As my two daughters and I walked happily to the ultrasound room, we did not have a clue our lives were about to change forever. At the time, my biggest concern was that the technician would divulge the sex of our little one, as we wanted it to be a surprise at birth.
The technician was a woman of few words, and not very cheerful. I introduced myself and my two daughters and explained this was their first time seeing a sonogram. They were very excited to see a glimpse of their little brother or sister. We received few words from the technician until she frantically said, “I need to go see if a doctor is still here. I see something that isn’t right!”
She then walked out of the room, leaving my jelly-covered belly exposed.
Listen: Mia Freedman interviews entrepreneur and mum-of-three Vanessa Cranfield about what it’s like watching her daughter with Down syndrome grow up. (Post continues after audio…)
My daughters immediately asked if everything was alright. Although my heart was pounding, I reassured them it was. When the technician came back in, she told me, without a doctor present, she only saw three out of the four chambers of my baby’s heart and that he/she may have Down syndrome.
I was in complete shock and thought there must be some mistake. I was in protective mode for my two daughters standing beside me while trying to process the words I just heard. How could a person begin to make an unauthorised diagnosis in such a cold and heartless manner? This was supposed to be a happy memory that my daughters and I were to share together for the rest of our lives.
I reassured them, but inside, I felt confused. I didn’t know exactly what Down syndrome was, but how the news was delivered didn’t make me feel hopeful. I wanted my unborn baby to be healthy, and I wanted to continue to enjoy my pregnancy like I did with my other two children. My heart was incredibly heavy from so many unknowns.
A few weeks later, a specialist told me the possible prognosis: I could miscarry (which I have no history of), or, if our unborn child lived, the baby would go to the NICU, or our baby would have to be flown to Atlanta for emergency heart surgery.
The recommendation based on one ultrasound alone was to terminate the life of our child.
Just four hours later and after another test, I was told our baby did indeed have all four chambers of the heart, but a defect was present. I was also told countless times that our baby’s femur bones measured smaller than average.
I became very defensive and agitated after repeated recommendations to abort our baby. Was this life not worth living because of Down syndrome? Was this life not worth a chance because of a heart defect or because her femur bones measured smaller than average?
In a protective, defensive mode, I told the specialists not to mention abortion again and to not give me any more negative “what if” scenarios. I only wanted to know the facts and any positive sides of Down syndrome. I needed to be reassured of the love and beauty this child would bring to our family and others.
I believe God makes no mistakes, but I needed to be reminded of that.
I needed to know our unborn child would be the beautiful baby I had imagined, that she could do anything she put her mind to. I desperately needed to find families and stories of beautiful babies with Down syndrome, like my unborn daughter. I needed to know that our family would still be able to live life to the fullest.
In our appearance-focused society, it can be hard to accept what makes us different and embrace the differences of others. I am seeing more organisations supporting those with disabilities with love, compassion, and inclusion. This gives me hope!
My desire is to educate as I am being educated, and encourage those who are feeling the desperation I experienced.
This post originally appeared on The Mighty and has been republished with full permission.
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Top Comments
Medical professionals can be so brusque at times. A friend of our family has a son who has downs mildly. When she had him, the doctor told her she should know given she works with children (in a kindergarten). It doesn’t mean she loves him any less or that he isn’t perfect in their eyes. That’s the main takeaway this woman needs to remember. And hey if we were all the same, life would be pretty boring. By the use of “she” guess they did find out the sex which they didn’t want to though...
I feel like this author is more angry at the diagnosis rather than the health professionals. Asking a doctor not to tell you any of the negatives is not receiving the facts. The facts would be the positives and negatives. Her belief in God and him making no mistakes is not what drives medical decisions. It’s a bitter pill to swallow but something we have to acknowledge when we decide to bring children into the world. Our children may have a medical or psychosocial issue and we have to process that.
I’d have to disagree. I feel what initially triggered her rejection of such negative, over the top and absolute ‘treatment recommendations’ was the insensitivity of all her Health Carers, beginning with the ultrasonographer.
People with Down Syndrome can live fulfilling lengthy lives.
Just as you say, every child is at risk of developing medical, psychological issues...so...do they give you the option of ‘aborting’ your 20 year old when a Schotzophrenia diagnosis is given? Of cause not! That is ludicrous! Lol!
So what makes one life more valuable than another?
I have a friend with Down Syndrome who is 40 and FAR more capable of independent and responsible behavior/self care than my 20 year old schitzophrenic child.
Wether your motivation is your Faith, God, or simply a healthy respect for the right others have to preserve and protect their own life, it’s hardly something worth discriminating against this Mother for.
What type of Society do we have were Mothers ‘kill’ imperfect babes, and accept only the perfect.
No infant would ever survive! Because no one is perfect!
What chance would Human Kind have if all supposedly ‘nurturing mothers’ acted in this heartless manner.
The world would have missed out on so many ‘imperfect wonders’ who contributed notably to history.
If infanticide should be acceptable, we wouldn’t have had the likes of Steven Hawking, Albert Einstein, Vincent Van Gough...to name but a few!
Informed consent is about making a patient clear about all significant issues, but medicolegally, the negatives are something that must be covered. All well and good to say "don't tell me", but then come back and sue because "I was never made aware of this".
Stephen Hawking did not develop his medical condition until he was at university...it kind of negates the infanticide issue really.
Sarah is right. How did the author expect the news? There is no nice way to announce it. The author wanted to be wrapped in blissful ignorance and told her foetus' condition is all great, happiness, rainbows and sunshine. As we all know, that is impossible.
I disagree very very strongly with you. I feel it is very wrong and selfish to bring a child with a known severe lifelong disability into this world. We have these pre-natal tests for this very reason. To prevent this condition. And having psychological issues is not the same as having a permanent physical (heart, tongue/speech) disability and intellectual disability. I feel you are trying desperately to compare it and it simply won't work. And no one is talking about 'killing' imperfect babies, because they are not even babies yet, nor infants, so infanticide doesn't apply here. I think you need to look up the definition of infanticide it means killing a born infant/toddler. Not a foetus.