This DREAMBOAT guy gave his girlfriend a list of "rules" for her holiday. Try not to vomit.

A man has provided his girlfriend with a girls’ trip away ‘rule book’ , demanding she doesn’t talk to boys nor make eye contact with them because what else is a supportive boyfriend for?

Just this month, 20-year-old Josh Utting and 18-year-old Lucy Talton jetted off to separate holidays in Spain. Josh, kind enough to consider the fact women need guidelines when spending time apart from their better – better being the operate word here – halves, put a list together for all the ways it’s appropriate for her to act. Dreamboat! Where can I get me some of this?

After Lucy’s friend Ashleigh posted a photo of the rules on Twitter, the internet understandably fell over themselves trying to get themselves a boyfriend like Josh. No talking to boys? Yes sir! A drug test when I am home? I should be so lucky! (Except they didn’t, and I am kidding, and you can put down your pitch forks.)

The rule book went as follows:

1. No talking to boys. (That’s only like…50 per cent of people. Easy! Next.)
2. No photos with boys (including group photos). (Photo = you like a boy = you date  = you get married. Therefore, Josh wants Lucy to know if she takes a photo with a boy, she might as well marry him. I think?)
3. Don’t let a boy take a photo on your phone. (I feel like if Josh has written a rule saying Lucy shouldn’t be talking to boys, it’s going to be particularly hard for her to get them to take photos of her. He just wasted a rule with this one. Next.)
4. No adding boys on Snapchat, swapping numbers or Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. (If I was Lucy, I’d be following this one. I feel this is easy to track.)
5. No eye contact with boys. (Looking at elbows and knees is fine.)
6. No buying boys drinks or letting boys buy you drinks. ( ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)
7. No drugs, I will drug test you when you’re back. (Sorry what?)
8. Straight back to your hotel at the end of each night. (As opposed to sleeping on the… beach…?)
9. You can’t wingman your mates, they’re ugly enough to pull themselves. (I sense this is an oxymoron.)
10. If your girls have boys back leave the room and FaceTime me. (Cute.)

Josh told UNILAD that the list was “written purely just for a joke” and it was never “actually meant to be taken seriously”, but then very clearly and not at all confusingly backflipped and said “it wasn’t fully sent as a joke”.

“Obviously I didn’t want her to get with other lads on holiday, I just made the rules sound extreme for a laugh.”

But, of course.

To make matters worse, and to tie a neat bow around the entire tale, the duo then revealed they weren’t even a couple, just ‘seeing each other’ and they ended it after their holidays because, as it turns out, Josh was unfaithful. More than once.

Great.

As you were.

Do you have rules for your marriage?