Last week we posted an article about smacking and why you shouldn’t smack your kids. Wow. There were some strong responses. Some very angry people and also a lot of people who agreed vehemently. We also received a lot of requests for different approaches to discipline. So today we get to take some time out with Meg Parkinson who is a parenting educator and examines the use of time out.
Please note that we are NOT publishing this in order to judge parents or children or to tell you how to parent. We are just looking at different opinions. Meg writes
Time out means time away from the situation in which the problem behaviour occurs. As adults, we know that if we are having a problem at work, or having trouble dealing with another person, it is best to take a break. When we come back to it, we find that the situation is much easier to handle.
Children need breaks too, especially when they are overstimulated, making poor behavioural choices or are generally not feeling in control. So, I see time out as more of a holiday, a little break away from whatever it is that is causing the problem. It is a chance to regroup before coming back and having another go. This is a great habit for children to learn early. (We all know that if we don’t get the opportunity for a break, we can very easily have our own tantrums!) Your kids are lucky; they have you to say, ‘You know what, it looks like you need to take a break. It’s time to go to your room for some quiet time.’ Afterwards, they can come back refreshed and ready to show us what we know they can do, and how they can ask for things politely, and how they can sort out whose turn it is on the computer! Personally, I have always found holidays in a comforting, calming place much more attractive than jail as an option to help me get back on track. Children seem to agree.
Top Comments
I just use the Jo Frost (Supernanny) techniques. They work so well and having steps to follow means I don't stress out to much when I'm dealing with tantrums.
I use time-outs. I use it on my children most of the time, and occasionally I use it on ME!!!
Mr 6 absolutely loathes it and given the choice between having a finger cut off or time out, I am sure he'd seriously weigh up the disadvantages of being missing a finger! It's an effective 'threat' though, and now we only actually use it with him for really serious misdemeanours (like biting his big brother).
Mr 9 is a different kettle of fish altogether. It acted as an effective punishment/deterent for him until he was old enough to have some self control. We're at the point now that The Corner no longer exists, and serious time out involves being sent to sit on the back step until they're 'civilised' (usually about 5-10 minutes) or sent to bed for being truly vile (when one is deliberately injured by the other).
Time out for me - well, that's for those days when everyone is storm trooping on everyone else's buttons. Sometimes, I take myself off to *my* room until they notice I am missing! By the time they find me, I've calmed down and so have they. Win win, as far as I am concerned!