So many stories! I have a friend who is ALWAYS bringing her husband, unannounced, to a one to one chat or coffee saying with a smile ‘he just wanted to come!’ He’s a nice guy and I like him but she’s the one I want to chat to about my intimate stuff. Occasionally I brave up and tell her I don’t want him to come but it’s exhausting to always have to remember to say that.

Another close friend- I am old friends with her AND her partner- although closer to her now. They both agree with me about one on one chats so she ALWAYS asks if I want it to be 3 of us or just us two. Following her very thoughtful example, I always try to ask someone if my husband is invited or not

My husband is like Jessie- he loves social stuff and likes most of my friends and is always asking if he can come on a coffee date etc. Often I say no to him if it is just me and a friend- I don’t even ask my friend if he can come- because I want them to feel safe to tell me stuff (and sometimes I don’t want my husband there either)

I also have a different friend who 15 years later is still sulking that I didn’t invite her boyfriend to our wedding she later married him but at the time they had been going out for 2 weeks

But I have also been involved with family weddings where the relatively new partner of an uncle etc was not invited and it has been because the family don’t like them

Such a fraught issue! My opinion is it’s always best to ask before just assuming your partner will come and if you’re doing a wedding etc let your friend relative know that you didn’t invite their partner but it’s not a message of disapproval

Totally agree! So many songs I loved. She lives in my head. Favourites are ‘The Miracle of Birth’ and ‘Buttload of cats’

Thank you from another tall gal (5’11) with short torso, long leg.  

No one cuts of their parents or their family lightly. No matter what has happened there is a small child deep down inside of you that wants to love your family unconditionally and be loved unconditionally. My parents did do the best they could. I’m only now realising they had their own traumas that shaped their parenting. But there are ways they interact with me even now that mean I have to be careful how much of my life they are a part of. This is something I have come to understand through therapy. My kids are young and I hope they always want to see me. But I understand that when they are grown up they must be in charge of their own lives. They don’t ‘owe’ me contact and I don’t own them. This is something my parents will never understand.

Thank you for writing this. My son is 6 and still not a great sleeper. We tried everything too. Even doctors and other health professionals seem to think this is our fault. It has improved over time from terrible when he was a baby to bearable but not great, but I get the ‘why me?’ sads too sometimes. 

As someone who has worked both boring and easy jobs and stressful and hard jobs I pick busy over bored any day. But I’m fortunate that my current job is interesting but not crazy busy right now. I think the worst is a job you hate that is busy. I’ve had those too, and they were hands down the worst

Hey Jessie- best advice I got was from a colleague with kids. She said to me - if you can afford it- tell your work you will be on maternity leave for longer than you think you need. You can always come back ‘early’. But if you need more, then you have it already planned for with your work. She was right. I did need more than I thought. Was really glad I’d taker her advice.

I agree with Holly. My partner was pretty good re night wakings but I had to insist he helped from the get go. my sister in law, and at least 2 of my friends all do the nights solo even now because ‘he finds it hard to be tired’. F that.

Jesse, he can do the nappy changes and resettling after feeds so YOU can sleep. But swapping nights if that’s an option can be good too.

If you are breastfeeding, highly recommend getting someone to teach you to do a lie down feed much easier when you are exhausted.

Jessie, I recommend hot milk bras if you want maternity bras that are pretty

I’m a feminist who totally agrees with Holly on an intellectual level. But I can’t lie- when my husband proposed I felt special, unique and chosen. Weirdest part when I told people that I wasn’t changing my name. All the people of my mother’s, second wave feminism generation just nodded respectfully. All the women my own age were horrified and surprised. Even my feminist friends who themselves don’t believe in marriage. It was so unsettling.