Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: One man's face causes a lot of drama.

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It's Dinner Party day and we'll get to it eventually, but first the series moonlights as The Block and gives us an excessive amount of footage of the building the couples are staying in.

Congrats on having random boxed flames in your lobby, I guess?

Oh.

Ben has reflected on his hours-long rant about what he doesn't like about Ellie and thinks he didn't communicate the fact that he hates her wearing makeup effectively.

"I'm doing everything that I can think of to try and make us happy again, great again," he says. "I wrote her a song."

YOU ALSO WROTE HER A LIST OF THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT HER, DUDE.

He has asked her to meet him at Maroubra Beach and I am disappointed she doesn't let out an evil cackle and burn the package on the balcony.

Wow who knew he was so tall

Meanwhile, Jayden and Eden are predicting a feud with Timothy. And Timothy... is also predicting that.

Jayden wants to stand up for Lucinda Light —which is nice, because I wholeheartedly believe everyone should stand up for Lucinda Light — and doesn't think Timothy is nice enough to her.

Timothy doesn't want The Kids to give him advice, and also reckons Jayden should button up his shirt.

Meanwhile, Lucinda Light has gone commando. This is equally as important information.

The experts are excited to see both old chaos and new chaos tonight, and I like that absolutely no one is acknowledging that Mash left. Not one peep from anyone about the decidedly less haunted party about to take place.

It's like everyone's... ghosted.

Ba dum tss!

Oh thank god!

At the cocktail party, Sara concedes that she's developed strong feelings for Tim after she decided to actually go on a date with him. Look at the kind of magic MAFS can conjure up!

Also on the bright side, Lauren and Jonathan have hashed out their sh*t and are in a good place.

Tori and Jack walk in hand-in-hand and Mel, whose job is allegedly to create well-suited and successful matches, is horrified.

She looks pained (relatable queen!)

Jack apologies to Lauren for 'muzzle-gate' and not only does she not believe him, but she wonders why he had to bring his aunty's best friend's hairdresser's son into it.

"It was a very rehearsed Jack-style apology, talking about the mother and the sister and the cousin and the dog's brother, about how they would be disappointed," Lauren recalls.

However, she accepts his apology because she cannot be bothered and also, he's probably going to do something just as sh*t in 10 minutes time she can roast him over, anyway.

Oh. 10 minutes? More like 10 seconds.

He implies it was actually Lauren's fault that he said muzzle anyway, because she was... talking.

On the bright side, all the experts despise him.

Sure does

As Eden and Jayden arrive, they prepare for drama because "some of these people are unhinged".

Some? SOME?

Jayden immediately starts sh*t-talking Timothy with Tori and Jack, which only continues as Timothy and Lucinda Light arrive without holding hands.

Lucinda Light shares her human sunshine around the room via hugs and then expresses her disappointment with Jack in the most mature, Lucinda Light way possible.

"Our words are such spells, aren't they? And we've got to keep asking what love does," she says. She also calls him a kind soul but I guess no one can be correct 100 percent of the time.

The experts gush over how wonderful she is and same.

Jayden tells her she deserves better than what Timothy is giving her, and Lucinda defends Timothy by saying they've had a genuine reset, are making (tiny, microscopic) progress and she's still at this stage willing to be patient.

Jayden definitely doesn't believe her, and Timothy sees this all play out from across the room.

"Every dude with a hair bun on this show thinks they're Dr Phil and f***ing Tony Robbins all mixed into one," he says.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

I can kind of see it, actually

Ridge and Jade arrive and Ridge is absolutely shocked that everyone seems to be acting like mature adults.

Just you wait, buddy. Just you wait.

Ellie arrives solo, without her fake TV husband who writes songs and hates every fibre of her being for no real reason.

Ellie fills everyone in on Ben 1. disappearing, 2. writing a list about all the things he doesn't like about her and 3. inviting her to the beach.

She doesn't even mention the song! I WOULD HAVE WALKED INTO THAT ROOM SCREAMING ABOUT THE SONG!

