How does a mother say a final goodbye to her son?

No mother should have to endure this. No person should endure this.

Today, Helen Chan and Raji Sukumaran will say goodbye to their sons.

I can’t stop thinking about how they are spending the precious last hours they have.

I can’t stop thinking about how, for them, every second in this long day must be made to last a lifetime.

Every minute is one step closer to the agonizing time they have to say good-bye.

If the executions do go ahead tonight, Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran’s mothers Raji Sukumaran and Helen Chan are currently saying goodbye. And that is heartbreaking.

Five hours. That is all the families had to say farewell to the babies they brought up.

Five hours to reach out for one last embrace. Just five hours to say what there is left to say.

How do you fathom that? How do you process it?

I can’t possibly begin to understand what they are doing, saying, how they are feeling.

I can’t imagine how they can breathe.  And yet they do. Because that’s what mothers do don’t they?

They breathe through the unthinkable, they square themselves up against the challenges and move through because that’s what you do for your child.

No matter what your thoughts are on the death penalty there is no way to elucidate what anguish Raji Sukumaran and Helen Chan are feeling.

Related content: This is how the Bali Nine duo will spend their last hours on earth.

Their mothers today travelled to Nusa Kambangan to navigate an angry invasive media pack.

They had to stare down police dogs. They had to comfort their own relatives who were shaking with fear as they entered the compound to visit their sons.

Just entering the prison to see their sons on what may turn out to be their final day has been a harrowing, ugly, despicable experience.

Today is a day no mother should go through. The role of a mother is to watch out for her son, to nurture him, protect him and guide him.  Their role is not to say goodbye.

Of all people, Andrew Chan knows that best.

In an interview with  AAP, he explained the depth of his love and empathy for his mother.

“Imagine your mother, or you know, your father picking up that telephone call… It’s heartbreaking. It’s obviously harder on them than it is on yourself.”

“It’s not right you know. A mother’s not supposed to bury their kid,” Chan said.

It’s a stomach turning, gut wrenching kind heartbreak I feel.

But that’s not even vaguely comparable with the anguish of Chan and Sukumaran’s families.

I have tried to put myself in their shoes. The shoes of these mothers who have had ten years to dread this day but I feel invasive. It feels like too precious a moment to intrude.

Because theirs is a private agony that try as we do not one of us could understand.

So instead I offer solidarity.

With them I stand for mercy.

An Amnesty International campaign paying tribute to the Bali duo:

Read more:

Ben Quilty’s heart-breaking message to the Indonesian President.

These are the people who are due to be executed alongside the Bali Nine duo tonight.

Myuran Sukumaran has painted a moving tribute to the Indonesian President.

Who is Andrew Chan’s wife?

This is what the world could lose in 72 hours.

‘A heroin overdose killed by brother. But I stand for Mercy.’

Australian celebrities plead: “Save our boys, Mr Abbott.”

The self-portrait that says more than a thousand words about how it feels to face death.

“My life is an absolute waste”: A letter from Andrew Chan.