Long after a wedding is done, wedding photos live on.
They capture the day in all its glory, so it makes sense that if it’s your wedding day, you want to have good photos. Great photos, even, that you can look back on and reminisce.
But considering it’s about love and celebration and happiness… is making some of the most important people in your lives feel shitty just so you can have ‘symmetrical’ wedding photos all that important?
Uh oh. We share the worst requests we’ve ever received as a bridesmaid. Post continues below video.
No, it is not.
But one maid of honour has shared how her friend of nearly 30 years made her an (unsolicited) fitness plan so she’d drop 9-14 kilograms before the wedding.
The 33-year-old MOH posted to Reddit to ask for advice on how to handle to situation.
“My friend is a personal trainer and just got engaged to another personal trainer. All of their friends were met through the gym they both work at. I have known her since we were both 5. I am not a personal trainer.”
The woman said she was a US size 10 – which is an Australian size 14, a.k.a bang on average.
“I’m very comfortable with who I am, and my doctor is too,” she continued, before explaining how her friend had asked her to lose weight.
“Tonight she called me with the “best” news. Her fiancé and her are putting together a great workout and meal plan together for me. They figure if I drop 20-30lbs, the wedding pictures will be more ‘symmetric’.
“She was so happy and excited, like she was doing me a favour… I wasn’t even sure what to say so I just hung up and haven’t responded. I am completely flabbergasted.
“This isn’t a situation where I constantly bitch about my weight and then get mad when someone offers to help. I’ve never ask for help, I’ve never mentioned wanting to lose weight… They both just kind of took it upon themselves to ‘help me’.”
The woman said she planned to opt out of being MOH in the wedding, but was also second-guessing whether she wanted to attend at all.
Asking for advice on how to handle the situation, most responses implored her to ditch not only the wedding, but the friendship.
“So they care about ‘symmetrics’ more than the friendship? All about image… no friend… I’d decline to participate. That is so callous & inappropriate of them,” one person wrote.
“What the actual f*ck? No, that’s not okay. A real friend would never ask that of you either,” said another.
“I feel like this is a good time to reevaluate things and figure out how much you want to continue this relationship. It’s possible that there’s something to salvage, but I think she definitely tipped her hand regarding the disdain or disregard she has for you, physically at least,” another response said.
But there were also others wondering if the bride was just misguided, and questioned throwing away 30 years of friendship without getting to the bottom of it.
“Maybe she just put her foot in it… Maybe give her a second chance, explain that you don’t like having all this prepared without your consent, you are not interested and it’s really wasteful to focus on details so shallow as symmetry of the wedding pictures. A wedding is party just that, all you want is to spend a good day surrounded by those you love, eat well and get a few pictures capturing everyone’s happy faces and fancy dresses, that’s what she needs to remember,” said one person in favour of checking in with the bride before throwing away the friendship.
Another wrote: “It is f*cked up, there’s absolutely no denying that. But perhaps she needs a reality check. Maybe ask her what’s more important; having the people she truly cares about in her wedding pictures, or symmetry? If it’s the latter, don’t go, and maybe burn that bridge altogether while you’re at it.”
In a response, the MOH said she had decided to opt out of the wedding completely.
“I realise her job daily involved talking about all of this… and she is paid a premium for what she offered to do for free for me, but I’m not willing to just blame her career and let it slide. I’ve known her for almost 30 years. My earliest memories are with her. If she doesn’t know me well enough to realise how offensive this is, then she really doesn’t know me,” she said.
She then floated the idea of her and her husband taking their kids on a cruise instead, since they already have the time off.
Now that sounds like a great idea.
Top Comments
Just another case of a friendship, on the part of the bride anyway, which is style over substance. In any case, I’m size 14 and to me, that’s size sexy!
It seems she values how the outside looks, you value how the inside looks. Neither of you like what you see.
I’m not sure there is an accommodation to be had here, except to say, if losing weight would improve your health, you may like to consider it as good choice for you, coincidently making her happy. As you are not in the wrong, you could do it and make that your wedding gift to the couple, a bit of a backhander but you all move on with a deal you can all live with.
That is a terrible suggestion. The only reason to lose weight is because you want to, not as a present to anyone. We do not change our bodies for other peoples pleasure. And as she said, she is perfectly healthy and happy with her weight, so it is a categorically bad idea.
Like I said, if she wanted to do it for her, for her health that’s fine. But otherwise if she wants to save a lifelong relationship she’ll have to find some middle ground. What’s your suggestion to save it?
Why does someone have to find a middle ground if the other party is 100% in the wrong? Ultimately no one person has the right to expect or ask another to lose weight. If the lifelong relationship is to be salvaged, then the onus is on the bride-to-be to do all the accommodation in this case, and then some.
First like to hear the brides side of the story before 100% blaming her, and then some.