baby

Kate looks... uncomfortable: An explanation for the very strange royal christening photo.

Excuse us but this is urgent.

There’s a gaping hole in the middle of baby Archie’s royal christening photo and no one knows why.

Why is there
Why is there
a gap...
a gap...
... in the middle of your photo.
... in the middle of your photo.
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The eight-week-old son of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex celebrated his christening in Windsor over the weekend – but all anyone can talk about is the photograph taken in the Green Drawing Room.

A body image expert named Judi James has declared that Kate Middleton looks "ready to flee" and Prince William is in "nightclub bouncer mode," which is... fine but still doesn't explain why half the photo simply is not filled with a person. 

So we've taken it upon ourselves to assess the image, and have come up with a number of theories to explain the bizarre situation unfolding in this poor child's christening photo.

Ahem.

Watch Meghan Markle and Prince Harry from birth until now below. Post continues after video. 

1. Archie had an... accident.

You might notice that while all individuals on the left side of the photo appear normal, there's something wrong with literally everyone on the right.

In particular, William doesn't appear to be coping. At all.

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It seems highly likely that a certain baby Archie did a poo poo the moment everyone sat down for the photo, and Sir, pls, you're a royal.

"Nah seriously George never did anything like that..."
"Nah seriously George never did anything like that..."

Of course, it's virtually impossible to change him at this point because he's wearing a goddamn historical gown that's approximately four times longer than he is. 'Darling, we can't get poo on the gown,' Harry calmly explained to Meghan. 'Granny would be very upset.'

So to try to minimise the impact of Archie's accident, Meghan has shuffled over so as not to assault Kate with the smell. But it's not... working.

If you look closely into the eyes of Meghan, she looks horrified. Like a mother who is begging her baby not to stain her white Dior dress with his overflowing excrement.

meghan markle
"If you leak I will never forgive you."
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2. Archie's hiding something.

What Ms Judi James appears to have missed in her body language assessment is that little Archie is clearly hiding something in his left fist. And it looks expensive.

archie
"Archie. Open your fist immediately."

We believe it might be a ring belonging to Kate, hence her strained expression, and a general sense that she's about to snatch something from the baby.

Archie looks proud but also duplicitous, while William seems to be laughing about Archie stealing from his wife.

archie christening
"Shut up William I want it back."
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3. There is someone sitting to Meghan's right. It's just a ghost.

It's clear that everyone in the photograph believes that there is someone sitting on that couch. That's why they're all arranged the way they are, and Meghan has been made to shuffle over.

Perhaps it was a grey-haired man in a 19th Century suit, who Meghan assumed Harry knew, and Harry assumed Meghan knew.

We can't be sure as to who it is, because once the picture was taken, the ghost became invisible. Obviously.

royal-christening
So creepy!

4. One of Archie's baby friends was meant to sit there.

Upon closer inspection, the space to Meghan's right is probably only big enough to fit a medium sized baby.

It seems likely that Archie was meant to have a baby friend sit next to him in the photo, but then the baby bailed on him last minute. Hence why Archie looks let down and disappointed. Archie wouldn't let anyone else sit there because that's where Jordan was meant to sit, thus leading to the peculiar gap.

archie
"Hey Jordan, I saved you a seat."
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It's the simplest and most logical explanation.

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