Getting involved in other people’s friendships is always hard. Moreso when a third person tells you to intervene.
Mamamia reader Bonnie* writes:
You and another school Mum are starting to become friends. She is extremely nice and you get along well and have shared a couple of teas. In the past your young children have gotten along great.
The problem is that the children don’t get along so well anymore. In fact, it has actually been suggested (by the teacher) that it would be better for your child if you keep a distance from this other child. It is not a case of your child being physically harmed – more that the other child is maybe ‘too attached’ and that the children would benefit from some serious distance.
Unfortunately the other Mum is not aware of this situation, and is still keen to organise playdates.
What would you do? Would you tell the other Mum the whole story? Would you just say ‘the kids aren’t getting along at the moment so maybe we should all just give them some space’? Or would you still put the kids together and undermine what the teacher is doing, and has been recommending? No Mum wants to hear negatives about their kids, and you want to be very careful not to offend, but also to make sure that you do the best thing by your child.
Have you ever had to deal with a situation like this? Did your parents ever have to keep you away from a friend at school?
Top Comments
I am so appreciating all of this advice! I felt like I was too close to the situation to have a really clear head about it, and really wanted to know what others thought!
The difficult thing is that we are now coming in to the loooong holidays and it is a 'perfectly reasonable' thing for the other parent to suggest the kids get together over the holidays. I would actually prefer that they didn't get together at all as I am hoping that a nice long break from each other might help the situation if you know what I mean? If I got really lucky the other child might have some playdates with some other friends and be more attached to them by the time school starts back up. Unfortunately the other Mum also works full time business hours so the only times she is with her child is when the child is not at school (so meeting up while the kids are at school isn't an option).
Maybe I just try to be unavailable for any play dates and if I don't think I can politely refuse one I make sure there are several other children there? I do like this family - I just don't think that at this stage the relationship for the kids is going to be good for either of them (for the other child because they need to have other friends, and for my child for a similar reason).
What do you think?
My two cents, as I have been the 'other child'! Please encourage other child to try and make a wider circle of friends, if nessecary by limiting her time with your child. This is a lesson better learned early. I was a jealous and possessive friend for a while - I couldn't handle my friend playing with other people. When she moved I found it really hard to make other friends. By all means speak to the motehr if you are comfortable doing so, otherwise just cool off for a while! Good luck.