“So, she can hold a crayon on her own and draw?”
“Uh… yeah, kind of. Sometimes I help. It’s all scribbles anyways. Barely recognisable. Most of the time the table gets more crayon than the paper.”
I hear myself back tracking. Why did I tell her about the drawing my daughter just handed me?
Read more: 12 things babies play with that we forgot were fun.
My best friend and I fell pregnant at the same time. It was wonderful. Having someone else to go through the pregnancy journey with.
And when we gave birth five days apart to girls, there was barely a need for Mother's Group. We'd basically had our own Mother's Group. We spoke on the day everyday before the babies came along, so there was no problem feeling awkward about texting her at 2am when I was up. She was most likely up too.
We decided that our girls would be best friends too.
The problem started when our babies started hitting their milestones. First, it was the first smile. The first word. The first to crawl. The first unassisted stand. The first steps. All done by my baby first. Who is technically the older of the two.
Read more: The 10 parenting milestones you should laugh at. Not cry about.
At first, we laughed about it. Knowing that babies develop at different speeds and it didn't mean anything. Hell, some kids take six months longer than another kid, and then they are the genius in their class in high school.
But now that our babies are 15 months old...it's become so awkward.
I purposefully try not to tell her what my daughter has been up to. I feel like I'm treading on eggshells.
Whenever I do, she tells me that her daughter hasn't done that yet.
I avoid her questions when she asks me whether my daughter has done this or done that yet. She has. She actually did it a month before the development app said she would.
After their first birthdays, my best friend started to tell me that she's worried her daughter is "slow". That maybe there is something wrong with her. There isn't. At least nothing obvious.
I try to say all the things I'm meant to say. "Babies develop at different rates. There's nothing wrong with her, she'll get there." I just feel so judgey when I say them.
I sometimes even make up stories about posts I've read or parents I've met whose baby didn't reach their milestones until much later and then caught up with all the other babies.
The thing is, it's become so awkward.
I no longer want to tell her stories about my baby girl, because I worry that I'm just going to upset her.
Read more: 14 things no one tells you about having a baby girl.
I don't want the two girls to have play dates. Because I can see my friend watching my daughter like a hawk to see what she can do that her daughter can't.
I also don't want to downplay my daughter's achievements. I love the scribbles she gives me. I love that she can hold a spoon and attempt to feed herself (even if the dog gets more of her dinner than when I feed her). I love that she can hold a cup and sip from it on her own.
I want to be proud of my daughter's achievements. I don't want to feel ashamed that she's "ahead" of another baby. But I also don't want to hurt my best friend or make her feel that her daughter isn't smart enough.
Do you have any advice for this mum on how to handle the situation?
The writer is known to The Motherish but has requested to remain anonymous to protect her friend.