On his way, Ben says he is confident they can make it through this and Ellie's "an amazing girl", even though she wears make-up and is from the Gold Coast.

Cut to Jonathan talking sh*t about him to "beautiful, lovely" Ellie.

He wants to slap Ben "in a metaphorical sense" but definitely also in a physical sense.

He arrives to a very frosty reception. Tristan is wigged out by it. But I am thriving.

Absolutely living for this

As dinner begins, Lauren opens the floor up to Ben. She says they want to hear his side of the story but it is definitely just so they can begin to roast him.

I'm so excited.

Ben reveals he didn't actually write down all the things he didn't like about Ellie. Besides that time he wrote them down as bullet points in his notebook. But otherwise, no, he definitely didn't do that.

Cass says he should take that list and put it up his arse and yes please give us more sassy Cass(y).

Ellie reveals the make-up thing and everyone erupts.

Do you think the experts practice beforehand who will play shock, and who will play disgust? Because they've really perfected the reactions this season. I adore it each time.

I'm most feeling like John currently, what about you

Sara says it's the most controlling thing she's ever heard a man say. Muzzlegate is elated to hear that.

Ben says he just didn't articulate it right. When he wrote it down. In a bullet point list.

He wants to better explain himself: "Ellie spends a lot of time in the mirror."

Oh- 

That's not...

That's not any better, man.

Long story short, everyone has established (but not written down, yet), a list in their minds about what they don't like about him too. 

This includes his sexist comments, his falseness and though they don't actually verbalise it, probably also his podcast.

He wants to speak his truth. Even though he spent two-and-a-half hours doing that yesterday too.

STOP TRYING TO MAKE YOUR PODCAST HAPPEN

He does not believe he and Ellie are meant for each other. Firstly, duh, but secondly, it's a convenient change of heart that just happened to take place after he said earlier he wanted to work through it but realised she... didn't... want to.

What a coinkydink!

Ellie knows she deserves better and calls him out for wasting her time. 

Meanwhile, Sara and Tim make out in front of everyone, which really lifts the whole group's spirits.

Except Timothy's.

Yeah nah I don't think he's stoked 

He's been stewing on Jayden's comments to Lucinda Light.

"They're under 30 with an opinion," he says, judgementally. As a former 20-year-old with opinions, I'm... actually not offended. That's fair.

However, the true crime here is that he just said he had 24-year-old undies.

Then it alllll kicks off.

The experts say Jayden's "black and white language", like that Timothy and Lucinda Light's relationship has "no hope", is escalating the situation and showing his (lack of) age.

I adopt Mel's earlier expression when I realise they're... on Timothy's side in all this.

GENUINELY DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING

Then there is just a lot of yelling.

John Aiken, always so full of wisdom, reckons that is pretty unproductive.

Timothy continues to deride Jayden for being under 30, having a man bun and being from the Gold Coast. At least this seems pretty off-the-cuff? He hasn't written it down in a bullet point list? And so far, the rant has only been going on for a few minutes? Ben might have a pen and paper if anyone needs one, though!

But goodness.

THE GOLDIE IS CATCHING SO MANY STRAYS.

I mean, fine, we've all had a terrible experience at Surfers, but this is getting absurd.

Lol

Okay, Timothy hasn't written down his list but I guess I will. He hates:

• Jayden's hair
• Jayden's face
• Jayden's red jacket
• Jayden's hometown
• Jayden's grandstanding
• Jayden, just generally

TIMOTHY.

PLEASE.

REMEMBER WHAT FATHER LIGHT AND HIS ORANGE SUIT TOLD YOU ABOUT NOT GETTING PISSY AND LETTING THINGS GO.

Then he slams his fist down on the table and NOOOOOO Father Light is going to be so disappointed.

Now everyone is pissed off, but especially Lauren because the shaking of the table spilled her wine. I love her.

Lucinda Light says it's like cowboys are out with their guns at the tavern, and while she appreciates firearms being drawn in her defence, she doesn't think the group has the full picture of her relationship.

