The most candid online dating profile we have ever seen.

A few weeks ago, we received an email from a woman named Cherie McKay.

Cherie told us she recently divorced, a mum of four, and was interested in doing some writing.

She sent us her dating profile as a way to get to know her.

We replied and told Cherie her dating profile was one of the best we’ve ever read. And she agreed to let us publish it.

By CHERIE MCKAY

My Self-Summary

I am a confident, happy, fit and healthy woman who knows what she wants. I take pride in my appearance and make sure I go to the gym at least 6 times a week where my personal trainer pushes me to the limits. I follow a strict macrobiotic diet just so I look amazing as I walk down the red carpet…

WAIT, I was just reading a 3 year old trashy women’s magazine at a friend’s house, I think I have accidentally confused myself with Gwyneth Paltrow. I am infact a tired, frazzled, stressed and frustrated single mum of 4 children. Yes! You read that right, I have not 1 or 2 kids, but 4 of them! And, not only that, I hit the jackpot and managed to have 4 BOYS!

I am a keen photographer and you may have seen me out in the wild attempting to shoot my children. You will recognise me by my insane screaming as I direct my children to all look and fucking smile at the camera, at the same bloody time so we can send Grandad a nice photo! Sheesh!!

What I’m doing with my life

– Raising boys using puppy training ideals.
– Delivering babies and educating parents.
– Photographing people on a day they will eventually look back at and realise they shouldn’t have said “I do”.
– Looking for a babysitter.

I’m really good at:

– Stepping on lego.
– Finding missing socks.
– Taking photographs.
– Writing hilarious dating profiles in an attempt to hide my baggage and pain.

The first things people usually notice about me

My boobs… But you already knew that didn’t you?

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

BOOKS

Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph, Save Our Sleep by Tizzie Hall, Women’s Weekly Birthday Cake Book (we’ve all had a cake from that book as a kid), various children’s books by Mem Fox and Pamela Allen, but I don’t to ruin your fantasy of me by talking about the books I read to my kids at night. “Helping Your Children Through Divorce” is also probably something you don’t want to hear about

Oh, and you can tell Stephen Covey to stick his entire range of 7 habits up his arse! (may he rest in piece)…I love to read and usually have at least 1 paper book and one e-reader on the go. My favourite authors include: Mitch Album and Alexander McCall Smith. I enjoy biographies and have read many books based during China’s Mao era and South Africa during the 80’s.

I’m currently reading How to Kill Your Husband on my e-reader and Yves Saint Laurent’s biography in hard back. I do have a thing for self help books too…

MUSIC

Don’t be a hater but I’m into 90’s RnB! Angie Stone, Janet Jackson, Missy Elliot, Charlie Wilson, Ne-Yo. I do occasionally break out U2, Keith Urban, Crowded House, The Violent Femms… I love music and listen to the radio during most of my day.

TV SHOWS

I prefer to listen to music, but occasionally a TV show will captivate me. I am sure many other women list Offspring, and so will I! I also love Seinfeld, King of Queens, Entourage, Deadwood, the Sopranos and wait for it….M*A*S*H.

MOVIES

Toy Story, The Lion King and the Incredibles.. You’ll be amazed at what I can do while these movies are on!My top few include Limitless, The Adjustment Bureau, Fight Club, The Matrix, Top Gun, Jerry Maguire, The Butterfly Effect, The Lakehouse.

FOOD

Will eat anything. I didn’t get this fat without food.

The six things I could never do without

1. My ex husband who also happens to be the father of all 4 of my children….Hang on…

Just realised the question is about things I can’t live without, not things I COULD live without!Obviously I could go on about food, clean water, clean air etc, but for the purpose of this exercise I think I will focus on 1st world objects of affection.1. My camera and lens collection, specifically my 50mm.

2. My portable 1tb hard drive (and its 2 back-ups), along with my USB and SD card collection (yes, I am a GB whore).

3. My shapewear undies that make my waist 10cms smaller, but act like a chastity belt.

4. Sunscreen (have I mentioned that I’m a ginger?)

5. My KIA Grand Carnival (I refuse to put those stupid stick families on it).

6. Dora the Explorer bandaids.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

My epic journey to NYC that I am planning for the sole purposes of people watching and street photography…Often my thoughts are interrupted by the tantrum screaming of a 4 year old boy at Coles and I suddenly remember that I should be thinking about my weekly shopping list. And then as I start to walk away from the said screaming 4 year old, my thoughts are focused around pretending that he isn’t actually mine.Occasionally I wonder if I should remove all mention of my children from my profile as I suspect they are not a very attractive proposition to a single man. I think that after a few dates with me, you’d be so hooked in my boobs, wit and intelligence that you wouldn’t care even if I had 8 little sprogs.

On a typical Friday night I am

Begging local teens to babysit for me so I can have a few quiet drinks with friends.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

I regret not teaching my boys to sit down to pee.
I prefer the taste of UHT milk.

I’m looking for

– Guys who like girls
– Ages 42–54
– Near me
– Who are single
– For new friends, long-term dating

You should message me if

1) You want to marry me and help raise my 4 children. You will note from my profile photo that I do already own a very suitable wedding dress.

2) If you can admit that it was my boobs that bought you to my profile.

3) If you want me to photograph you so that you can have a better profile photo. And trust me, most of you have terrible photos and this is why you aren’t getting laid!

4) If you own a HTC and not an iPhone.

5) If you want to pamper me with gifts and be my sugar daddy.

6) If you want to sponsor my trip to NYC.

7) If you’re a babysitter.

8) If you can play the steering wheel drums.

9) If you want to go on a date with my friend (see photos).

10) If I yelled out “Honey, where’s my super suit?”, you’d know how to reply.

11) If you feel compelled (like many before you) to say “Your profile is great, shame about the 4 kids”

DO NOT MESSAGE ME IF:

1) You live overseas.

2) You are married or attached.

3) You enjoy it when women fall for you but you’ve got no intention of falling for them.

4) You want me to Skype or send naked photos!

Melbournian to the heart, soon to be divorced Mama of 4 boys who takes amazing photos most of the time. Cherie is currently writing her first book while working towards graduating from one of the university degrees she has started. She’s an entrepreneur, very creative and sometimes downright ridiculous. You can find her on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and Google+.