You know that moment when one of your parents calls and you just know it's going to end with you feeling annoyed? That was me one November morning in 2020. Dad's number flashed on the screen, and I groaned internally. Our last chat was a heated conversation about money. Again. I was 36 years old but felt like I was still a child, especially when it came to my finances.
I almost didn't answer. But that guilt-inducing thing called daughterly duty kicked in so I picked up the phone. Little did I know, this call would change everything.
Growing up, money wasn't just money in our house. It was Dad's way of having control. I remember being six and getting a $2 coin as a reward. Excited, I announced my grand plans to splurge on lollies at the school canteen. Big mistake.
Dad's reaction was swift and harsh. He launched into a rant about the importance of saving that would make any financial advisor proud. My excitement quickly disappeared, replaced by a desperate need to prove I was worthy of his love. So, I saved that $2 coin, my subconscious mind learning that my worth was directly tied to my financial decisions.
This message was reinforced time and time again. My aunt who often experienced financial hardship would call weekly. She'd plead with my dad for money to pay bills or buy groceries. He'd lecture her on financial responsibility. Yet, he'd always end up giving her the money, much to Mum's absolute fury.
I can still hear Dad's warnings ringing in my ears: "If you don't get a good education and a stable job, you'll end up homeless."
This is something he said frequently, and it instilled so much financial fear in me which I'm still working through today. A part of me understands that he said this out of genuine love and wanting the best for me. But what I really needed was a father who believed in me.
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Fast forward to adulthood, and there I was, doubting every financial decision I made. What if this was the purchase that tipped me into homelessness? I'd regularly call Dad for advice, despite knowing deep down that his own financial choices were questionable at best.
No matter what I achieved - a better job, a nicer home, a reliable car - it was never enough for him. Slowly, and with the help of a good therapist, I realised our arguments weren't really about money. They were about control. His need for it, and my desperate fight for independence.
I realised money was his currency of love, dangled in front of me like a carrot. He'd offer to pay for car tyres or give me a house deposit, but he'd never follow through, blaming it on my supposed financial incompetence. Eventually, I'd had enough. I stopped engaging in these toxic money conversations, tired of not trusting myself.
Now, I listened to Dad's voice on the phone that early morning in November. I expected the usual berating. Instead, I heard slurred, garbled speech. My irritation evaporated, replaced by icy fear. Something was terribly wrong.
I called an ambulance and raced to the hospital. He'd had a stroke. The doctor said my quick thinking had saved his life. You'd think I'd feel proud, right? But the reality is, that years of financial manipulation had taken their toll. There are days when I wish I hadn't answered that call. I often think of that phone call as a sliding doors moment, and I wonder what my life would be like if he had died that day.
Months after Dad had been discharged from hospital and had recovered, he tried to dangle more financial carrots in front of me. I didn't engage in the money conversation that day, which angered my dad. He turned to me and screamed, "You're nothing without me!" And just like that, the words that had underpinned our entire relationship were out in the open.
Something inside me snapped. I realised he would never believe in me or my capabilities. No matter how hard I worked or what I achieved, I would never be enough for him. This moment became the catalyst for my journey from financial fear to financial freedom. Subconsciously, I'd let him control my financial future for far too long. It was time to take back control of my finances and my life.
The problem was my subconscious money blocks were continuing to run the show. These deeply ingrained beliefs were formed in childhood. Every financial decision in my life up to this point was made based on the stories I'd been telling myself about my worth. But I was determined to heal my relationship with money.
Building up my self-worth and overcoming my money stories was a journey. I discovered that my financial fears and money blocks weren't just in my head - they were held in my body too. This made so much sense because my childhood experiences of money were full of anxiety that I hadn't been able to express.
As I began to work on my mind-body connection, something incredible happened. I started to feel a shift not just in my money mindset, but in my physical being. The knot in my stomach when discussing money loosened. The tension in my shoulders when making financial decisions eased. It was as if my body was finally letting go of the fear that had been programmed into it for so long.
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This journey of awareness and healing became the foundation for my financial transformation. By acknowledging these blocks and working through them, I was able to start rewriting my money story - one that wasn't dictated by my father's fears, but by my own dreams and aspirations. I discovered I was capable, strong, and decisive. Most importantly, I recognised my own worth - a worth not tied to my bank account or my father's approval.
These days, I don't speak to my dad all that often. I wish our relationship was different, but the reality is not everyone has parents who they can have a relationship with.
Since then, I've started my own business helping women heal their relationship with money using body-based techniques. I want women to feel financially empowered. It's not just about making money - it's about owning your self-worth so that you can feel worthy and deserving of the success you create.
To any woman out there struggling with similar financial fears and self-doubt, you're not alone. And remember this: Your worth isn't defined by anyone else's expectations. Your future self is waiting for you to take that first brave step towards transformation.
Eloise is a Money Relationship Coach & Psychologist who helps women heal their relationship with money using body-based techniques so they can feel more excited about making more income and impact in their business.
Connect with her on Instagram, listen to her podcast, Rich Woman Rising, or visit her website.
Feature image: Supplied.