House Resilience vs House Snowflake.
That is the clumsy division being drawn between two royal brothers, as their families – yet again – prepare for battle.
In case you missed it, right now the latest season of The Windsors At War – a reality show that's been running since before any of us were born – is writing itself.
For a dramatic backdrop, we have a royal tour in full swing. Kate and William's visit to the east coast of America is the first trip since he was promoted to his dad's old job, Prince Of Wales, and it's been going... patchily.
There have been some lovely moments, to be sure. Princess Catherine in an eco-rented dress, Princess Diana's emeralds at her throat, shaking the hands of music moguls and movie stars at a charity ball to save the world. She and Wills, handing out awards to the worthy.
But there have been some wobbles. A racist family friend making nuisance back home. Some uncomfortable boo-ing at a basketball game.
And then, there's been that damned trailer.
On Thursday, a shot was fired from the palm-fringed west coast. The Duke and Duchess once of Sussex, now of Montecito, California, dropped the promo for their long-awaited documentary series, Harry and Meghan. And among the tasteful black-and-white depictions of unguarded intimacy, laughter and tears, there was a deliberate, singular image of Kate and William.
Watch the trailer for Harry & Meghan right here. Post continues after video.
'No-one knows sees what's happening behind closed doors', intones Prince Harry, and his brother and sister-in-law appear on the screen. Dour, furious looking, Kate delivering an icy glare a queen-in-waiting does well to develop.
'Whatever can this mean?', asked no-one.
And you could almost hear the Wales' heavy sighs from here.
Wearying.
That's how senior royal aides are describing the news about the Duke and Duchess of Sussex's Netflix "world event", dropping this week.
"Very wearying," well-worn royal sources told The Telegraph, one of the UK's most-establishment-adjacent, conservative newspapers.
But, they went on to say, the senior royals were 'unflustered' by it – because there's nothing left to say, no 'bombshells left to drop'.
That sounds optimistic. Netflix probably didn't pay a reported $146 million for a bomb-free zone.
But if you also think that a six-part documentary about two famous people's love story in a world willing them to fail sounds wearying, you are probably over 35.
If you think it's about time that we heard the "real story" about a deeply problematic institution from the brave and bright young souls strong enough to give it the middle finger, you're probably not.
This is not my theory, which is lucky, because I am definitely over 35 and I sit somewhere in the middle, straddling a fence, shovelling in the popcorn.
No, this was an observation elegantly put by royal author Amanda Foreman this weekend, when in the Sunday Times she wrote about who was winning the PR war between the King's two sons:
...The Waleses offer the world a fixed basket of virtues: duty, probity, discipline, decency, discretion, loyalty, and commitment. It is a worthy one, to be sure, and also totally — fatally — in step with the values of the over-40 crowd: Baby Boomers, Generation X, and some millennials. But the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are dealers in today’s currency: self-actualisation, self-healing, self-identity, self-care, self-expression, self-confidence, and self-love.
Today's currency. Yes.
In a hyper-polarised world, we project culture wars onto all things. And this one is easy.
The Sussexes have positioned themselves as the victims of two institutions that are almost impossible to defend: The tabloid press, who have proved themselves over and again to invade privacy, bully women, harass children, twist truths and support questionable leaders. And the royal family, an organisation based entirely on the notion that some people are born better than others. So much better than others that they should be in charge of them, wherever they are in the world.
The Sussexes wrestled themselves free from these toxic institutions against all odds and stand now in their comfortable truth, shoulder-to-shoulder with their millionaire mates, making content.
It would be hard to invent more relevant cultural heroes in 2022.
Meanwhile, Wills and Kate are still in bed with the baddies. And it might be true that their privileged lives of service don't come with multi-million-dollar signing bonuses. Nor do they come with the freedom to spit the dummy about how deeply screwed it was to grow up, Truman Show-style, with a nation poring over your first steps, your first day at school, your first kiss... but in an era where we demand cancellation for far smaller indiscretions, how do you stay on-side when you're still trying to defend the indefensible?
Team Resilience is apparently hoping that sticking to the usual rule book will do the job. That dignity and duty, remaining unflustered and dealing with problematic matters privately will somehow come back into fashion.
Does that sound familiar, over-40 friends?
Listen to this episode of Mamamia Out Loud, where Holly speaks to this very debate. Post continues after podcast.
The Wales' team is blindly hoping that people understand they are not the racist octogenarian lady-in-waiting who resigned last week after touching charity founder Ngozi Fulani's hair at a royal function, and demanding, repeatedly, to know "where are you from?" Surely, Team Resilience is thinking, they know that's not us?
Team Wales believe people will tire of hearing Harry tell the story only he in the entire world can tell. The one about what it was like to be born a supporting character, to a mother locked in a loveless marriage, tortured by an unfeeling institution, a woman who died young being chased by the people who now chase him and his wife, and his children.
And Team Wales hopes we think it's a touch tacky that while they are handing out awards to the worthy at charity galas, Team Sussex are about to turn up to New York City's fanciest Charity ball in to receive one. Yes, this week Harry and Meghan are receiving The Ripple of Hope Award from the Robert F. Kennedy Human Rights foundation for their services fighting racism.
Good luck with that, Team Wales.
Princess Diana learned a valuable lesson in the mess of her very public royal divorce – the way to fight an institution rooted in tradition and order was with irreverence and chaos.
Prince Harry is his mother's son. With precise, ruthless timing – after his beloved grandmother's death, before his father's coronation – he will release a blistering book and an access-all-areas, high-production documentary. There has already been a House of Sussex Oprah chat, a podcast and a charitable foundation.
It's hard to see how this strategy will miss with the people who matter to the Sussexes – the ones who think Team Resilience are complicit, cold, and out-of-touch. The ones who witness the barely-disguised hate aimed at Meghan every time she speaks and think... I do not want to sit with those people.
If the world belongs to the young then the score, so far, is clear.
It's Round one to Team Snowflake.
Image: Getty + Mamamia.
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