Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: This isn't the cheating scandal we deserve.

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Welcome back and get comfy because this Commitment Ceremony is... a lot.

Sassy John Aiken has never needed to sass so hard. 

As the couples prepare for the final Commitment Ceremony, Sara and Tim have taken Eden and Jayden's title as the smuggest couple. "It's been a tumultuous journey," Tim notes. 

YOU THINK SO, HUH. 

Jayden is interested in a different title. No, not as some box-kicking man (I don't understand what he does). He's in the lead for the worst communicator on the planet and Eden is OVER it. 

"Something has changed in the last two weeks," Eden begins to tell him, before Jayden helpfully tells her how she thinks and feels. They start to argue until Eden concedes just to make it... stop. 

"I'm wrong, sorry," she shrugs. 

'I'm taking the dog (dumbass) in the divorce.' 

HE SIMPLY WON'T SHUT THE F**K UP. 

I'VE NEVER MET A MORE EXHAUSTING MAN. 

Jono says he's feeling extra 'close' to Lauren which is a BIG LOL knowing what's to come. And what's that? Tori is 'euphoric' as she's coming armed with information gathered from a bride who has exited the experiment. Hint: her name rhymes with smelly and sounds like Ellie because... it's Ellie. 

But wait, it's time for CC! No, not the delicious corn chips, I mean the experts' trauma chamber of horrors.

Jayden and his hostage Eden are first. "I feel like I don't have a voice," she shares. "Once I'm in a debate with you, the only way to get out is to bow down and agree with you." 

SAY IT WITH YOUR WHOLE CHEST, BABE. I'M SO PROUD. 

Jayden disagrees. Shocker. However, the experts vouch for Eden's perspective on Jayden's communication style. 

"You fire questions [at her] like she's on a witness stand and you're an examiner and repeat the same thing again and again," John tells him. 

'May I approach the bench? I can bench better than ANYONE, you know buddy boy. I kick boxes for a living!'

John labels his fight style as 'toxic' and Mel Schilling shares concerns over his lack of empathy shown at the dinner party. Jayden umm... disagrees and gets defensive. What a healthy response! 

He eventually lets down his walls to reveal he doesn't feel good enough for his partner. "I feel like I'm always letting you down," he tells Eden. She assures him 'he's more than enough' and she's 'super into him' before they both elect to stay in the experiment. 

Jade and Ridge plop down on the couch. She spoke about her mum and sister's concerns that she's falling so hard and will 'crumble' if it goes wrong. Jade starts to sob as she speaks about how she has doubts over whether Ridge will meet someone else and OMG THIS IS HEARTBREAKING BUT RELATABLE. 

"There's nothing that will get between us. No one," Ridge tells Jade. "I only see you. I think about you all the time."

Oh no, I'm feeling feelings. Feelings for... Ridge.  

How did a man named Ridge become the best man on this show???

Ridge admits he's falling in love with Jade. "I haven't felt this way about a girl ever," he shares. 

"It's a bit sick to be honest," he giggles. 

PROTECT THIS MAN. 

Next up are Lucinda and Timothy. The experts aren't messing around, asking the couple 'what's happened' to their progress. Lucinda admits she felt "uncomfortable and unwelcomed" on Homestays Week. 

Timothy says that 'digging into feelings' is turning him off and making him retreat from Lucinda. 

John then makes an important point, highlighting how patient Lucinda has been before asking her what 'she's missed out on' in this experiment. She says he's never initiated a date, there's been no effort on his end and she's never felt 'special or desired'. 

"The slow burn? It fizzled out," she says, referring to the idea as a "catchphrase" used by Timothy which she no longer believes was true.

'We need speciousness and we need spaciousness now.'

 Timothy praises Lucinda, telling her he 'wouldn't change my match' before they both vote to leave the experiment. 

Lucinda then reads a breakup poem (not the series' first, Dino is shaking!) which included the iconic line "thank god for the trusty sex toys that kept me rather sane." I'M HOWLING. 

But she doesn't pull any punches either, telling Timothy that "he never really did try." She's not wrong. 

I LOVE THIS LADY. 

Timothy ends the session by saying that he and Lucinda will 'always be in each other's lives'. BFFS 4EVA. 

Cool. I'm crying. 

Lucinda and Timothy spin-off Friends at First Sight WHEN???

Tim and Sara are next and let's run straight through their couch session because to be brutally honest BIG WHO CARES. 

They are thriving. They are back on track. They are staying together... contractually, at least. 

Moving on! 

Tori and Jack talk about their first time having sex (derogatory) before sharing they are falling for each other. Tori becomes emotional when Alessandra raises concerns with her saying she didn't want to be friends with anyone in the experiment. 

The group rally around Tori but Lauren reminds the group of Jack's questionable behaviour. 

Tori has something up her sleeve, as Jono and Lauren sit on the couch. At first, she makes snide comments about them playing up their newfound 'happy couple' status. 

Me when I remember vodka exists and get PTSD flashbacks. 

"Can I pipe in?" Tori interrupts. "I was made privy to some information today that Jono, you had been texting Ellie."

Oop! This is definitely not brand new information but still... go on! 

A dramatic montage of Ellie flashes on-screen, as if she was on MAFS three years ago and not three weeks back. We remember her! She's not that forgettable, you savages.  

"Are you serious?" Lauren asks, as an unresponsive Jono sits silently. 

"I text Stephen, Michael and Ellie, like heaps of people," he unconvincingly replies. "Ellie reached out to me and every three or four days, she'll send a message." 

Jono maintains that Ellie is 'not her type' and nothing is going on. But Lauren ain't buying it.

"My gut is... she wants to know what's going on with me and you," Lauren says. "I think she's keen." 

'You're the one for me, Ellie... I mean, Lauren.'

John scolds Jono for the secret texting as Tori says that women have a 'gut instinct' about certain men and BIT BLOODY RICH COMING FROM YOU, MY GOOD SIS.

Meanwhile, Lauren starts to get emotional as she processes what's happened. She says this has reminded her of the early red flags she ignored before being cheated on in past relationships. 

"I feel hurt and betrayed," she says.

Tori is devastated for her dear friend. Kidding, she's literally relishing in her sadness. 

Yikes, yikes, yikessssss.

The worst people you know reckon THIS will be their redemption. Lol good luck.

Awkwardly, Lauren and Jono had both voted to stay in the experiment before this revelation came out. 

But Lauren is activated! Hell hath no fury like a Lauren scorned and tbh... I can't wait to see what she does next. 

Bring on the final dinner party!

Catch up on our MAFS recaps here:

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: To the women on this show, blink twice and we'll send help.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Jack's friend chose chaos today.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Never take dating advice from this man.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Timothy has seen the Lucinda Light. 

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Timothy's breakthrough moment has broken us.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The Bullsh*t Investigators take no prisoners. 

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Jayden's moustache made some solid points.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: There have just been so many lies.

Tara Watson is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Producer. For more from her, you can follow her on Instagram.

Feature image: Nine.