by ROB MILLS
Over the last few weeks and months, I keep hearing, reading and being told that there is a man drought here in Australia.
And you know what? Notsomuch.
I hate to break it to you ladies but it’s just not true. What is actually going on here is a total breakdown in male-female communication caused by game playing.
The reason so many women are left feeling exhausted and anxious that they haven’t met the right guy has NOTHING to do with the lack of men – and all to do with the games.
Game playing isn’t good. It leaves you all clammed up and cold. It stops you from being open and honest with your feelings. It tends to mean that someone gets hurt.
And. It leaves the good guys finishing last, again.
So I’m here today to stand up for the good guys of Australia. Guys like John.
John (made up name obviously, in fact, let’s make him John Smith just for added originality) has recently fallen head over heels for a girl he works with. Things are going along rather well – except for the fact she’s playing the game of “we can hold hands when we’re in IKEA on the weekend looking at brightly coloured plastic furniture but don’t talk to me at work when we’re around my friends”.
Could. Not. Be. More. Frustrating.
Sure, the whole ‘let’s keep our relationship secret’ act might be fun for a while but ultimately: it’s either on or it’s not.
John is one of the good guys (who I am boldly defending here with my cape on and undies on the outside of my pants) and has been upfront about his feelings. Yet she’s too busy playing games to just be honest in return.
As adults, why shouldn’t we be able to say to one another, “I really like you, but I’m not so into you that I want a relationship. Thanks for the hot sex but I just don’t want to lead you on anymore.”
And this isn’t the only game being played.
It seems to me that girls now have timers on how long they will wait for a guy to text them after numbers have been exchanged. But I’d always thought girls wanted you to wait 3 days to get in contact so you didn’t look too keen.
So the rules of the game now CONTRADICT one another. How are us humble blokes supposed to win?
A girl recently hit me up on text, let’s call her Jane (surname Smith once again, but not related to hypothetical John. There are lots of Smiths) about a date that I’d planned at a hotel.
“Hey babe, not sure if you’re overly amped about tonight, neither am I. I mean I want to have a special night with you, but do you feel like it’s the right time? It might be what we need, but in saying that, it might just be a whole lot of pretending, know what I mean?
No Jane. No. I do not know what you mean.
We have only been seeing each other for under a month.
I thought a night in a hotel would be a nice way to spend the night.
So I asked you.
You said yes.
Date organized.
And now this? No. I do not know what you mean.
The problem with the sneaky little SMS is that it doesn’t convey tone, doesn’t allow for subtlety and doesn’t fall nicely into the rhythm of a new relationship.
If we took the SMS out of the equation it would cut out the whole insane thought process that constantly spirals out of control from one conversation or misread text message.
We’ve all been there: What did he/she mean when “Ok babe, I’ll speak to you soon” comes up? What?! Soon?! Like tonight? Tomorrow?! If we accidentally bump into each other in the street in a year from now?! And why was there no “X” at the end of the message? Does she/he not want to kiss me anymore?!!! They are definitely seeing someone else.
Let’s all calm down. Let’s keep things simple. Do things the old fashioned way.
My conclusion? The SMS is an invention of evil and a key strategic device of the game players. And it must stop. This new technology is making game playing EVEN WORSE. It is ruining the game. So I’m taking my pieces, pocketing my dice, packing up my board and going home.
As a representative of nice guys everywhere, I am imploring you ladies: to pick up the phone and talk to the person you like. And if you don’t like them, then be really 19th century and go to SEE THEM IN PERSON and tell them that.
Sure it hurts, but it hurts a whole lot less in the long run.
Rob Mills is an actor, singer, and part time dancer. He’s currently starring in the musical Legally Blonde and was previously the host of Young Talent Time. Find him on Twitter here.
Are you or were you a game player? Do you think the SMS has made dating life easier or harder?
Top Comments
Excellent response here
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I don't think either of the women in your article were game-playing in any way.
The first was being professional and adult by not bringing a personal relationship into the workplace where it could have dire consequences for both parties. Even if things go well she risks her professional reputation (unfortunately women still have to deal with this) and if things go badly the company could ask one or both to leave.
The second was being upfront and honest about not being comfortable with you inviting her to a hotel room for a date when you'd been seeing each other for less than a month!!! Seriously, if a guy did that to me I'd be really uncomfortable.
It's the kind of thing that puts you in an awkward position of being put on the spot with what outwardly seems like a nice gesture but upon reflection just puts a lot of pressure on you to have sex. (That's what the point was right? You weren't inviting her there so she could watch a movie with you then sleep in separate beds or just go home. You were putting her in a position where it was clear you were expecting to have sex with her and you'd known her less than a month.) I would think you'd be happier she was being honest; she could have just lied and made up an excuse not to go but she was trying to address the actual issue she has with it. Try being a bit more sensitive maybe? She's trying to tell you she's not comfortable with what you've arranged.
What I'm seeing in this article is more a case of "This woman isn't being totally compliant and doing everything I want her to, when I want her to and how I want her to, therefore she's playing games. Isn't she awful. Why won't she just do what I want because, clearly, if what she's saying doesn't make sense to me with my big man-brain it must just be woman-nonsense" Thanks for mansplaining that to me Millsy, but I disagree.
I think better communication is always good but both parties need to be involved. Your nice guy John should discuss any problems he has with his girlfriend and be a bit more aware of issues like her professional reputation. And you need to talk to the girl you're dating and maybe look at whether you were being a bit presumptious expecting hotel sex from a girl you've known less than a month.
As a woman myself, I think all of that is a bit unfair.
Let's take the situation with John. I think that your point about the office is fair - she may well be concerned about her professional reputation and good on her for looking after her career. However, as Millsy said in the article, not acknowledging the relationship to her friends? I think if the gender roles were reversed a whole lot of women would be outraged by that, and I agree with Millsy that I feel that in this way she may be playing games and frankly disrespecting this poor guy who just wants to be with her and for her to be proud of that.
Then let's look at Millsy's situation. Yes, a hotel room does (heavily) imply sex - but let's face it, if they've been together a month in the current dating scene they're probably already way past that. On top of this, if the woman had a problem with this date, sure she absolutely should say something - but not via text after its all been booked! As Rob said, he asked, she said yes, he thought all was great - to get a text on the day of (!!) after he's probably paid for a nice room that would not be refundable (!!) thinking he was being romantic and nice - I would be pissed off too! And her text didn't say anything about being uncomfortable - it was a whole lot of meandering crap that sounded, quite frankly, a lot like game playing!
I agree with poor Rob - girls, cut the crap, say what you mean and give these poor guys a break - they are not mind readers and if they are good guys will 99% completely understand if you explain your reasoning to them rather than leaving them confused and feeling trodden on. Also think about how you would feel if a guy did all of this to you - I think if this article had been written by a woman describing the same situations with men, the sisterhood would be up in arms.