Dress? Check. Flowers? Check. Invites? Posted. Anti-invites?
Sorry…. what?
Imagine finding out your friends are getting married, only to receive a don’t-save-the-date card.
Apparently it happens.
There’s a new trend in weddings where happy couples send wedding announcements to the people who didn’t make the cut for their invite list.
Ouch.
The trend is being described as the ‘anti invite’ (or a don’t-save-the-date card) and a recent letter to a Slate magazine advice column confirms its existence.
This is a letter to ‘Dear Prudence…’
Recently I received two separate announcements letting me know that I’m not invited to the wedding of a friend. Apparently, it’s a trend for brides and grooms to tell people who didn’t make the cut that they aren’t going to witness the special day. (Google “How to tell someone you’re not inviting them to your wedding.”) I have no idea how to respond. It seems churlish to say that I’m relieved, but it’s also awkward to admit my feelings were hurt. Please help.
—A Perplexed Nonwedding Guest
Awks.
Now, we couldn’t find the anti invite available at any Etsy stores, but a quick Google search of “How to tell someone you’re not inviting them to your wedding” (as suggested by the Perplexed Nonwedding Guest) shows that there’s definitely a market for them.
It looks like the problem of how to tell people they didn’t make the cut is a common one.
So what do you do?
One site suggests blaming the budget if a friend asks why they’re not invited. (Try: “It’s SO hard not to go into debt over this, because of course we want to invite everyone…”). Another suggestion is to use “intimacy” to close comments (Use: “We made the difficult decision to just keep the wedding very small — mostly just close family.”)
As for how you tell them, there’s the one that suggests you call everyone who didn’t make cut. Another suggests an informal, one-on-one chat.
Yes. An informal chat. With everyone that doesn’t get invited?
No wonder they created the anti invite.
What do you think of the idea? How would you tell people they’re not invited to a wedding? How do you choose who gets invited and who doesn’t?
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The Quicky
Top Comments
what do I do? my daughter got engaged, knowing I wasnt working, her grandmother is paying for everything, but it was in agreement that I would help out after I got determined that I was perm. disabled, STD were sent out and 3 months before the wedding got a phone call saying since I havent contributed that my whopping family of 21 people had to be uninvited, this being said 90% of my family is choosing not to go and some of them are just going to go to the church. Im very upset that I think I too am only going to the church so as not to give the satisfaction to her grandmother saying she had to pay my way...mind you that original invite list was 170, and at the time of my family, which is hers also being uninvited the count went up to 190, friends are still on the list and since I do not have any finances my family is still cut.......help, I need your thoughts
I think it's maybe a little mean...
Why not have a big engagement party and on the invite say that you are keeping the wedding small but you want them to help you celebrate beforehand?
I had this idea of having a photographer at the engagement and keeping a list of who attends the engagement party.
After the wedding send an announcement card with a photo from the party and thank them for their support and that you appreciated that they were able to celebrate with you