If you had divorced your husband a decade ago, and he'd gone on to have three more children by two other women, would you feel responsible for those children? This is the dilemma one woman is facing.
She shared her story on the popular 'Am I the Asshole' sub-reddit recently, and unsurprisingly, the Reddit community has opinions. But let's start at the beginning.
This woman and her husband began having issues while she was expecting their second son. During this time, she said, he "regressed as a husband and a father", and the behaviour only got worse once the baby arrived.
They divorced, and he was denied shared custody. For the next few years, he saw their sons every other weekend and on alternative holidays. This was the norm for the next few years, but over that time, he "started being more involved" and was eventually granted 50 per cent shared custody with the original poster.
Around this time, the ex-husband also had a third child on the way with a different woman, and when their relationship ended, he was granted full custody of that child.
"He realised with three kids he needed to get his act together," the woman wrote.
Then, her ex-husband met his current wife, and had two more children with her.
A blended family turns messy.
For a while, the lid remained firm on the family blender, and even smoothed things over in the divorced couple’s relationship. That was, until his new marriage turned "rocky". The lid popped off, and the mess spilled out.
"As his marriage worsened he started treating me like a co-parent to all his kids," the woman wrote. "He'd bring his other children to custody exchanges and expected interactions between me and his other children."
What followed were babysitting requests, which the woman denied, and appeals for their boys' hand-me-downs for his other kids.
"We need to make sure they have adequate clothing," the man told his ex-wife.
She reminded her ex-husband that "there was no 'we'" anymore.
"He said, 'Of course there is, we're co-parents'," she said. "I said, 'Of our two, sure,' but not his other kids."
The demands continued. During back-to-school time, the father of five told his ex-wife that she hadn’t provided enough supplies to share evenly among his kids.
"I told him we don't have five children, we have two — the two I bought those for," she told Reddit. "I told him I am responsible for our children, not his three others. I told him he has a wife, they share two of those children, the other is in their home, so it's up to them."
His retort? He and his current wife "don’t have a lot of money".
"He said I [couldn't] possibly take care of just two of them, not when we're co-parenting and all five kids live together 50 per cent of the time," the woman explained. "He said I should be a part of the community to help raise these kids and keeping my distance like I do is so dang cold."
What does Reddit have to say?
Overwhelmingly, Reddit supported the original poster, and declared her 'NTA' (not the a**hole).
"Not your kids, not your problem," one user commented on the thread.
Another added: "I would tell him 'If you expect me to provide financially for your other children, you will need to get a court order directing me to do so. Until then I will provide for MY children only. You made the choice to have more children with a different mother. I did not.'"
"NTA Wowsers, he has some cheek," a third wrote. "Might be time to look for legal advice about this."
In a flood of colourful words directed at the ex-husband, some were empathetic to his financial situation.
"I think it's pretty clear he's financially stretched, why he's expecting your help with kids that are not yours can only be desperation," one user suggested.
"Have you spoken to him about that? I ask because you might find your kids are going hungry at his place. A lot of kids won’t talk about these things as they feel shame. You’re NTA but if they are financially struggling, knowing that is helpful."