'My husband cares more about his own 'biological clock' than mine.'

As told to Rebel Wylie.

When I met *Joe, the fact that he was five years older than me did not even blip on my radar. I'd come off a string of disastrous dates with egotisical, commitment-phobes so coming across a profile of someone who genuinely seemed to be looking for love was refreshing.

Joe's profile stood out from the rest. He was born in in Beirut and had lived in Mexico for a decade. He'd studied engineering, spoke four languages and from the very start I was intrigued. This was an interesting person!

The way Joe communicated proved that he was educated, articulate and straight to the point — he asked me out for dinner almost immediately and I sensed that I had strayed far from f-boy land at last.

That first date gave me a feeling of calm that I had never experienced in my dating life and from the beginning it was clear that this was a man who was willing to prioritise me. I've never once had to question his intentions or had to wonder 'does this guy like me'. I'd met a man who was interesting, confident, attentive, hard-working and stable, the fact that he was five years older than me did not ever come into the equation.

Joe owned his own home and very early on we began to establish a life together. As we discussed plans for the future the topic of children came up. At that point neither of us were that focused on the idea of starting a family, unsure if it was even something that we wanted. Joe is cautious by nature, not going into things unless he is 100 percent positive and I'd been single so long that the idea of becoming a mother had dropped off my horizon, I'm certainly not cut out for going it alone.

And then, as it does, time ticked on and my perspective began to change. Watching my soft-hearted Joe with his niece and nephew, I just knew that he'd make an incredible father. My desire to begin a family with him took hold and we started to make plans.

Watch: The Risks of Geriatric Pregnancy. Post continues after video.

Joe was hesitant at first, and it took a bit of convincing, but this man looks after me so well that two years into our relationship — me aged 38 and Joe, 43 — we actively began trying for a baby, understanding that it may not happen straight away.

We had instant success, falling pregnant immediately. My excitement was palpable and despite all the warnings to wait until the 12 week 'safety zone' to share the news, I broke at seven weeks, telling our excited families one Saturday morning that we were going to be parents. I even filmed the announcement and sent it to my brother in Denmark, I was that confident that nothing bad would happen.

The very next morning I began to cramp and bleed. I was miscarrying our baby. I have never cried so much in my life. It was horrendous.

I turned my energy and focus into getting pregnant again, and just six months later it happened. This time was different, the beginning of this pregnancy was clouded with an anxiety and insecurity that I would miscarry again. Despite my fears I went on to have a reasonably healthy pregnancy and Joe and I welcomed a beautiful baby boy.

The newborn days were rough for us. *Joe Jnr didn't sleep anywhere but upright, nestled on us for the first 10 weeks. Joe would spend each night sleeping while sitting upright with Joe Jnr on his chest. An eventual reflux diagnosis was aided with medication saw things begin to improve, but it was two years before our sweet baby boy ever slept through the night. We were exhausted. Joe more than me.

The idea of expanding on our family after two years of sleepless nights took some convincing. Joe is probably the only middle eastern man that doesn't desire a brood of children, so he really had to sit with the idea for a while. Being super close with my own siblings I felt strongly that Joe Jnr would benefit so much from being a big brother and eventually Joe came around to the idea of trying again.

After 12 months of trying with no success, we discovered a couple of fertility issues that needed addressing and I underwent surgery to remove a uterine polyp and some endometriosis.

Soon I fell pregnant again. I was excited but very aware of the risks and once again went into it with some anxiety and uncertainty. Unfortunately those fears were founded because at nine weeks it was determined that our baby didn't have a heartbeat.

Listen: We've Never Been More Tired And Now There's A Nappy In The Fridge. Post continues after podcast.

Joe took it better than me, content with Joe Jnr, he would say "you can only do what you can do" and I would think, no we can do more, you're taking the easy way out, people go through so much worse than this when it comes to fertility.

People way older than us were having babies, but Joe was tired and as time went on the reality of being an older father began to sink in.

Joe adores Joe Jnr, of course, but the idea of bringing another child into our lives comes with conversations about his age and how he feels too tired for young children.

Joe's work is stressful too, which plays a big factor. He works six days a week in a role with a lot of responsibility, and he puts forward the argument that: "I'm not going to be able to help you as much as I did with Joe Jnr, having two kids is going to be all on you".

But it's his energy levels that are his biggest concern. Joe complains about being tired constantly, taking naps in the day whenever Joe Jnr does and feeling immense guilt when he doesn't have the energy to give Joe Jnr the roughhouse play he loves.

At first I would dismiss all of his complaints or justifications for not having any more children because in my mind I just thought it's what needs to be done. We just have to keep going and keep trying to give Joe Jnr a sibling.

But I love Joe, and more and more I can see that being an older father does bring valid reasons for considering whether to try again. I know how much more tired I feel than I did five years ago, so I have to appreciate that for my husband that half a decade is a big deal.

If it had happened straight away, that would have been one thing, but when the journey takes longer and is halted by disappointment you have so much more time to think. Every day, month and year that passes without a positive pregnancy, it begins to feel more difficult and out of reach.

I think about the fact that Joe Jnr might be an only child a lot now. It's all really hard and I don't think there's any right answer of what to do. But I do know that ultimately both parents should have a say in how long you keep trying.

And if we're going to end up with just one child, at least we got the cutest one who ever existed. But I may be biased.

Feature Image: Getty.