In 1865 he put a dating profile in the local paper. 152 years later it gets Tinder translated.

A dating profile from 1865 is circulating the internet, and boy, was it a simpler time.

The ad starts with “Chance for a spinster” which personally offends me (but also, pick me!).

The ad writer then goes on to detail everything he could offer a potential wife including “a good set of teeth” and “nine sheep, a two-year-old bull and two heifers”. And honestly, he sounds like a pretty good catch.

The bachelor says he wants to “buy bread-and-butter, hoop-skirts, and waterfalls for some person of the female persuasion” during his life.

Waterfalls … WATERFALLS?

When was the last time a man said they would buy you a waterfall? (See how quickly we forgot the good teeth and two heifers?)

This ad might make you appreciate modern dentistry but it also makes you realise dating profiles haven’t changed much in 152 years.

Replace “heifers and sheep” with “bachelor pad and Subaru” and “I don’t know how to do it” with “my friends say I’m sensitive” and you’ve got basically every second profile on Tinder.

In the spirit of helping any man, even a dead one, we’ve translated old mate’s ad from 1865 for 2017 (coming to a Tinder profile near you).

CHANCE FOR A CHEEKY PASH. A young man in Sydney, Australia is looking for a hook-up: "Welcome to the gun show, ladies. I'm 28 years old and 6ft2. I work hard but play harder. Straya! Love the gym, the boys, and my nine-month-old staffy, Machete. I work in insurance during the week and DJ on the weekends. Don't live with my parents and drive a new car. Looking for someone who loves life (YOLO), loves adventure and likes the finer things in life. Like natural looking women. No duck faces need apply. I can show you my waterfall. Keen? Let's meet up for a $10 schnitty (my shout) and see how we go. P.S. If you don't look like your pics, you're buying the beers until you do.

Would a slow dating app work? Post continues...

Form an orderly cue please, ladies.