By ANGIE THOMPSON.
I was once a victim of workplace bullying. I was bullied pretty badly. I was called names, constantly heard whispers and sniggers behind my back and I ended up crying in the bathroom on more than one occasion. I wasn’t in school though.
This workplace bullying happened a couple of years ago.
Just as an FYI, you should know that this post is sponsored by Medibank 24/7 Health Advice Line. But all opinions expressed by the author are 100% authentic and written in their own words.
I’ve never been bullied in my life. Other than the usual harmless teasing throughout my school years, I was lucky enough to make it to adulthood pretty much unscathed in that regard. And to be honest, I had read about ‘workplace bullying’ and that kind of thing, but the concept had never really crossed my mind until it happened to me. I always thought bullying was the stuff of the playground, not the office.
I was so wrong.
For some reason, the person who was bullying me didn’t like me from the start. On my first day, she called me over to her desk and started asking the usual ‘getting to know you’ questions, but something about it didn’t feel quite right. She was laughing at some of my answers in a way that seemed a little… nasty.
I thought I was reading too much into things, so I let it go.
It wasn’t long before I could hear her openly talking about me. She would come over to my desk to offer me ‘tips’ that were extremely patronising and loud enough for most of the office to hear. She would openly dismiss my ideas as stupid, then say something like “Sorry, no offence dear, but you are new. Maybe you’re just not getting it yet.”
Things escalated quickly. She would yell at me for minor mistakes (whether they happened or not) and would purposefully leave me out of important meetings. She would leave very passive aggressive notes on my desk about workplace ‘rules’ that I was breaking.
The problem was, I was new, and a lot of it was so subtle that I felt silly saying anything. But after six months, I reached my breaking point and ended up crying in my boss’ office, and told her everything.
I can’t believe I waited so long to say something.
My boss was fabulous about it. All the things I thought I was crazy for being upset about, she assured me, were totally valid. HR spoke to the bully. She responded by pretty much ignoring me at first, but eventually we ended up with a (pretty) normal working relationship. I think she had done it to a few people, and this was the first time she was pulled up on it. It certainly seemed to shock something in her.
Although I can’t believe I waited so long to say something, I’m kind of glad the whole thing happened because it gave me the chance to learn how to handle situations like that. I’m sure this woman won’t be the only example of workplace bullying I come across in my life, so the lessons I learned will no doubt help me again.
I did a lot of research while trying to figure out how to handle this woman, and these are the lessons that I’ll take with me:
1. Don’t blame yourself. It’s the bully’s issue
No matter what you do, they’re going to find a way to give you a hard time. It has nothing to do with who you are or your work performance.
2. Do your best work no matter what
Don’t let them push you into a place where you’re no longer doing your best work. That’s what they want. Don’t give them the satisfaction.
3. Don’t try to change them
A bully bullies. It’s as simple as that. Don’t put your energy into changing their behaviour. Just concentrate on being positive. It will drive them crazy.
4. Have empathy
Someone would have to be feeling pretty crappy about themselves if they feel the need to be cruel to someone else. It really helped me to think about how sad my bully must be inside. What was going on with her that she felt the need to treat me that way? When my anger turned to empathy I was able to keep a much clearer head.
5. Say something
This one is the most important. Workplace bullying is serious, and nothing’s too silly to say something about. Everyone’s mental health is important – yours and the bully’s. According to a recent study conducted by the Medibank 24/7 Health Advice Line, Australians take 20 million sick days every year because of stress, and costs the economy over $14 billion annually, so trust me – your employer wants to make sure you’re okay. Being honest about how someone is treating you means you can both get help.
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Top Comments
Interesting article however do not agree with the empathy, as someone people can be very vindictive...in my case the bully was someone I reported to and had to put up with it as nothing was ever done about it for eight yrs. Others also walked out on the job but still nothing happened. In the end I ended up having counselling and leaving the job eventually as I couldn't function. and yes sometimes bosses just don't care, she has been reported since I left and sometimes I feel like writing to the managers and telling them what she is like and the reason I left. I agree that people need to speak up although sadly sometimes no one is listening, its the bullies that should leave NOT the victims.
It does affect your confidence afterwards and its sad that happens. For those that are bullied please get professional counselling done there is the employee assistance program available at most work places or external counselling as it helps you move forward and break out of damaging thought patterns. There should be tougher laws governing this everywhere.
I found this article interesting but like so many others have also stated, many bullies get away with their actions. Im a journalist and on two occasions was bullied- one in TV and the other in print and both in regional media. Both of these women were higher than me in the organisation and who I reported to. I never took what they did personally, it was just that both of them were extremely insecure and saw me (on both occasions the only other woman in the team) as a threat to them.
I am the most personable, easy-going team player and found that each day I was going to work with, "emotional punching gloves on". Both times these women did a different kind of bullying- always trying to show me up as being inadequate at my job and not talking to me and making up stories about how bad I was at my job to my other male colleagues. In both cases, management were well aware of what was going on and absolutely NOTHING happened, except for me leaving and on both occasions the women before and after me all left for the same reasons- so I knew it was not me, it was the women above us.
In the last case, the woman after me, took the company to fair work and they ruled in favour of her and the company were forced to pay her lost wages and the woman in question was required to do a management course on how to be a better manager within three months- this never happened and fair work are basically a waste of time- no accountability or follow up seems to happen.
I since know now whey these two women got away with their actions- the first one was having an affair with the news director and the second one basically worked like a martyr for a minimal wage and the company liked that they had someone who they didnt have to pay appropriately and who just liked the idea that she was the, 'senior journalist'. I felt sorry for both of these women that they were such sad women who were so insecure, but I also ended up hating both of the organisations for allowing so many good staff leave as a result of two horrible women. It led me to believe that sometimes fighting or talking to HR is just a complete waste of time and the best thing to do for your own mental health is to just leave. Sad, but true.