child falls and hurts leg within first 10 minutes. Good chance it’s broken. We drive to hospital.

12:30pm Still in ER. Waiting on X-Rays.

2:30 Broken leg. Lunch was a delicious bag of Twisties from vending machine complimented by a 600ml Coke.

5:30pm Home. Husband suggests we go out for dinner. I gently remind him that it’s Mother’s Day. Most places will be booked. How about take away? I call the local Chinese and it’s decided due to fact that I’ve had the least to drink that I should go and retrieve it.

7:30pm I hop up to clear the plates and am told by all four of my family members to sit down. To relax. So I do.

Happy Mother’s Day to me right!?

Would I change my day?

Not in heartbeat.

I no longer have my Mum around to cook breakfast for or buy well intentioned but unnecessary presents for. So no, I wouldn’t change my day being surrounded by those that I love and those that love me.

Despite the chaos, despite the fact that you may wish yourself into an alternate universe at times, make sure this Mother’s Day you also stop and absorb the beautiful world that is now yours. One you adore and deserve.

Happy Mother’s Day!

This post originally appeared on iVillage.com.au, and is republished here with full permission.

Does this sound familiar to you? What’s your most memorable Mother’s Day? And do you have any unrealistic Mother’s Day expectations?