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The Twins recap: Ivan's frankly appalling Australia's Got Talent audition.

Sometimes in life, we like things.

But that doesn’t mean we should necessarily do those things on the television. Over and over again.

A tall man named Ivan Krslovic passionately disagrees. 

You might remember Ivan from that one time he tried to blend an avocado pit on a date during The Bachelorette and it was really, really loud, or from that time he crept into Tenille’s room and waited for her to pls finish using the toilet on Bachelor in Paradise.

avocado

You see, when Ivan grows up he wants to be Channing Tatum. Specifically, in Step Up. 

So when he danced on The Bachelorette, dropping in his dream multiple times, and then did the same thing on Bachelor in Paradise, he didn't give up. Because would Channing Tatum give up? Probably, if he couldn't dance.

Now, Ivan has appeared on Australia's Got Talent, signalling to the country: GUYS, NO. I KNOW YOU THOUGHT I WAS JOKING BUT I REALLY WANT TO BE AUSTRALIA'S MAGIC MIKE.

And sweetie, we know. We always knew. We just don't... want it.

On Monday night, Ivan stepped out on the Australia's Got Talent stage in front of the four judges.

One who we'll call 'The Man from the Toilet Movie', another who is 'The Captain of the Pussycat Dolls', the third who is obviously Manu from all the cooking shows and the fourth, Lucy, who is in all the musicals.

"I KNOW THIS GUY" Lucy shouts when she sees Ivan and omg same.

Watch a snippet of Ivan's performance on Australia's Got Talent. Post continues after video.

Video by Channel 7
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In a pre-recorded package, Ivan is shown walking down the street, as a nameless, faceless woman yells "Can I get a selfie" before being slipped $50 for her role in the video.

He explains that his life mirrors Channing Tatum's in Step Up, mostly because he also fell in love with dancing late in life (at 25). There are a few problems with this statement, mostly a) Step Up is a fictional film, and b) Channing Tatum's character could actually dance.

Ivan
^^ Not Ivan.

Ivan is now 29, and is a good example of why we shouldn't take up hobbies in our 20s.

"I wouldn't mind meeting Channing Tatum, wouldn't mind doing a Magic Mike with him, Channing if you're listening," Ivan says with a cheeky smile and holy sh*t there are like one thousand things Channing would be doing before watching Australia's Got Talent episode six.

When he steps out on stage, The Captain of the Pussycat Dolls says, "So, you're like the Aussie Channing Tatum?" and NO MA'AM HE IS NOT.

The music starts, and he begins to dance.

Obviously, he's dancing to 'Let Me Love You' by Mario, because the year is 2004 and no one's ever thought to dance to this before.

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We'd like to point out that when we were in Year 7 a girl at a talent quest also danced to this song, and she was better (only slightly) than Ivan. When the song says 'let me be the one to...' she held up one finger then two and it was really very clever.

Ivan has no clever hand movements. He gyrates. He has two backup dancers who both outshine him.

What he does cannot be classified as 'dancing'. It is a series of movements devoid of rhythm that are also slightly out of time.

Nonetheless Ricki-Lee loves it as does The Captain of the Pussycat Dolls.

rikki-lee
Don't encourage him.

But just as the song is coming to a crescendo, Ivan gets... tired.

He appears to give up, not unlike a four-year-old whose mum is in the front row and has therefore used all their energy to impress her in the first 30 seconds.

Everything is slow and out of sync, and his dancing constantly looks as though he's about to do something cool, but then he... doesn't.

By the end he has entirely given up, and sir, you needed to train harder for this moment.

For reasons that are entirely unclear, Ivan seems to think he did a good job and should definitely progress to the next round.

Manu, however, is... appalled.

"I love cheese a lot," he says, "but that was a little bit cheesy for me mate. "

The audience have been instructed to boo, but even they're not convincing.

The Captain of the Pussycat Dolls has been encouraged to disagree with Manu, and employs some ridiculous pun about cheese and how she likes it and wants it poured on her (??).

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Lucy feels bad about the time Ivan danced badly on television, so tells him, "I really like the way you emote through dance, and I can see that's your passion," BUT LUCY PLS DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM.

lucy
'I'm lying to make you feel better.'

The Man from the Toilet Movie doesn't have time for this sh*t, so tries to warn Ivan, gently, that there's stiff competition in that there are people who can actually dance, and this would be an issue down the track.

Unwilling to give up, Ivan just keeps repeating "I-can-beat-it", but you can't and you don't even know what it is.

Ultimately, Manu and The Man from the Toilet Movie both say no, meaning Ivan won't be progressing through to the next round.

"That was not okay," Ricki-Lee says as Ivan walks off stage. We hope she's talking about the performance but it seems she may be referring to the judge's decision.

"I don't agree with that," she says. "The crowd loved you."

NO. THIS HAS TO STOP.

THEY DIDN'T. WE DIDN'T.

Ivan leaves, hoping Channing Tatum is waiting out the back to say, 'man, that was so good, let's make another Magic Mike but call it Magic Ivan - starring you'.

But Channing isn't there.

Because Channing isn't coming.

Ever.

For more from Clare and Jessie Stephens, you can follow them on FacebookInstagram and Twitter.

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