5 sexy tips that are wildly inappropriate for Christmas Day.

While channel surfing last week, I landed on a scene on that new program Wonderland where a bunch of women (I don’t watch the show so stay with me) were discussing the virtues of the Brazilian wax. The girls were all hanging out together in a day spa of some kind (as you do) and were encouraging Brooke Satchwell’s character to go hair free for the first time. Anyway, spoiler alert, she has a Brazilian, has great sex afterwards, feels “free” blah blah never looks back. Late to the Brazilian Party.

I must confess that as I watched, I thought to myself  “Oh, how cute that Brooke Satchwell’s fictional character has only just discovered the Brazilian.” And then I realised there have been a number of things I’ve been late to the party on too:

1.The scoop and grab

Getting dressed to go out a few weeks back, I was complaining to my husband about my post breastfeeding cleavage, or to be more accurate the lack thereof. The problem was, the dress I was wearing sucked everything in but also flattened down what’s left of my post baby breasts.

“Why don’t you do that scoop thingy?” My husband offered helpfully.

“Say what now?”

“You know. The scoop thingy.” He proceeded to stick his hand into my bra, skillfully scooping each boob into the centre. Instant cleavage. I felt like I’d cracked some secret code of womanhood.

“My god!” I said, admiring my new Victoria’s Secret parade-worthy rack. “How was I not aware of this before? How did you even know about this?”

“Everybody knows about it,” my husband said, waving a google search result under my nose. “Here look. It’s called the scoop and grab.”

Well there you go. Scooped and grabbed indeed.

2.Lipstick

After a failed experiment with one of my mother’s bright red lipsticks when I was about 17, the result of which left more colour on my teeth than on my lips, I became more of a clear gloss kind of girl. If I was feeling really brave, the gloss might have had a slight red tint to it.

Wild times. And then I had a baby and shortly after, like a true grown up, I discovered the power of the lipstick. It’s amazing what a splash of bright pink can do for a sleep deprived, slightly grey, new mum face. Pure magic.

3. Ryan Gosling

I’ve never seen The Notebook and for a very long time, I thought Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds were one and the same. I did not get the Ryan Gosling thing at all. And then I watched Crazy Stupid Love. You know that scene where Ryan takes his shirt off and Emma Stone says that he looks all photoshopped.

Well, I reacted audibly. Like, actually sucked in my breath. My husband hasn’t let me live it down. Especially as I very rarely lust after celebrities, particularly popular ones. I’ve since unashamedly jumped on board the Ryan Gosling bandwagon. I get The Gos.

4. Vibrators

It wasn’t until my early 20s that I discovered the joy of the vibrator.  I now own an impressive collection of all colours, shapes and sizes and am quite the sex toy connoisseur. But you see, this was back in the days before being able to order something discretely online. There was no way I was dragging my shy sorry self into a sex shop. It took a boyfriend buying me one as a gift before I realised the true, friend for life, that is the vibrator.

5. ABC 4 Kids

This one is more than a tad embarrassing. Deplorable, really. It wasn’t until my baby was about 8 months old that I discovered there was a whole channel devoted to children’s television. An entire channel of non-stop Peppa Pig, Thomas the Tank Engine, Fireman Sam, In the Night Garden goodness. I was totally late to that party. But the party hasn’t stopped since I uncovered this glorious little nugget. Hello quiet shower. Hello ability to cook dinner. Hello Tao from Play School.

Lady Chatterley is a writer of life, sex, love and relationships; the real, the raw and the raunchy. You can follow her on twitter here 

Is there anything you’ve been late to the party on? Spill.