I am not a cook. I don’t know how to temper chocolate nor ‘break down’ a chicken, and I’ve never even been in the same room as a hibachi grill.
But applications for the 2021 season of MasterChef Australia are currently open, and in the interests of public service, err, journalism, I filled out the form so I could report back on what actual foodies can expect.
(Also in the hope that I make it through and experience a Melissa Leong pep-talk.)
There are 59 questions in total, including some rather probing ones about your criminal past (at first, I thought they might be looking for a gritty backstory, but it turns out they’re… not).
Here is a selection of some of the most crucial Qs, so you can prepare.
What is the highest level of education you received?
I know you mean bachelor’s degree but, in truth, it’s probably a Brené Brown TedTalk.
Tell us about your work history/current job:
I’m a Senior Features Writer at Mamamia, although that position may be tenuous after I file this article.
What is your greatest ambition in life?
To make slightly too-long eye contact with Jock Zonfrillo over a steamy saucepan.
What do you think has been your greatest achievement in life so far?
Owning a Dyson.
How would someone who really knows you describe your BEST and WORST qualities?
Best: I know exactly the right container for the volume of leftovers. Always.
Worst: Word-association karaoke. Think that Katy Perry episode, and you’ll know what I mean.
What personality traits annoy you about other people?
Using a fork like a shovel. Double-dipping. Metaphorical use of the word ‘journey’.
(You see why I couldn’t apply until now… *Cough.* George. *Cough.*)
What makes you stand out? Tell us something that will shock us/make us laugh/make us cry…
- Betty White is older than sliced bread.
- Pete Evans.
- Pete Evans.
Describe your relationship with food.
I literally couldn’t live without it.