This post deals with miscarriage, fertility challenges and postnatal depression, and may be triggering for some readers.
Jackie Gillies has been open about her difficult path to motherhood.
The Real Housewives of Melbourne (RHOM) alum, psychic medium and businesswoman recently welcomed twin boys with her husband Ben Gillies of Silverchair fame.
But Jackie has shared her experience with IVF, egg retrieval, and sadly miscarriage, with her audience in a bid to make other parents feel less alone.
Watch: Be a good mum. Post continues below.
In May this year, Jackie and Ben announced they were expecting twins, saying "It has been a bumpy IVF journey but all worth it".
“One of the biggest reasons I decided to come back for this season [of RHOM] was because I felt that I needed to be open about IVF and my journey,” Jackie said in a livestream Q&A hosted by comedian Joel Creasey.
In this season of RHOM, Jackie shared her experience of miscarriage, ten weeks into her pregnancy.
"I keep thinking of the memories. Going into the scan and hearing the heartbeat, and then the next time you go in it's not there anymore. You think, is there something wrong with me? Any woman that’s gone through a miscarriage knows that it’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever experience.
"I remember I was crying in my room for two days."
She continued: "I know how it feels to go through IVF, egg retrievals and those emotions, and I decided I needed to share everything including the miscarriage, and the ups and downs of IVF because it’s not an easy journey."
As for Jackie's pregnancy with her twins, she was filming the latest season of RHOM and also experiencing sciatica while pregnant.
A few weeks before giving birth, Jackie said on her podcast Shine It Up With Jackie Gillies: "I can't wait to see what they look like and their little personalities. I do get anxious sometimes thinking about their arrival."
Listen to Get Me Pregnant: Everything you need to know about IVF. Post continues after audio.
In October, the time had come for Jackie to give birth.
"The night before going into my planned c-section, I was freaking out," she said.
"There was so much anxiety, thinking am I going to be a good enough mother, grieving my old life, this is really happening, do I have everything ready, what happens if I do this wrong or that wrong: I was overthinking."
That night Jackie says she didn't sleep at all, ruminating over her new life and impending motherhood.
The morning of the c-section, Jackie arrived at the hospital at 5am. "I'm preparing myself, getting my gown on, Ben is putting on scrubs. I was so nervous and got emotional. Consider every possible thought, and trust me when I say I was thinking it times 10. I said a little prayer, talked to the angels and was wheeled over to the observation room."
On the podcast, Jackie also credited her husband saying: "Ben is the best support. He was holding my hand".
With a playlist consisting of Led Zeppelin, Chaka Khan and her husband's music, Jackie walked into the operating theatre, received her spinal block and the c-section began.
"It felt like somebody was rummaging around in me. They put the two babies on me, skin on skin, and I see these things looking at me and it was the weirdest feeling. I couldn't believe they were mine. When I took a moment and breathed in and out, I realised I am now a mother."
Feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, Jackie said the whole experience "felt like it happened in the blink of an eye".
Jackie continued: "Ben is absolutely besotted, cuddling and kissing these babies. Then they ask me if I want to breastfeed, but of course I've got no idea how to. Breastfeeding is one of the hardest things ever, so hats off to the women who found it easy because it sure wasn't easy for me."
Twin one as he was known in the hospital is Bonham David Gillies. The name Bonham was inspired by the late Led Zeppelin drummer John Bonham, who was "a very large influence" on Jackie's husband Ben's music career. Plus twin one's middle name, David, is Ben's dad's first name.
Twin two's name is Rocco Ivan Gillies. The middle name, Ivan, is Jackie's dad's first name, and as for Rocco: "it's just a beautiful name," Jackie shared.
"Their personalities definitely match their names. Rocco is a little bit fiery, whereas Bonham is a little bit of a zen master," Ben said on the podcast.
Two months down the track, Jackie shared that like any new parent, she is learning every day.
"Listen, I'm still struggling with breastfeeding and I'm still trying to learn everything and it will take a while. I've just got to give into the process and do what works best for me and our babies," she said.
Jackie also opened up about her experience with "baby blues".
"I was crying. Baby blues is a real thing. I want people to know not to be afraid to ask for help.
"It's a lot of hard work: from breastfeeding to breast pumping, hormones to sleep deprivation. It's a change of lifestyle that's a shock to the system," Jackie noted.
"I'm still learning, it's all a head spin. But it is the most joyous love I've ever felt. Meeting my babies was still one of the happiest days of my life."
Shine It Up With Jackie Gillies is available to listen to on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
If this has raised any issues for you or if you would like to speak with someone, please contact the Sands Australia 24-hour support line on 1300 072 637.
If you think you or someone you know may be suffering from depression, contact PANDA – Post and Antenatal Depression Association. You can find their website here or call their helpline – 1300 726 306.
Feature Image: Instagram/ @jackiegilliestv
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