Housemates are the worst, right?
Using the hairdryer at five in the morning, never taking out the trash, vomiting on your bed after a big night out…
I’ve luckily been very #blessed with my housemates. I live with two girls, one’s a scientist and one’s a medical student. They’re clean, lovely and a pleasure to live with.
I know I’m the minority.
When we asked around the office today, we were gifted with these housemate horror stories:
1. The one with the strange dietary habits.
“He ate a raw egg on toast when he was drunk.”
2. The not-so-secret voyeurs.
“My roommate had sex in my bed and tried to deny it.”
3. The resentful entertainer.
"My flatmate used to yell and scream at guests when they arrived."
4. The scrimper.
"Used all of my tampons and didn't replace them or admit it was her."
5. The sex tape gone wrong.
"My housemate rented our living room out for a sexy video shoot and didn't tell us about it. (He was hoping to keep all of the money). I came home and there were three near naked women "performing" in our lounge room."
6. The exotic foodie.
“I lived with someone in my uni days who continually did very strange things. For instance, I came home one day to find her attempting to cook an entire duck in my toaster oven. Those things are not very big.”
7. The Dexter fanatic.
“I had a roomie who used to send us photos of dirty knives left in the kitchen.”
8. The almost-accidental homicide victim.
“My friend’s roommate came home drunk one night and ate the other roommate’s lasagne. In his drunken state he thought he should go into her room at 3am and apologise for doing so. She lost her sh*t and stabbed him in the stomach with a fork.”
9. The wannabe-Maxim model.
"My partner and I came home one day and my flatmate was wearing a sheet only and said her "beach shots" were cancelled due to rain so she just thought she'd lie all over the coffee table with her boobs out."
10. The green thumb.
"We had a housemate whose girlfriend used a plastic watering can in lieu of a bidet. One day our other housemates mum came to visit and we found her watering our plants with the Vagina can."
11. The elusive one.
"I had a roommate who moved out without telling any of us and continued paying rent."
12. The one who realised it was time to get a new lunch box.
“This girl I met once said she came home to find her lunch box filled with water and some undies soaking in there. They were her housemate’s period undies.”
13. The Single White Female scenario of nightmares.
“My friend once went into her flatmates room and saw a photo of her own mum.”
14. The free loader.
“An old housemate of mine used to go into my room when I wasn’t home and ‘borrow’ my clothes and bras and mysteriously, I wouldn’t see them again. Except in Facebook photos, years later.”
15. The cheese aficionado.
“My roommate used to constantly steal my cheese and that stuff is expensive so I had to start carving my name into the block like ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer’-style and they eventually stopped.”
16. The slip and slide enthusiasts.
"Left a used condom in my shower. I kicked her out after that."
17. The vampire fiends.
"My housemate and the guy she was dating decided it was a good idea to crash in my bed one night without asking. Morning after, my pillows were covered in blood and she goes "sorry, Alex just got his wisdom teeth out and accidentally bled all over your pillows". I moved out three weeks later."
18. The weak bladder.
"I had a housemate who has a habit of pissing himself every time he got drunk, and then would deny it. Goodbye couch, cushions, throw rug."
19. The entrepreneur.
"I once came home to find a housemate had told three German backpackers they could 'crash' in his room for the three weeks he was travelling Vietnam."
Do you have any flatmate horror stories? Let us know in the comments.