Pause.
The whole world is losing their sh*t over Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston having what looks to be a fleeting exchange and still no one is caring nearly enough.
DO WE CALL THEM BRADIFFER OR NO. WE NEED A NICKNAME DO YOU UNDERSTAND.
What we saw, to be clear, was Brad and Jen reuniting physically, but also emotionally, and perhaps most importantly…. spiritually.
This is of global significance because 15 years ago, in a world that was very different but where Brad and Jen looked exactly the same, their marriage ended. A marriage of seven years. Brad did a cheat with a woman from work whose name was Angelina Jolie, and then Jen had to watch MR AND MRS SMITH like it wasn’t a DOCUMENTARY charting her ex-husband’s PATH TO INFIDELITY.
But Jen did what any self-respecting woman would do. She starred in light romantic comedies with Adam Sandler that received appalling reviews but gave people a lot of joy.
She dated Vince Vaughn, Orlando Bloom, John Mayer, before eventually marrying Louis Theroux’s cousin, Justin.
Them feels when you date someone for their cousin's documentaries.
And Brad went on to marry Angelina and have precisely 47 children.
Eventually they split because of something to do with a plane and maybe addiction (??) and now single Brad is back to being Jen's creepy ex and yes you better believe we're here for it.
Angelina Jolie talks about her difficult break up from Brad Pitt. Post continues below.
Yesterday, it was all too much. We were unavailable for comment because we needed time to process the news. But today it's time to sit down, and finally become the body language experts we were never trained to be.
AHEM.
The spotting.
It is clear that Brad is having multiple feelings all at once that he isn't quite emotionally mature enough to articulate and that's okay.
His hands say "I have an erection" and his face says "Pretty lady on the television" which is nice. His posture suggests that he feels proud of Jen but also wondering if she's still mad that he cheated.
Jen's body language simply says: "Brad's watching isn't he". And yes, sweetie. He is. In a room. Alone. Just him and a photographer. Selling the photo for millions.
The greeting.
It's clear from Jen's face that she was a) expecting to run into Brad and b) thought very much about what she might say.
Her smile says, "You cheated on me with another woman but it made me stronger," and her left arm says, "I took up Pilates to invest in myself".
She's wearing white to remind him of their wedding day and shut up you know it's true.
The wrist grab.
THE WRIST GRAB IS FIRM YET GENTLE AND SAYS 'DON'T GO' BUT SIR SHE'S NOT GOING FAR, PROBABLY JUST OVER THERE.
Brad's eyes linger on Jen as if to show he knows her better than anyone, and it's like, idk, we're not even that confident you watched Morning Wars.
At the same time, Jen's hand SCREAMS: 'Let go... don't let go,' and omg so true.
Jen would be perfectly content living the rest of her life with Brad clutching her wrist while searching for a man who deserves her.
Meanwhile, her engagement ring says F*CK THIS INSTITUTION IT HAS GIVEN ME NOTHING.
The moment of tension.
Brad wants to leave which is uncomfortable because both he and Jen are very much contractually obliged to be there. They're literally winning all the awards, giving most of the speeches, etc.
Jen's 'stop' motion with her hand is a signal to the people around her that she's busy and this guy keeps talking to her and ma'am that's literally Brad Pitt.
Listen to The Spill, Mamamia's daily celebrity and pop culture podcast. Post continues below.
By walking away, she's denying the fact that Brad texts her every Friday and Saturday night with 'u up?', and Brad's strokey fingers say, 'I know u still up'.
Meanwhile, the security guard in the background is genuinely confused as to whether he's a) witnessing history, or b) a flirtation he should... interrupt.
The conversation.
THAT HAND HOLD.
BRAD CAN'T TALK TO JEN WITHOUT HOLDING HER HAND AND IT'S LIKE, MATE, YOU'RE VERY MUCH NOT MARRIED ANYMORE.
Jen's confused laugh is a sign of relief that she's looking really good because she's had her hair and makeup done, and she's wearing a new dress.
Sometimes she worries she might see Brad at Coles when she's looking like a foot, and this is far better.
Brad's body language is comfortable because, to be honest, he's never worried about looking like a foot. And that's always been part of the problem with Brad Pitt, hasn't it?
The fkn KISS.
Are they kissing? As professional body language experts, we're unsure.
Are they embracing? It would... appear so, yes.
Brad's tight grip on his award is an indication that he's proud, and he'd also like to ask Jen if she wants to hold it.
Her intimate whisper is an attempt to quietly tell him that, no, she doesn't want to, because she has plenty of her own including one she won literally 3 minutes ago but doesn't feel the need to carry on her... person.
We can't know what happened after their moment of reconciliation.
Perhaps Jen went back to Brad's humble apartment, had a drink, reminisced about old times. He showed her how he kept all the cards... the love letters. She cried, and said, "Brad don't do this... it's been too long..." And then he moved in slowly, and kissed her, and they had sexy time and now Jen finally is pregnant with twins BRAD'S TWINS and New Idea has been right all along.
Or maybe Jen hid in the bathroom, texted her friends "Looool Brad's being cling AF" and then went home to whoever the hell put that ring on her finger and didn't think about Brad once more.
For some reason, we're leaning towards the latter.
Feature image: Getty.
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