Yeehaw!

She says she is feeling quite fiery tonight, which could be down to the rose thorns on her dress but maybe also her lack of underwear, and schools them all.

Finally, Cass is like, 'well actually, she is the most emotionally mature person on this show so maybe we should have faith in her'.

Is it a coincidence that Cass turned 30 only a few weeks ago? Vindication for Timothy's age discrimination! (I'm joking!!!!!!!)

Suddenly, Tori tells Lucinda Light to shut up.

Why would you ever want Lucinda Light to shut up?

The woman has offered us such gems as "earthy and grounded, with a high-functioning erection", "to marry a stranger is such a historical and ancient thing to do", and "it's just been a blast off of elemental energy".

Lucinda Light is a goddamn ORATOR.

WE SHOULD LET HER SPEAK AT ALL TIMES.

Exactly!

She can also operate with nuance, which is a bloody revelation on this show.

Yes, she can defend her relationship from uninformed opinion but also yes, she can be annoyed with how Timothy acted.

She tells him she doesn't think his angry escalation of the situation was necessary and he agrees.

But Tori is pissed. She thinks it's sh*t of Lucinda Light to back Timothy after he said some horrible things to Jayden.

????

MUZZLEGATE WAS ONLY A WEEK AGO.

"You just look a bit smug," Tori tells Timothy. She says if Jack acted like Timothy he would have had her foot go down his throat.

He's like... but... the muzzle?

And Tori's a little gagged, actually.

Lol

They go back and forth, BUT THEN JACK ACTUALLY SAYS, WITH A STRAIGHT FACE, THAT TIMOTHY HAS A FOUL MOUTH.

Everyone sucks here, but the audacity of that is insane.

He says Timothy has thrown way more f-bombs than he's thrown muzzles which is true but also NOT REALLY INDICATIVE OF ANYTHING BECAUSE THE INTENT BEHIND THE MUZZLE COMMENT WAS FAR WORSE THAN ANY OF THESE F***ING F***S, FOR F***'S SAKE. See?

Tori then calls Timothy "slimy as all f***" so, uh, this really is the stupidest fight we've seen in a while.

Absolutely foul!

OOOH.

IN COMES CASS.

"You're sitting there with one eyebrow raised," Tori says, insisting that Timothy's face is... wrong.

"Pretty sure that's just his face," Cass responds.

Okay, comedy queen.

It pisses Tori off, mostly because she feels like it messes with the imaginary pecking order she created in her head.

"Don't tell me what I said," Tori repeatedly tells Cass, even though they... actually agree on what Tori said. 

WHAT is the obsession with picking apart someone's paraphrasing on this show? If the meaning is the same what does it matter? If the only thing you can respond to is semantics YOU'VE PROBABLY ALREADY LOST THE ARGUMENT.

Plus, she's also just been paraphrasing what Timothy said to Jayden too.

"She doesn't speak, but when she does, it annoys me," Tori says about Cass.

Omgplsgiveitupwe'realltired.

Tori wants to go home and yeah good let's wrap this up.

See you Sunday.

Catch up on our MAFS recaps here:

• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: HE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Lucinda is the MAFS hero we need.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: One groom discovers that marrying a stranger is... a lot.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: We will not be listening to this man's podcast.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The season's most chaotic bride.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: 'He's completely full of sh*t.'
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Jayden did WHAT with WHOM in front of WHOMST?
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: You can't just compare your new wife to your dog.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The award for worst performance in a reality TV show goes to...
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: THE GENITAL CUPPING IS HELPING NO ONE.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Fake epiphanies, golden showers and cancelled dates.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: There is simply too much yelling about yelling.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: No two people have ever wanted to hug less.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: A bride brings ghosts to her wedding.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: There's one thing you don't bring on a honeymoon.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: IT DID NOT JUST END LIKE THAT.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: John Aiken is very, very mad.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: All it took was a boob joke.

Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.

Feature image: Nine.