Farewell dear American Alex, the only reason we were watching Bachelor in Paradise.

*Warning: thirsty post ahead*

There was something very strange going on in Bachelor in Paradise this season.

And no, it wasn’t the couple-swapping game of musical chairs that intensified 10-fold each episode.

It was sheer the lack of attention on Alex.

American Alex, we mean.

Known by his real birth name of Alex Bordyukov, from Season 13 of US The Bachelorette.

As in this fella:

I’ll just leave this with you for your later personal use. #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/HlrZ855hKy

— Osher Günsberg (@oshergunsberg) April 9, 2019

The guy has one of those faces that make you feel as though you might spontaneously forget how to speak and maybe breathe if you look directly at him.

No, really.

LOOK:

I don’t actually have a recap for tonight but if I did, here it is #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/Y4oKh8wz1G

— Tahlia Pritchard (@Tahls) April 16, 2019

AND AGAIN IN SLOW-MO:

 

View this post on Instagram

 

I meant, I move slow emotionally, not in slow motion… Thank you for the warmest and the kindest (maybe a bit hyperbolic) of welcomes, for this foreigner, @bachelorinparadiseau! #bachelorinparadiseau

A post shared by Alex Bordyukov (@alex_bordy) on Apr 9, 2019 at 6:39pm PDT

From day one in Fiji, the female contestants seemed more interested in Paddy and Nathan (!!!) than Alex, who not only looks like a Greek God but is lovely and normal and kind and sweet.

… By which we mean he hasn’t made any sleazy comments or picked random fights with people and GAVE BROOKE HIS JUMPER WHEN SHE WAS COLD.

Standards were… low, but seriously: What. Is. Going. On?!

Okay, yes, he did seem very hung up on Brooke for half the season, but we fail to understand why no other women (apart from intruder Zoe and later fellow American Caroline) seemed to try to get to know him.

And as he disappeared into the moonlight hand-in-hand with Caroline tonight, disappearing from our lives forever, we can’t help but lament the fact that HE BARELY HAD ANY SCREEN TIME.

It was very sad for him (us).

…We the viewing public were not ready to see him sent home.

Behold, from the thirsty depths of Twitter:

jules has never had a girlfriend, when he is adorably weird and fun. what the fuck is wrong with the world. people are ignoring american alex who literally looks like a greek god. ladies, like i’ll take one for the team here ok ????‍♀️????‍♀️????‍♀️ #BachelorInParadiseau

— Hannah Jane (@hannah_solo_) April 16, 2019

It’s been 3 days, how has no one kissed American Alex?? This is insanity #BachelorInParadiseAU

— Natalie Bethel (@natalie19815) April 16, 2019

Dear Producers.

Keep showing shirtless American Alex and I may forgive you for not keeping Vanessa Sunshine on the island at all costs. #bachelorinparadiseau

— Simone (@Sim_oneL) April 11, 2019

American Alex: *Makes Brooke hot chocolate when she gets back from her date*
American Alex: *Gives Brooke the shirt off his back cos shes cold*
Nathan: *makes fart noises in the water*#BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/Qv0JUIiwuT

— Hailey. (@HAILEY_wood) April 16, 2019

American ALEX is right there! What is going on? Why aren’t they after him?! ????
Does he not clean his teeth? Does he correct people’s grammar? Did he vote for that President? WHY? #BachelorInParadiseAU

— The artist formerly known as (@Pocket_Osher) April 17, 2019

How does this show actually end? Is there a prize? ….. is it American Alex’s abs? ???? #BachelorInParadiseAU

— Kate (@KikkiTee) April 17, 2019

Farewell, American Alex, and on behalf of Australia: thank you.