Okay, the world has officially gone mad.
I understand that everyone wants a piece of the Frozen empire but perhaps the new iPhone game where you perform a c-section to deliver the baby of Anna and Krisoff might be taking things a little too far.
Yeah, you read that right.
After the discovery of their true love, Anna and Krisoff live happily ever after and are expecting their first child. Anna's at the end of her pregnancy and it's your job to birth that child.
Don't worry though, there's no need to look at Anna's royal v-jay jay (that would be totally inappropriate).
All the kids need to do is to perform a FRIGGIN C SECTION on her!
In the name of research, I downloaded the game onto my phone. To say it was an eye opener would be an understatement.
The game opens with a snapshot of the steps you need to take in order to find yourself 'with child'.
Firstly, be a single good looking princess, then meet a guy, court him and get married. Easy! The final image in the snapshot series shows Anna in the late stages of pregnancy and looking nothing like the swollen hippo that I was in the same situation.
They left out the pictures of Anna hovered over the porcelain pool hacking her guts up, or peeing the equivalent of a well hydrated race horse, so one can assume she's suffered none of that.
Now it's time for the fun to begin.
Anna was spared the same birthing experience as I had, and was allowed to remain in her princess appropriate clothes. I was a little miffed at this point in the game, as I thought everyone got to experience the true joy of laying paralysed and starkas on a table while strangers continue conversations about golf and off street parking while copping an eye full of your pubes.
Before you begin, you need to make sure Anna is in good health to be sliced open and that the baby is also ready for its entrance into the world. A foetal heart rate monitor indicates that she's good to go.
Having 2 C-sections myself, I was disappointed to see that Anna was also spared the repeated attempts at locating the correct spinal cavity with an epidural and instead, you're provided with a flashing hypodermic needle. Don't worry if your children are unfamiliar with intravenous drug use, a red cross will indicate exactly where you should stick the needle.
Anna seems happy and relaxed about what's about to take place and drifts peacefully off to sleep. We don't actually get to see which drugs you're giving Anna (you wouldn't want the kids to be exposed to something inappropriate would you?! ) but we can only assume it's the good stuff.
Now that she's out cold, a glowing orb like object starts flashing, indicating that this should be your tool of choice . You waft it over her swollen belly and it freezes her abdomen. Very lifelike.
In what seems totally ok for children of all ages, a sharp looking scalpel then appears in your hands and you run it over Anna's belly. This results in a bright purple line which one can assume is an open wound but looks nothing like the pictures my husband was snapping when I was in her position.
It must be a royal thing.
Next, the weird orb thing is back and when waved over her stomach, results in a baby crying and hovering over her tummy. It's just kinda suspended there with lots of lights and glitter flying about. Again, fairly different from my children who emerged into the world covered in blood and weird white goo.
Next, you grab the scalpel and cut the umbilical cord.
Then the baby magically flies through the air to get "cleaned up" (we assume).
Don't worry there's still a bit more to do on your part. My doctor obviously didn't have the same high tech surgical tools as those available to you because next, a magic healing wand illuminates.
Running it over Anna's stomach immediately heals the scar, flattens the belly and makes it look nothing like a woman who has carried a child. I for one, would like to know where to purchase such a tool. Is it on Amazon?
So there you have it, probably the weirdest thing I've ever looked up on my phone in the course of work related research. As has been highlighted by Mommyish in their coverage of the app, it's highly likely that Disney lawyers are busy at work as we speak drafting their cessation letters, so if you too would like to try the app, it's called Anna Giving Birth and lucky for you, it's free.
For me, I felt this game was totally out of the the realm of what should be considered appropriate for children. In fact, all jokes aside I found it quite dangerous. Needles, scalpels and incisions are not really something I need my 'Frozen' obsessed three-year-old to be exposed to.
Given that he chooses to copy most things he sees these days, I'll draw the line at a game in which the objective is to inject someone with medication and slice open their abdomen.
What do you think? Has this app gone too far?
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