Sarah thought she was finished having babies. Then her friend sent her a text message.

Sarah Megginson has three children. But this pregnancy feels different. 

She's not excitedly anticipating the baby's major milestones, nor planning for its first Father's Day or Christmas. She's not decorating a nursery, nor washing tiny onesies.

That's because the little boy that's been growing inside her for the past seven months is not her own. She is, as she puts it, simply "babysitting" until his birth.

Sarah is carrying this little boy for her friend, Lisa Messenger, who is the founder and Editor-in-Chief of multimedia brand Collective Hub. Lisa and her fiancé, Stevan, experienced fertility struggles for eight years before turning to Sarah to help them become parents.

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Speaking to Mamamia's No Filter podcast, the women said that the process has involved lots of planning, some difficult conversations, and at least one "scary, horrible" moment (more on that later). But it's brought them infinitely closer.

"I cannot imagine, in another universe, bringing a child into the world without Sare now," Lisa said. "It is the most beautiful, incredible thing. It has brought so much joy."

The whole adventure began five years ago with a casual conversation over coffee.

"If you end up needing a surrogate, I'm here for you."

It was 2018 when Sarah uttered those words. An extraordinary offer within an otherwise ordinary conversation. 

She was catching up with Lisa, who she'd known since they started working together over 12 years ago (Sarah is a journalist; Lisa a publisher). Lisa was lamenting her IVF experience — she was in the depths of what was ultimately 16 rounds of treatment, involving roughly 480 injections and a cost "north of $500,000".

And so Sarah spoke those words. "If you end up needing a surrogate..."

"To have witnessed Lisa's tenacity and the resilience to just keep going...," Sarah said through tears. "I was like, 'My uterus works if you want it. Let's try.'"

Sarah and Lisa. Image: Supplied.

Becoming a surrogate was something Sarah had contemplated for a while. Not with Lisa in mind, necessarily. But as someone who had fallen pregnant with relative ease, and who had enjoyed the process of pregnancy and birth, she was struck by how unfair it was that other women endured such hardship.

"When I was pregnant with my son, Jesse — he's now seven-and-a-half — I can remember talking to my husband, saying, 'I think I could be a surrogate for someone. I've got him in my tummy moving, I can feel him. And if this was not my baby, I think I would be okay to give birth.'"

"So it was at the back of my mind."

Watching Lisa endure the heartbreak of fertility struggles, brought it right to the front. But Lisa wasn't ready. Not until March 2022.

She'd been volunteering her time and energy to the flood crisis in northern NSW, when Sarah messaged her to check in.

"Sarah texted me and was like, 'How's the IVF going?'" Lisa said. "And I was like, 'Not great. Still want to be a surrogate?'"

"I was literally dealing with people in life-and-death situations, saving people from houses and cats from roofs, and setting up evacuation centres. So when she asked me that, I was just like, I'm ready."

The first round of IVF resulted in a pregnancy, but it sadly didn't progress beyond five weeks. Their second implantation, on November 11, 2022, resulted in the little boy she's carrying today.

Surrogacy in Australia is regulated at a state level, meaning laws vary across the country. However, some fundamental principles apply nationwide. Among them: that surrogacy must be altruistic (that is, the surrogate cannot benefit financially from the arrangement); the intended parents must cover any costs associated with fertility treatment, pregnancy and birth; and all parties, including partners, must undergo counselling and obtain legal advice. 

It's also standard that the surrogate and her partner are named on the child's birth certificate as his/her parents. The intended parents must then apply to the court for a Parentage Order to have it reissued with their names instead.

The whole process can be costly and emotionally draining.

Sarah said that she, Lisa, and their partners completed an "extensive" therapy regime to start the process, and that she also had to undergo a psychiatric evaluation and a series of rigorous medical tests. 

Sarah said her therapy sessions covered a range of "difficult but valid questions" about things like the impact of the arrangement on her children and parents, and her thoughts on termination if something were to go wrong with the pregnancy.

Thankfully, things have progressed well over the past seven months — something Lisa is relishing in after so many years of heartache and ambiguous loss. Although, there was one "terrifying" moment in early May when Sarah was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance with pain "so much worse" than labour. It turned out to be a severe kidney and bladder infection.

"I was so out of it with pain, and everything is going through our minds," Sarah said. "I'm like, do I have a kidney stone? Am I about to deliver this baby? Are we about to have surgery? But I kept saying, 'I've been feeling [the baby] moving. He's kicking me.' I just kept remembering to tell Lisa, 'The baby's okay. He's okay. He's okay.'"

There could be more health challenges to come for Sarah after the birth. Following her third child, she underwent surgery for abdominal hernia, which may need to be redone after delivering Lisa and Stevan’s son.

She says it's all worth it to help bring this new little life into the world. 

As for that day, Sarah, Lisa and their partners have talked at length about the process and what will happen in the period afterward (they’ll have adjoining rooms in the hospital, for one).

"So many people say to me, 'How are you going to hand the baby over?'" Sarah said. "And I'm like, well, there won't be a handing over, because he will come out into Lisa and Stevan's arms. They will have the first moments with him, and when he's cleaned up and they are ready, then I'll have a cuddle. But the whole first experience will be for Mum and Dad."

Image: Supplied.

In her view, parenthood is something far beyond conceiving, carrying and delivering a child. It can be forged in the rituals preparing for its arrival, in imagining its future — things she is not doing this time around. It's why she describes her relationship to the boy in her belly as simply protective and loving.

"Obviously, I care about him a lot. I love him to bits," she said. "But I don't have that maternal tie to him."

Lisa, meanwhile, does. It's so strong that she feels like she is watching her own pregnancy happen outside her body. And she's loving every moment of it.

"I think 2023 is a good time to be doing this," Lisa said. "Because, the notion of family now can look like so many different things. Once he's born, I think we're all strong enough and connected enough to answer anything that comes at us and hopefully help other people navigate their own journeys."

For more of Sarah and Lisa's story, including how Sarah has explained her pregnancy to her children, listen to No Filter below or via your preferred podcast app.

Feature Image: Supplied/Instagram @mummyatlast.