'The sex talk my parents gave me at 12 years old, that I will give my children too.'

"It's time we had the talk," my Mum said, leading me towards the dining table.

12 years old and full of knowledge, I understood the conversation she mentioned. "I already know everything, so we probably don't need to," I replied. I had heard a LOT at school and honestly was certain I had it covered. In reality, I believed sex was open-mouth kissing, and that is where babies came from.

"No, you don't," said my Dad already waiting at the table. "All you know is what your friends have told you and none of them have had sex either." My face burned red as I realised he would be a part of this conversation. Why was I getting the talk from both of them!?

Watch: Teenagers speaks up about the basics of sexual consent. Post continues after video.

"Ok." I resigned myself to getting this chat over as soon as possible.

Dad: "Tracy, we are here to talk with you about sex. And sex is probably the best thing ever. Or one of the best and most fun things you can do. But just because it is so fun, doesn't mean you should do it with everyone."

Mum: "Yeah... you should at least like the person. And feel they are trustworthy."

Me: "What?! Obviously, I would be with someone that I loved."

Mum: "Yes, you may be, or you might just like them and feel like it."

Me: "I would have a boyfriend! And we would love each other. You should listen to yourselves. How long did you wait before you had sex with each other?"

Mum and Dad look at each other sheepishly.

Mum: "It was the first date, but look how well things turned out!"

Dad: "Lots of things don't work out how you plan. And that is something you do need to think about. Sometimes, unplanned things can come from having sex, like babies or sometimes diseases. And if you get those diseases that can impact the amount of sex you can have – sometimes for a short time or for a long time. So it is very important. But anyway, the basic thing is that sex is when a man puts his penis into a woman's vagina (*in this day and age I would change this part to be more inclusive of all genders)."

A look of complete disgust and horror disfigures me as the blood drains out of my face.

I realise the people sitting across from me are just basic animals. Fornicators. I am repulsed by this new and grotesque level of information I now have about my parents. I look at them with almost contempt for undertaking this disgusting act.

Me: "Do all adults do this?"

Mum: "Most of them. Some people don't, but anyone who has children has and most people who are adults have."

I sit stewing. I wonder if everyone washes thoroughly afterwards or if they are touching things with hands that have been doing sexual things. Ew.

My parents talked more about the details, contraception, embarrassing things that can happen and how important it is that you feel comfortable enough to laugh with someone about these things before you consider having sex with them. They also encouraged me to discuss it with them more if I had any more questions.

The enlightening experience that was this conversation was awkward, frank and, caring. Despite my twelve-year-old self being so shaken by this new knowledge, most people of that age these days probably know that having sex is not kissing.

Recently I have had conversations with my friends about their parent sex talks and was surprised to find that many had no sex talk at all, were just handed a book about it or were asked what they wanted to know (when they didn't even know what questions to ask). It made me realise the good points about how my parents taught me about sex.

1. They did it together.

I was mortified when I realised they would both be talking about this with me. But now I realise it was good to get both perspectives on it. I could see them talking about it easily and they thoughtfully added information as the conversation unfolded.

2. They introduced it as a positive (with no shame or judgment).

Many of my friends were told 'no sex before marriage'. Some of my friends from religious backgrounds were advised that sex was to have children, with no mention of fun or pleasure. They gave me specific information about how to do it and how to be safe.

Listen to This Glorious Mess where Andrew Daddo is back to give his sage advice to Leigh and Tegan about consent, puberty and sex. Post continues after podcast.

3. They told me embarrassing things can happen (funny noises, mistakes, falling over).

This was one thing that made me wait until I was 17 to have sex. They told me about noises that can come out of a woman that sound just like farts. 

They said this wasn't a big deal, and that if you couldn't laugh about this with a person, you probably should not have sex with them. My parents told me sex in the movies looks romantic, but in real life, people fall off beds, bang their heads and do other things that might be more funny than sexy.

4. They explained how important it was to be comfortable with the other person.

Setting the scene for falling off beds and making funny noises made me realise I wanted to feel safe with a person before getting intimate. Although I dated people before I was 17, I never felt like I could fart, fall off a bed and bang my head in front of them without feeling embarrassed. 

It also taught me that sex might be funny enough to laugh about. That took the pressure off the fear of being "bad in bed". If this person was a good friend, then we could just laugh about it and move on. As a teenager, I took parts of myself very seriously. I liked knowing that this could be an avenue for playfulness, creativity and fun and that is what I was looking for in a person to share the experience with.

5. They kept the conversation open.

My parents said they would start giving me a box of condoms every Christmas, just in case. They also encouraged me to come back with other questions and to tell them when I started so we could celebrate. This made it easy to go back to them. I never felt that the conversation was now closed and any opportunities for knowledge were forever lost.

I gave the condoms back every year until I turned 15, when I started thinking maybe I should keep them just in case. 

When I did have sex for the first time, it was with someone nice and fun that I trusted. He was my boyfriend, and we were in love. And I am glad that my first person was such a sweetheart. I went home and told my parents and they cooked me lunch and asked if we should go to get a prescription for the pill. Since then, I have had many experiences and spent time with men and women, but the same principles still applied.

Now I am a Mum and wife, and I have two boys and a girl. I am proud of my parents for being so brave as to have this conversation with me. I am grateful they told me what it can be like including the funny bits, and glad they did it together. I feel as though this conversation deeply impacted the way I made decisions about whom to be with, and that this knowledge vastly improved my life. My husband and I want to have the same conversation with our children, so that we have open communication and help them have a positive view when moving towards having their own sexual lives.

Their little sex talk made a big impact.

Feature Image: Getty.