Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The Bullsh*t Investigators take no prisoners.

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I'm back! And I'm already afraid!

The mysterious narrator lady tells us we are "more than halfway through the experiment" and excuse me, Miss MAFS.

I thought we were literally a few eps from final vows. This season has gone for 84 years. 

And more bad news! Lauren has to temporarily leave the experiment to get surgery to remove a blot clot in her shoulder which means she will miss the dinner party and the dinner party will miss her. :( 

But it's still Feedback Week and there are couples that we've long forgotten about that have to do their little tasks. 

Tristan and Cass instruct Ridge to be Jade's butler for the day in an attempt to teach him to be more responsible. 

'What's the opposite of deece?'

He's tasked to do Jade's laundry and can't resist making a joke about sniffing her underwear. Lovely! Ridge then cleans the bathroom for the 'first time' ever which... yep, totally tracks. 

Jade doesn't care! She loves a bit of Ridge. 

"People see him as fun, annoying Ridge," Jade says, but admits she sees a softer side of him away from the group. 

This couple are oddly... perfect. No notes. 

But it is worth noting that the first few minutes is literally all we see from Cass and Tristan the whole episode which is... concerning. I predict they'll ghost the experiment after the dinner party. 

After threatening to leave the experiment, surprise surprise... Sara did not leave the experiment. Amid tears, she tells Tim that she can't handle all the 'badgering' she got from Jayden and Eden. 

Tim forgives Sara after she cops to 'emotionally cheating' on him. He hopes to 'move forward', says the man in a relationship that has only ever moved backwards.

'Cheat on me once, fool on me. Cheat on me twice... fool on me again.'

Andrea and Richard are still doing terribly. A flashback scene reminds us why: early in the experiment, Richard described their sex lives as "we sucked, we f*cked" to the experts, which in hindsight was... a bit bloody much from ol' Richo. 

Andrea says she doesn't like his "language around intimacy". 

Lucinda and Timothy encourage the couple to relive their wedding vows to revive their relationship. 

They visit a random park bench overlooking the harbour to renew their vows. 

Richard's vows sound a little different this time.

Romance IS NOT dead. 

Joking!

They exchange the exact same vows as their wedding and... it worked? Andrea is keen to go back home to snuggle up to her TV husband. 

I'm not buying it but moving on! 

Jayden Von Dutch is back in court. He attempts to show Tori the light by grilling her about Jack's questionable behaviour. 

"Do you think you like Jack more than he likes you?"

"Have you guys talked about what will happen on the outside?"

"Are you a good match?" 

THE MOUSTACHE DEMANDS ANSWERS.

Don't anger Jayden's moustache!! It's full of secrets!!

With Lauren dropping out, someone else has had to step in to grill Jack for Feedback Week. 

That person is Sara, Eden, Lucinda, literally anyone else, umm... Jade.

She annihilates him with probing questions like "How's your week been? :) :) ." 

Me thinks the producers paired these two up so that Jack would hit on Jade for drama. 

THEN LIKE CLOCKWORK, ME IS RIGHT.  

"I've dated people like Jade in the past," Jack admits in a confessional. Okay! 

He then tells Jade, "You're in the top three for me for good-looking couples." Grosssssss. 

Jade is thrilled.

No woman can resist this man's charms. 

Jade identifies that Jack was "trying with" her which I guess translates to trying to hit on her. Their date ends with Jack probably slipping a few supplement vouchers into Jade's purse. 

Sara and Tim go on a picnic date by the ocean where she lists her favourite things about him. 

By the end of the episode, the couple are back in bed together??

Once again, I'm not buying it. 

Timothy is not happy about having relationship lessons from Ridge. "He's a nice guy but Ridge is just dumb," he says in a confessional. "What do I want to say about Ridge. What are your thoughts on global warming?" Timothy giggles to himself. 

As the couples converge, Timothy asks Ridge what kind of 'role model' he hopes to be to Jade's daughter.

"The best one!!!!" he replies. Thanks for sharing, Ridge. 

When asked if he's putting on 'an act', Ridge says "It's not an act because I've acted on everything I've ever said to her!" I'm deeply confused by everything Ridge just said. 

The deece is not deece-ing. 

Ridge then became the season's accidental gossip girl by spilling that Jack said that Lucinda and Timothy were "done" and "checked out" of the experiment.

Timothy says that Jack is "laughable" and he's thirsty for vengeance. 

Ridge and Andrea are paired up, another truly random couple. 

THIS EPISODE IS FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH RIDGE. THIS IS RIDGE OVERLOAD. 

Some could say it's.... a Ridge too far. 

Ridge brings up Richard's lude comment, stirring up all the concerns Andie already had while telling her that she 'wears the pants' in their relationship. He makes some solid points but also seems to have a minimal interest in Andie's opinion of Andie and Richard's relationship. 

She says afterwards she found the whole exchange 'unsettling'. 

TFW a man named Ridge is actually making a lot of sense. 

"After that chat, I'm really confused," said Andrea... and coincidentally, every one after talking to Ridge. 

She relays the conversation back to Richard, adding that her boundaries around speaking of intimacy have been crossed multiple times since the 'f**king and s**king' comment. 

"I just think you're making things up," he replies. 

RICHARD. STOP. 

"I can't communicate with you if you deny what I'm talking about," she tells him. Richard accused Andie of putting a wall up because she's not into him anymore. 

I can't watch these two! !t's painful! 

'Where there's a Ridge, there's a way.' 

This couple is doomed. Set them free.  

But back to the only couple we care about: Lucinda and Timothy. 

They decide to pen an anonymous letter to Jack and Tori to tell them what they think of them. 

The couple anoints themselves as the 'Bullshit Investigators', as they write: "We're calling bullshit on you two."

I'M SCREAMING. 

THIS COULD GO SO WRONG BUT IT FEELS SO RIGHT. 

This is the same picture. You can't tell me otherwise.

Snooki and Jwoww walked so Lucinda and Timothy could run. 

Lucinda and Timothy slink down the hallway covert-ops style as they deliver the letter. 

Jack and Tori open it to find that they've been asked to invite Jack's controversial ex to have a conversation with the couple.

Y'all are so messy. Never change. But not everyone is a fan of the contents of this letter.  

"I f**king hate these people," Tori says. She ain't happy. 

She warns that she's going to go "postal" on whoever wrote the letter. She was particularly annoyed that the letter was typed instead of being handwritten. "Put some identity behind it," she says as if that's something people say. 

The couple try to figure out which couple sent the note. "This is too juvenile for Lucinda and Timothy," Tori poses.

Who's going to tell her??

Me and my bestie faces the consequences of our actions. 

I am actually OBSESSED with these two. Their thirst for high jinks and silliness is unmatched. 

The Bullsh*it Investigators deserve government funding tbh. Let's take this crime team national! 

Next episode the Bullsh*t Investigators will be unmasked and mayhem will obviously ensue! 

I cannot wait! Viva la, Bullsh*t Investigators!

Catch up on our MAFS recaps here:

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Jayden's moustache made some solid points.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: There have just been so many lies.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Don't pretend your cheating scandal is not a cheating scandal.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Jack expertly plants the seeds of doubt.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: WE ARE ALL SO PROUD OF TIMOTHY.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Ben doesn't just dislike Ellie. Ben dislikes women.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: One man's face causes a lot of drama.

Tara Watson is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Producer. For more from her, you can follow her on Instagram.

Feature image: Nine.