Angeline didn't question her cult upbringing until she was a teenager. Why would she, when she was raised in a religious vacuum?
The German teen was grappling with her sexuality when she started to have doubts about the conservative teachings of her church. Though she was constantly belittled and criticised by her superiors, the impressionable girl remained passive — that was, until she watched her younger sibling undergo the same treatment.
Five years her junior, Angeline's sister was deemed a "virus" for wearing her hair in a ponytail, rather than a church-approved braid or bun. She was then informed that her skirt was too short and would "lead men to sin".
After first sharing her story on YouTube, Angeline later spoke with Mamamia about the experience.
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"When it was just me being criticised, I genuinely believed that I was the problem," Angeline told us. "[But] seeing my sister at 12 years old being objectified by these men who claimed to be doing God's work — it broke something in me."
Not long after that, a church leader reprimanded Angeline for what would be the last time.
"I'll never forget that day," she shared. "He called me into a small, windowless room, closed the door, and then started picking apart every detail about my appearance. Something about my eyebrows, the height of my heels, the tiniest things.
"And the worst part?" she added.
"I had been trying so hard. I followed every rule, trying in every possible way to be modest, but it was never enough."
It was in the minutes that followed that Angeline made her decision.
"After praying for me, he asked if I was going to change, and I said 'yes'. But in that exact moment, I knew what I was really saying. I wasn't going to change my appearance — I was going to change my life.
"That 'yes' was my promise to never step foot in that church again."
But leaving a cult after almost two decades isn't easy, particularly with unsupportive parents.
"My father screamed that I was going to hell, and my mother stopped eating, telling me that if she ended up in a mental institution, it would be my fault. I was the reason for her suffering," Angeline told Mamamia.
"It was incredibly painful. Our relationship is better now than it was, mainly because they know they can't control me anymore. They still try, though, so I maintain some distance for the sake of my wellbeing."
Without her parents' support, it was a lonely existence at first.
"One of the hardest parts for me was definitely losing the sense of community," Angeline said of her early days outside the cult.
"Up until then, I had spent almost every day in that church. Every relationship, friendship and connection I had was tied to it — it was my entire life. Leaving meant losing all of that."
Having been told by the church that the "outside world" was a "gruesome and dangerous place", Angeline was terrified of what would happen next.
"Stepping into it felt like walking into complete darkness," she shared, adding that "rebuilding" her identity has been an "ongoing process".
"It's been about reconnecting with who I really am. I've always been creative, and that's played a huge role in my healing — through art, music and expressing myself freely," she said.
"I'm speaking out publicly for the first time and showing my true self: my experiences, values and sexuality — all the parts of me I once hid and suppressed because of the shame the church imposed.
"Every time I share my story on my YouTube channel, Angeline I'm reminded of the strength I have. For the first time, I'm proud of who I am and what I stand for."
Feature Image: YouTube/@angelineblue