The internet's 'concern' for Ballerina Farm is getting out of control.

When The Times article on the life of Hannah Neeleman, her husband, and their eight children went viral last month, I was first in line to devour its contents. 

Videos from Hannah's Ballerina Farm account, have been seeping onto my algorithms ever since she both inspired and ruffled feathers for competing in Mrs World earlier this year two weeks after giving birth.

Hannah is an ex-Julliard ballerina, who moved to a farm in Utah to raise kids and start a meat shipping company with her husband Daniel. She's the queen of what's been called the 'trad-wife' or 'traditional wife' movement, essentially a woman who makes meals from scratch, homeschools her brood and does the majority of the caring and nurturing while Daniel does the majority of the providing and protecting. They're also Mormon, so a lot of their values line up with their faith. 

Watch a snippet of Hannah's life.  

I didn't find The Times journalists' revelations about their family shocking, as I had read between the lines while following on with their content. I had assumed Daniel was the driving force behind their lifestyle and was 'in charge' of their household. But I did find the extent of his control, demonstrated throughout the course of the article, both surprising and concerning. 

Author Megan Agnew noted how he kept interrupting when she'd ask Hannah a question, and it was obvious during the interview how much sway he had in pretty much everything they did, (even Hannah's birth plans, which included an epidural just once, when he wasn't present.)  

Perhaps the most concerning revelation was that Hannah often becomes so exhausted in her day-to-day that she spends a week in bed recovering, and the saddest revelation was Daniel's birthday gift of an egg apron (literally an apron that carries eggs), when she'd been hoping for tickets to Greece. 

The article painted the picture of an oppressed, overworked mother and wife, who did enormous amounts of labour for her family and the internet responded accordingly. 

TikTok (Ballerina Farm's social medium of choice) was flooded with concerned readers worried about Hannah's wellbeing and criticising Daniel as an abuser and tyrant. The internet was devastated to learn that she gave up her dream of becoming a ballerina to become a 'trad wife' and that while she had wanted to date for a year, he insisted they get married and pregnant within the first three months of meeting.

Former Mormon trad-wives shared their stories, and how they got out of that life. Domestic abuse survivors did the same, implying that Hannah was living in an abusive marriage. 

Daniel, Hannah and their eight children. Image: Ballerina Farm.

The Times article was dissected on radio programs and TV shows and Agnew doubled down on her take of the reality of the 'Ballerina Farm fantasy' in a second article which described Daniel as having, "staunchly traditional views, combined with unmistakably 21st-century business acumen. He expected his wife to stay at home with the children. He was a 'firm believer', he said, that men 'make stuff work' and women 'beautify'." 

'Yes, yes, yes!' I thought to myself, as I watched the response online. While I felt concerned for Hannah's safety as the 'truth' of her lifestyle was splashed across the world without her control (I worry how Daniel might've reacted to it all), I felt relieved to see the aspirational 'trad-wife' lifestyle revealed as what it actually was—hard, selfless, unrelenting labour for women. 

But then Hannah responded. Finally, we heard from the woman herself who shared that she felt shocked by the article, calling it an "attack on our family."

She'd welcomed Agnew into her home, with TikToks from the morning of the interview showing her excitedly doing her makeup and picking her dress for the occasion. 

"This couldn't be further from the truth," she said of the implication that she was being oppressed by her husband. 

"Nothing we said in the interview implied this conclusion, which leads me to believe the angle taken was predetermined," she continued.

"The greatest day of my life was when Daniel and I were married 13 years ago. Together we have built a business from scratch, we've brought eight children into this world and have prioritized our marriage all along the way. We are co-parents, co-CEOs, co-diaper changers, kitchen cleaners and decision makers. We are one, and I love him more today than I did 13 years ago," she added. 

@ballerinafarm

What I’ve been thinking lately…

♬ original sound - Ballerina Farm

The internet was quick to call her response 'staged,' and this is where it started to feel icky. Instead of listening to Hannah's response and accepting it at face-value, the internet doubled down.

I watched on, finding myself feeling exasperated, as creators started posting TikToks about Daniel 'caging a pretty bird,' a #freehannah movement and overlay of Hannah mothering, working and cooking alongside Paris Paloma's song 'Labour' which features lyrics like; Just an appendage, live to attend him so that he never lifts a finger. 24/7 baby machine so he can live out his picket fence dreams. It’s not an act of love if you make her. You make me do too much labour. 

I watched one TikTok where someone had zero-ed in on the photo of a ballerina Hannah has framed over her stove, lamenting how 'sad' it was and how it was 'obvious' she felt trapped and was missing dance. 

Sorry what? 

What started as a reaction to an article about Hannah and her trad-life has turned into ugly concern trolling that is no doubt doing more harm to her and her family than good. 

In a further response to the backlash, Hannah wrote a 1051 word 'about us' article on her website giving an insight into her background and her journey to Ballerina Farm. She spoke of knowing Daniel was 'the one', her struggles to fit into her dance community at times - so different from the Mormon family and world she grew up in. 

She wrote about how she and Daniel fell in love with the agriculture industry while living in Brazil for four years with her words painting the picture of a woman in love with her life, not oppressed by it. 

We (being the internet) might not like her life, we might worry about her life and we might reject her life as being not for us. But it's time to accept that it's her life. Well done internet for showing her certain things she perhaps needs to interrogate, reflect on and challenge (working herself into bed for a week is not healthy). But it's time to leave her to it. 

Those posting about Hannah now, are making gross assumptions about how she feels and thinks. They're becoming as bad as the husband they criticise—putting words into her mouth and speaking for her. 

Hannah has told us what she thinks. She feels wounded from the article, and after responding to it has reverted back to sharing the kind of farm/kid/day-in-the-life style content she always has. 

Feminism and equality for women is about giving women choice. The choice to live whatever kind of life they want, even if that life means following a more traditional route. 

It's Hannah's choice, not ours. 

Read more about Ballerina Farm:

• A journalist attended 'Ballerina Farm'. What she discovered was less than idyllic.
• Ballerina Farm's Hannah Neeleman is being accused of creating a 'facade'. We're missing the real story.
• 'My life was the parallel of Ballerina Farm. This is why I'll never be a 'tradwife' again.'
• 'TikTok's tradwives are self-harm for millennial mothers.'

Feature image: Ballerina Farm.

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