"My approach to motherhood and why I got it so wrong."

When I found out that I was pregnant with my first child I was overjoyed and scared. My first instinct was to deal with my fear by trying to learn as much as I could about how to take care of a baby.

I read loads of books about becoming a first time mum. I read about how to take care of a newborn, about baby sleep routines, about other women’s experiences and the methods and techniques that they used with their children.

I wanted to feel prepared and informed. I wanted to feel confident that I knew exactly what to do when my baby arrived and I wanted to feel in control.

I likened motherhood to a university assignment or a work project. I needed a plan, I needed information and I needed to learn as much as I could about how to be a mother.

I looked to other mothers and baby experts for processes and guidelines that I could follow and implement.

Surely if I prepared myself and gathered enough information to make informed decisions, then being a mother and looking after a baby would be a breeze?

I soon realised after the birth of my baby that this approach was not working for me at all. I was struggling big time!

I felt like a failure. I felt frustrated, anxious and stressed. Despite all of my efforts I could not get the routines I had read about in the books to work.

My baby didn’t want to go to sleep at the scheduled nap times. She cried and cried in her cot as I became more and more anxious. She wasn’t hungry at the dedicated meal times and feeding her became a dreaded task. Why couldn’t I make the routines work? What was wrong with me?

These books were best sellers. How could they work for so many mothers before me and not work for me? I was trying so hard and being so diligent. My conclusion was that I was just no good at being a mother. I was letting my baby down. She was looking to me for guidance and care and I was failing her.

I didn’t enjoy being a mother. I woke up most days totally paralysed with fear. I was in a constant state of anxiety and hyperventilation.

It was when my first baby was around 6 months that I realised why my approach to motherhood was not working for me. This realisation or revelation as I like to call it was so liberating, like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

I was trying t0 ‘learn' how to be a mother by directly applying someone else’s routines, methods and experiences to my baby and my situation.

I realised that my baby didn’t fit into a box. She didn’t come with a set of guidelines and procedures that needed to be strictly adhered to.

I was over thinking how to care for my baby. I realised that I already knew how to be a mother. Motherhood is an instinct that cannot be taught or learned. All I had to do was trust my mothers-instinct and listen to my child and do what I felt was right for US.

Today, I pride myself on being a more relaxed mother. I am able to trust my mothers instinct. I am a mother to my children.

I listen to my children. I feel comfortable to indulge in nursing, comforting, cuddling and holding my children without feeling that it will result in negative consequences.

I am no longer plagued by feelings of failure and inadequacy. I allow myself to do things my way and most importantly, I know what it means to ENJOY being a mother.

Did you take a similar approach to motherhood? 

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