I remember the first time my son wasn’t invited to a school birthday party when lots of other kids in his class were.
The rejection hurt briefly, but then I just gave the parents of that child death stares at all future school encounters — squint-glaring at them from across the room at the parents’ drinks night and the orchestra concert — basically handling the situation like an adult.
JOKING.
Of course, I know not everyone can be invited to everything — that’s a basic principle of life. But I do get that the first time you work out your kid’s the one left off the list, you have a moment of, ‘oh, okay.’
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Most parents I know have been through it. When our cherubs start school, the parties seem to include the whole class, but at some point there’s an “ah, it’s my kid’s turn off the list” experience as the kids get older and the parties grow more intimate.
In my experience, parents accept it is what it is, and move on/silently hold a grudge for the next decade. They don’t address it with a child’s parent, except the one time a mum did exactly that to me.
This mum — let’s call her Paulina, because I’ve never known a Paulina — was not amused when she discovered her son wasn’t invited to my son’s fifth birthday party.
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You can never know what's going on in people's lives. My daughter had a tentative diagnosis of Asperger's when she was 5 years old. She was bright, adored being around other kids, was bubbly and easy going. Yet she just wasn't like the other kids in ways that set her apart.
It was absolutely heartbreaking to watch her get excluded from party after party virtually all of her primary school years, and now most of high school as well (although she is currently in Year 12 and doing much better).
It is a pain I haven't stopped living and a pain I believe I will never forget.
It broke my heart to see my gregarious daughter rejected and left on the sidelines repeatedly. Her pain was/is my pain.
Not being invited can be a sensitive issue for some, for reasons you might not know or understand.
I wish parents would be a little kinder to each other in this regard.
I guess just being mature and honest about it wasn’t an option.