by MELISSA CHAPMAN
I love my husband, madly, desperately and passionately. But I also realise now, at almost 39, something I didn’t really consider at 25 when I was marrying a 40 year old man; that this age difference will be a factor, simply because no matter how young at heart we feel the physical body is its own beast that ages (and dies just a little) every day.
That’s right- my husband is 54, aka, most of his friends have kids who have already graduated from university and some who are even getting married. He’s middle-aged – and while when I look at him and his greying temples and the deepening furrows in his brow- I love him all the more – physically he is not on par with that of a 38 year old man (or woman). He just doesn’t have the energy that I do – and while I’ve never felt our dramatic 15-year age difference before, recently I have and it just makes me wistful ( and wondering how my life would be different had I married someone my own age).
Don’t get me wrong- the man is in really good shape- he goes running everyday and even takes cholesterol medicine ( sheesh my husband takes cholesterol medicine) . And he can run circles around me… but when the clock strikes 6pm he’s ready for bed (yes he’s an early bird special enthusiast) and well, I’m not. And getting him to go out and party into the wee hours of 10pm on a weekend night, well it’s a struggle to say the least. I know it’s not that he doesn’t want to – rather his internal clock just doesn’t work well at that time in the evening – and at almost 39 mine is a RARING to go.
But I get it– this is my marital tradeoff – I married someone older as opposed to my own age because he possessed a maturity level that I simply couldn’t find in someone my own age. (When I got married at 25 years old, my husband who was 40, was still good to go after 10pm!) I married someone who was ready to settle down and start a family and be as hands on a father as I could possibly hope for. And I don’t regret my decision at all- I know it’s part of my path- and I love my husband– I just wish- every once in a while- he could stay up past 10pm…
Melissa Chapman is the chief blogger at Married My Sugar Daddy, which you can find here.
What’s your marital tradeoff?
Top Comments
Interesting article and insightful comments! My partner is 22 years older than me. I'm not sure I'm cool with the 'trade off' perspective. This assumes that if there's no trade off, then all is perfect. And as we all know there's no perfect relationship. Mine is energising, familiar yet changing, and really positive. I have a best friend, lover and companion. He appears younger than his chronological age and I've always been 'mature'. We don't have children. I've just found myself emerging on the other side of a stressful period of wondering whether I've left it too late for him (parenting). But I feel really positive knowing that he would/could/will be a deeply committed, natural, fun and patient parent. This could be really suitable for us as I guess I will be a major bread winner whilst he parents. My life is too short to ponder about trade-offs or worry about what other people think. As it happens, my partner is an incredibly likeable, popular, multi-skilled and well received lad, and I'm more than fortunate to have him.
I have some musings on this subject. He is 58. I am 34. I'm not sure if anyone is still reading the post and comments. I'm happy to share some of my thoughts and experiences...and there are a few!
I would be interested in your musings.... At 38 I dated a 50 year old and, among other issues that sealed the fate of the relationship, decided that the age difference was something I could not pretend I didn't care about. I realise your age gap is much larger than that. Since then, I have been happy with someone only a couple of years difference in age to myself - but would be very intrigued to hear your thoughts and experiences, to compare with my experience. He would now be 61 years old and I don't really know how I would feel about that if we were still together.