Ah. The ol’ ménage à trois.
It might be something you have thought about, talked about, or even maybe dabbled in. But there’s no denying it, how to actually go about having a threesome can seem incredibly daunting.
So this week, we asked sex therapist, sex worker and co-host of The Prude and The Pornstar podcast, Madison Missina, to share her tips on making sure it’s fun, safe, and enjoyable for everyone involved.
Step one. Find the “three” in your threesome.
Think about it – we all know how to date and attract one partner – but what happens when you want two? Madison says that there’s a couple of different ways you can go about getting a third person to play with you.
You can ask a friend, you can go into a bar and pick up someone, use dating apps, or, or course, hire a professional.
According to Madison, all options have their have pros and cons, “If you’re going with a friend, there is a chance it could get really complicated, but it could also be really awesome, you can have a great friendship and be play partners as well. On dating apps, we all know about the security…is that person really who they say they are? With a sex worker, feelings are generally not going to get involved, it’s a bit cleaner and you’re probably dealing with someone who has already had a lot of threesomes.” she explains.
Madison has more advice about how to approach someone to ask if they’ll have a threesome with you…(Post continues after audio.)
Keep it safe.
One of the most important things that Madison says you should know is you have to change condoms every time you switch partners. Yes. Every. Single. Time.
Because you don’t want any residue fluid contaminating anyone else in the threesome. And while it might sound like it could get awkward, Madison says there are some easy ways you can do it.
“It does get a bit tricky, but generally in normal threesomes, you can do things like, when you’re taking the condom off, and you’re wiping everything down, that’s a great time to stop for an oral sex break, or if you’re going to have sex with that one girl, do a couple of positions, whilst the other girl is doing something else, and then swap, don’t do such quick swaps between partners.
It does take a little bit of work, but a threesome is a little bit of extra fun.” She says.
Image: Sex and the City.
Always stay busy.
Another tip she has is how to make sure there is no "third wheel" in the trio, and that everyone feels involved.
"In porn when we're doing group sex, we always say always make sure that you're occupied doing something, so this means if for some reason that you end up out of the group...then pull out a toy and start self-pleasuring, and eventually the group does come back around. " she explains.
Set the pace correctly.
The golden rule for a threesome, Madison says, is "to go at the pace of the slowest partner".
Because if anyone is going to feel uncomfortable during the threesome, it will probably be them, and she explains, it is usually because things are moving too quickly.
"In a couple there will be one partner that wants it more than the other partner...you need to make sure that if one partner - the person who is least comfortable with everything, who's the most unsure and maybe they wanna go a bit slow - their boundary needs to be respected." Madison explains.
Watch: Mamamia Confessions: The time I lost my virginity. (Post continues after video.)
Aftercare.
And one final tip - if you're in a couple, and you've invited someone to come in and have a threesome with you, you might feel a little disconnected afterwards. That's entirely normal. Taking the time, once the third party has left, to reconnect with your partner is important.
"It could be anything from having a bubble bath together, to sitting down and having a drink and talking about what they liked and didn't like about it...anything that just basically reaffirms the couple, and the love, and make sure that both partners feel safe and secure." Madison says.
Also on The Prude and The Pornstar this week - our listener question is a romantic tale: what happens when you fall in love with a sex worker? Can you have a real life Pretty Woman moment? And, as always, Madison has a hot homework tip for you to try at home…this week, the common household items you can use for sex play.
For more episodes of The Prude and The Pornstar, subscribe to the show in iTunes, or download it on your podcast app of choice (we recommend the Mamamia Podcast App!)