When you first fall in love, you have a lot of sex.
It’s euphemistically referred to as ‘staying in bed all day.’ What it means is having sex twice, maybe three times, until you’re both exhausted. I would say for most couples this lasts a few weeks and it happens when they see each other on the weekend.
Before I met my sex addict boyfriend, I used to think I was a pretty sexual person. When we fell in love we stayed in bed all day for an entire year. We didn’t have sex two or three times a day. We often had sex up to five times a day, every day. If you count non-penetrative sex, the number would be more like eight to ten times a day. I’d leave his house after these extreme sessions, and feel physically exhausted and emotionally confused. He would text me not long after I’d left telling me he’d been jerking off.
So what really happened in that year? Here’s what it’s like to love a sex addict.
You will get over your sexual hang ups. Whether you want to or not.
Before I met the sex addict, I used to consider myself a pretty open minded person. I very quickly learned that I was a serious novice. I hated having sex with the light on. That changed on the first night. Turns out there were a lot of things on my I-Would-Never-Do-That list. Sex addicts love I-Would-Never-Do-That lists – for them, it’s a list of your boundaries and a guide book of how to break them.
When it came to sex, there really was nothing my partner hadn’t done. Early on in our relationship, we shared how many sexual partners we had both had. I sheepishly muttered that mine was somewhere in the vicinity of 15. The number was actually much lower – I’d always been in relationships. He told me, without much hesitation, that he had slept with ‘about 450 women.’ As the year wore on, I’d find out so much more. He’d engaged in threesomes. Orgies. Group sex. He’d hired prostitutes. Porn stars. He’d been with men. He’d used every toy under the sun. He’d even been married.
Top Comments
This is really well written Phoebe - thanks for sharing
Thanks Kimbo!
I just separated from my husband who is also a sex addict though my story is a bit different. Rather than wanting a lot of sex with me, he was more obsessed with pornography and phone sex chat lines. Then in July I found out he was sleeping with really cheap drug addicted prostitutes, while his family were staying with us on a visit from the UK. I came across a website for the partners of sex addicts and the advice was all consistent, leave and don't look back because they will cover their lies with more lies and they never change. I didn't listen. Now six months later I am waiting for yet another round of std test results and struggle through horrible depression all day every day.
If your partner is cheating or "sexting" other people and it's something you wouldn't do yourself, get the hell out as soon as you can. It doesn't matter how much he treats you like a princess or says that you are the centre of his world, it is all fake. Being with a sex addict is as unhealthy as being with a drug addict, and these men are often also very manipulative and will psychologically abuse their partners. Run while you can, because once you lose yourself completely, it's very hard to find your way back.
You are a strong woman to leave, all the best for the future xx