finance

'My sister earns four times more than me. I'm struggling to contain my jealousy.'

At 34, I’ve got enough life experience under my belt to believe success is not just about monetary milestones.

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Collectively, in the wake of COVID and on the other side of 24 months of heavily restricted living – society now rightly attributes value to time spent with family, to prioritising mental health, physical wellbeing and the ubiquitous work/ life balance: the life part being whatever you want and need to consider your time well-rounded and meaningful.

However, when filling in my application for mortgage pre-approval recently, I was reminded again that despite many, many elements going into the definition of success, your ability to prove in black and white that you’re able to hold down a mortgage, and then the size and location of the property that the computer deems you able to afford – really is a sobering levelling stick for how well you’re doing in life. 

Before I lose you, yes – I know that home ownership is largely an Australian dream. 

In Europe, families think nothing of renting their entire lives. In Paris – why would you ever dream of wanting a back yard? In Rome, whole generations live happily in centralised apartments. All true. However, it’s still a hard thing to shake off the ingrained perception that if you’re not living in your own home in a desirable suburb – are you really successful?

Which brings me to my sister. 

When asking my little sister for advice on mortgage brokers and the process – which is demeaning enough already given I should technically have my s**t more together as the older one – she sheepishly admitted that she was able to buy her Surry Hills terrace house two years ago with cash, and didn't need a mortgage. 

At the time, she was a single 28-year-old.

Oh. Right. Well then. 

It's a difficult thing to be both genuinely and sincerely impressed, proud and pleased for someone, while at the same time, combating severe and visceral flares of jealousy that borders on rage.

The nature vs nurture debate is one of the oldest in psychology. Is it your environment that ultimately shapes your path – or your inherited genes and abilities? 

Somewhat reassuringly – the evidence seems to prove that at least in the case of how you might expect twins separated at birth to grow and excel differently, that it is your environment that has the greater hand in future expectations. 

Your genes are not your limiting or enabling factor. 

If you haven’t watched already, I highly recommend Three Identical Strangers as a documentary to demonstrate this point. 

My sister and I grew up in the same home, received the same education, were encouraged and provided with every avenue to pursue our dreams. Yet her career trajectory to ultimately own and run her own multinational company, and my choice to instead climb the ranks steadily but always under the safety of being someone’s employee and never the employer, has put a very sizable gap in our earnings and success.

When discussing my feelings of inadequacy with friends, they are quick to remind me of my successful relationships, loyal friends, skills and accomplishments in other areas – all true. But it’s hard to not feel like they’re placating me. And harder again, when none of these things are included on a mortgage application.

Much as we’re welcoming a new dawn of valuing our lives outside of the constraints of 9-5 corporate, there is still a lot of internal and external pressure to demonstrate our success with an address that doesn’t change every 12 months with the ending of a lease and a fresh mail redirection.

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While I wait for NAB to update their eligibility criteria, I try to remind myself of the counselling mantra – speak to yourself like you would a friend in need. 

Translated: you wouldn’t tell your closest friend that they're ailing in the shadows of their big wig sister.

Extend to yourself the same kindness and understanding. 

My efforts to produce feelings of genuine pleasure for my sister – without a side of jealousy – remains a work in progress. Hopefully, the horse float parked illegally in a suburban side-street that I’m conditionally approved to purchase provides the perfect place from which to further ponder.

Feature Image: Getty.

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Top Comments

mjw88 2 years ago
I have been searching for an article like this - someone who can relate to the same predicament. Most of the articles I have read on this sort of thing get focused on the jealously element. For the longest time I didn't realise what I was experiencing was jealousy. To me jealousy just felt like pain and despair. However much of the world seems to talk about jealousy as something to be ashamed of and I think this is wrong when a person knows they're jealous and they're already feeling ashamed and trying to move past it.
My younger sister is married with two children and has lived in a very wealthy home for the past 7-8 years and she and her husband are now building a new monster home with all of the bells and whistles. I, meanwhile, have moved from place to place and job to job in all of that time earning less that $55k a year despite my university degree - I just can't land better jobs due to my quiet personality.
She doesn't have to work, doesn't help on her husband's farm and her house is usually quite messy. Meanwhile I drive a vehicle a quarter of the price of hers, live with a housemate with all my things in storage, weigh 30 kilos more and have been virtually single my whole adult life.
Every time we catch up what little self confidence I have found is squashed. She's extroverted, a beautiful dresser and perhaps most discouragingly to me, shares almost all of the same interests I do. No matter where I have tried to be different in the past, she has dabbled in the same area. I found out last year she was writing a book. I have tried to write one for years. I've paid money to do courses, attended workshops but never quite completed anything. I was absolutely crushed when I found this out because I just feel like I can't compete. Everything she attempts she seems to do better than I do.
I of course realise my feelings are unfair to her. I should be proud of her and gracious but I just feel so awful about myself during visits and she just takes up so much of a room with her presence and chatter that I just feel like it's pointless to compete and so I stay silent and get accused of being grouchy by my Mum. I also of course realise it's not a competition and I don't need to be the centre of attention as an introvert but it just seems impossible to me to be in her presence when it's so painful to me. I feel like she is the sun and I just get burned.
I've tried to move past it but nothing I have tried seems to have helped. It doesn't help that extroverts and beautiful people just seem to do better in life. I'm not saying they don't have difficulties but in lots of areas, it is just so much easier for them.
Thanks for sharing your story. It's nice to know I am not the only one struggling with these feelings I don't want with a sibling that I should be proud of but instead, I just sometimes wish had never been born. 

jenzi6975 2 years ago 3 upvotes
I grew up in a house with no money.  I have always been conscious of my need to have a secure job.  I remember telling one friend who had her own business how in awe of her I am, that I needed the security of a secure wage.  I know the trade-off is as a nurse I will never be a squillionaire, but I also am so grateful to have confidence and predictability in my earnings.  As someone who has struggled with OCD, I know that this stability is essential for my mental health.  
To those who take the risks, I just take my hat off to them and wish them well.