“I still feel guilty for what happened. I know I shouldn’t have had her in bed with me.”
A young mother, torn apart by guilt over the death of her daughter, has vowed to never have another baby after her six-week-old daughter died while co-sleeping with her.
Sequioa Eddy, 18, says she is still haunted by the morning in February when she woke to find her newborn baby, Nevaeh, dead alongside her.
The young mother from Christchurch in New Zealand was overcome with exhaustion when she took her baby into her own bed for the first time in February this year.
She told The New Zealand Herald that her daughter had her own bassinet and co-sleeping was a one off.
“It was just the first time I had slept with her. She was just a mummy’s girl and didn’t go to sleep without mum.”
“I woke up at 7.30 in the morning and she was still breathing, and then I woke up at 8.25am and she was dead. I woke up to her dead next to me.”
Ms Eddy, who fell pregnant at the age of 17, gave birth the same day her mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.
While her mother battled the disease Ms Eddy cared for her three younger brothers, 13-year-old twins and an 11-year-old.
Tragically a week after the death of baby Nevaeh Ms Eddy’s mother died as well.
“It’s been such a struggle to come to terms with this.
“I can’t change what happened … but I can’t stop wishing that I could. I sucked it all in and didn’t cry, I didn’t have time to. I do have my moments now and then.”
“She [her mother] died in my arms six days after my daughter. It was sad watching her be in so much pain and I couldn’t do anything.
Ms Eddy says when she woke up to her daughter’s lifeless body she tried to resuscitate her using CPR but she could not revive her.
The Coroner yesterday released his findings into the baby’s death saying that it was a stark reminder of the risks of co-sleeping and a “classical summary of what ought not to have occurred”.
“It is hoped that the publicity provided to the circumstances of the death of baby Nevaeh will serve as a warning to others that the risks of co-sleeping are real.”
In Australia studies show that 80 per cent of babies spend some time co-sleeping in the first six months of life. In NSW alone 44 per cent of the 480 infants that died suddenly and unexpectedly in NSW since 2003 were infants that were co-sleeping.
In 2012 the Victorian coroner weighed into the co-sleeping debate, criticising the inconsistent advice that parents get about babies sleeping in the same bed as their parents.
The coroner was looking into the deaths of four babies aged between 10 weeks and five months. All were the victims of sudden infant death syndrome, and all were in bed with at least one of their parents.
At the time researchers from the University of Queensland’s Centre for Mothers & Babies expressed their concerns about his findings.
QCMB Director Professor Sue Kruske said “It is not the act of bed sharing that is solely responsible for these deaths”.
“Rather it is other environmental factors that occur in combination with bed sharing.”
She said the vast majority of ‘co-sleeping deaths’ were in the context of other circumstances including smoking, alcohol and drug use and unsafe adult sleep environments.
“Prohibiting bed-sharing will actually lead to more harmful practices such as falling asleep with the baby on a couch, which is known to be dangerous, as well as increased cases of babies falling,” she said.
She said research showed many benefits for babies who bed-share safely with their parents, including improved breastfeeding duration rates, improved settling with reduced crying, more infant arousals which are protective for baby, and improved maternal sleep.
Whilst many co-sleeping advocates argue that it is a long held tradition in a variety of countries Dr Penny Gregory of the ACT Children and Young People Death Review Committee told the SMH that these countries with a history of apparently successful co-sleeping had very different sleeping arrangements from Australia.
These included the bed being low and on the floor, or a hard surface, no pillows, or only small firm pillows, which could not smother an infant accidently. Similarly, blankets and bedding are small and thin.
Nevertheless the Australian Breastfeeding Association still advise that co-sleeping is beneficial for breastfeeding mothers stating that:
In the months since the death of her daughter and mother Sequioa Eddy has been herself battling serious postnatal depression as well as fighting to regain custody of her three young brothers.
For her the loss of her daughter has changed the trajectory of her life at just 18-years of age.
“I don’t plan on having any kids at all after this.” She told The New Zealand Herald.
“The whole thing, I just can’t do it again,” she said.
“I can’t even hold a baby since I lost my daughter.”
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Top Comments
To all the anti co-sleepers... Did none of you notice that the article states that 44% of sudden and unexpected infant deaths in NSW since 2003 were co-sleeping infants??? So in other words, 56% or over half were not co-sleeping. Honestly people, read the information more carefully. That statistic alone shows that there is little difference in danger levels between co-sleeping and non co-sleeping infants. If anything, it states that co-sleeping is safer.
Well yes if you completely ignore that fact that most people DONT co-sleep!, 44% coming from 10% of infants is hardly a positive outcome, and most certainly doesn't state co-sleeping is safer, quite the opposite in fact!.
This was a really hard article to read and made me question my own sleep practices.
For the first 5 weeks of my babies life, she slept in her bassinet, I was scared I would roll on her. In the early weeks, she breastfed for ages, sometimes up to 1.5 hours while trying to build up milk supply.
One night she fed for ages, and she fell asleep in my arms, and I almost dropped her on the floor because I was exhausted and I fell asleep in an upright position. Luckily my mother walked into the room at that moment and caught her as she was slipping. Then it kept happening, I kept falling asleep while holding her. It didn't feel safe to me at all.
I spoke to a midwife about it who suggested I learn to feed her on my side and sleep. She told me to start off with naps and have someone watch me. That advice was perfect for me and I started co sleeping. Whenever my daughter woke up in the middle of the night, I put her on my boob and slept again.
When she was 10 weeks old, my husband and I moved to a developing country in the pacific for work. Everyone co sleeps here, everyone. Few can afford cots. However because of the hot climate, bedding is limited. Most nights we don't use sheets.
Cosleeping has been great for my family. It has allowed me to continue breastfeeding and for us to get very good sleep. Another reason why we bed share is because unfortunately, home invasions are common in our town and it's just completely unsafe for her to sleep in another room as child abductions have occurred.
Great comment :)