Evil overlords everywhere should really take a page out of Barbie's playbook when it comes to world domination.
The upcoming film has already become less about a cinema experience and more about a global pop culture movement. One populated by brand deals, merchandise, the colour pink, and enough lore created around a decades-old line of dolls to rival the backstory of The Lord of the Rings.
Of course, the Barbie-core train itself left the station long ago (that TikTok algorithm is not going to feed itself) but nowadays, even those amongst us who had never favoured pastels and these strangely humanoid dolls in the past have been swept up in the movie's mania.
Which is how I found myself walking up the Instagram-worthy steps of Icebergs Dining Room and Bar in Bondi on the first day of the Barbie movie Australian press tour, and into a space that had been transformed into a lush Mattel commercial.
I was never really a Barbie girl myself growing up (not because I was a feminist, I just preferred those Sky Dancer dolls that whirled through the air and threatened to gouge your sibling's eyes out) but the hype and excitement surrounding this particular film tour was already hard to ignore.
Which is why that morning I had rifled desperately through my mostly black wardrobe to unearth the one item of pink clothing I owned, having never before felt like I had to theme dress for a day at work in order to match the movie release I was covering.
But such is the power of the Barbie machine.
Listen to Laura Brodnik describe what happened behind-the-scenes on the Australian Barbie press tour on The Spill.
The iconic Icebergs Bondi pool had been drained of every last drop in order to have the film name and release date scrawled across its surface, a sea of Barbie-themed beach chairs and umbrellas had been peppered around the venue and classic images of the dolls adorned the walls. You also couldn't turn around inside the venue without bumping into another pink-clad woman or a tray of brightly coloured drinks.
And to be honest, even my sceptic, nonchalant-towards-Barbie heart couldn't help but get a little swept away in it all.
As Barbie director and writer Greta Gerwig entered the room, she looked around and said, in her signature dreamlike voice- "At this very moment, just being here with all of you at the beach and here in Australia with all these talented people, I really am having a moment thinking to myself ‘oh, what a spectacular life this is'."
And spectacular it is, when you step into Barbie world.
Greta's entrance was followed by the luminous stars of the movie, Issa Rae who plays President Barbie, the film's central figure and producer Margot Robbie, who plays Stereotypical Barbie (I don't remember seeing that one in the catalog), and America Ferrera, who plays one of the lone, yet highly important, humans within the film.
It has to be said that before events like this and interviewing the cast and creatives about their work, it's usually mandatory to watch the film in question from start to finish.
But this time around the Barbie movie is under such strict lock and key that we were only treated to sections of it, while security watched our every move via night vision goggles to ensure no illegal recordings were taking place.
(But before you clock that up to Barbie mania, I sadly have to take away the thrill of it a little by adding that this is fairly standard practice in these types of screenings.)
I can't say much about the movie itself yet, because I'm sure somewhere Mattel has pictures of me and everyone I've ever met on some sort of watch list and would not hesitate to erase my existence via a puff of pink smoke should I breathe a word about what really goes on in this movie.
But after spending an afternoon with the cast and director I can repeat the movie's message by heart, a message that was trumpeted again and again by the women present during that Bondi afternoon.
Barbie is for everyone. Barbie is empowering. Barbie is not only aware of the criticism surrounding its premise but also leaning into it.
But above all, Barbie the movie is not at all what you expect it to be.
“I feel very grateful that Margo came to me almost four years ago and said ‘do you want to write a Barbie thing?'" Greta said, addressing the small group of journalists gathered in the Barbie room to hear about the film. "And I am grateful that in my postpartum haze four years ago, I said yes.
“It’s just been such an extraordinary confluence of so many people coming together and we got to make this wild, bananas Barbie movie.
“I grew up playing with Barbies," she continued. "But I also grew up with a mum who didn't love Barbie, which only made me more interested in her. So I had a lot of hand-me-down Barbies.
“And I went to the Mattel headquarters where they opened up all the archives and took me through their designs from 1959 until now. There were rules, but I think (with our movie) that we broke all of them."
When Margot Robbie herself entered the room and began to speak, it quickly became clear that every moment of the Barbie movie creation and publicity rollout was all part of a carefully crafted plan.
This was an actress who had very blatantly turned herself into a living doll during the press tour, adopting classic Barbie poses as she waved to the swarming group of photographers waiting for her outside the venue or posed within the pink poolside setup. She even changed from one show-stopping outfit to another classic Barbie look all before the rest of the room had time to scoop up a second drink.
But while the actress may have been the one posing for the Barbie photos, from the moment she opened her mouth to speak she instantly morphed into producer mode.
A producer who was quick to diminish any talk that Barbie was a gimmick film ("it's a top-quality movie" she noted) and one who would not be drawn into long conversations about what the Barbie movie means for women, and what kind of statement the film is trying to make.
“I was aware that the Barbie IP was floating around,” Margot said. “There was another movie that had kind of gotten up and running and then hadn't come to full fruition.
“So we'd been keeping tabs on the property and when there was an opening we jumped at the opportunity to sit down with the Mattel CEO. That was five years ago, and we pitched what we as a production company would do with a Barbie movie.
“The word (Barbie) itself is globally recognised," she continued. "And not only that, people have very strong feelings about Barbie.
“I definitely didn't want to portray Barbie as being vapid in any way, but she hasn't been exposed to as many concepts in her world as she’ll be exposed to in the real world. So it was a fine line between playing naivety without it coming across as unintelligent, and I didn't want her to seem ditzy.
"But, there are times in the movie where we lean into stereotypes."
As the Australian Barbie press tour wrapped and the cast continues on their global tour, much has been said about the extreme amount of money that must have been thrown behind the marketing of this film to already have it so strongly on everybody's radar.
But in this case, it's not just about the money, because there's a type of publicity at play here that you just can't buy.
What's secretly powering the Barbie marketing machine is that they've carefully given audiences permission to lean into a lush pink fantasy world, one that for years we've labelled problematic and steered clear of, all by wrapping it in inclusivity, emotion, and nostalgia.
It's quite an impressive feat to turn a doll so removed from reality into some kind of 'every woman', yet that's exactly what Margot Robbie and her team have done.
Laura Brodnik is Mamamia's Head of Entertainment and host of The Spill podcast. You can follow her on Instagram here.
Feature Image: Universal Pictures/Supplied
Barbie releases in Australian cinemas Thursday, July 20.
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