There’s a NATO conference happening in London right now, which sounds real boring. But it’s… not.
It’s full of drama and backstabbing and scandal, and we can’t look away.
The conference actually has everything a decent coming-of-age high school drama series needs, and @Netflix, if you’re down, let’s talk.
There’s the popular, good-looking nice guy (Canadian PM Justin Trudeau), the loud kid who thinks he’s more likeable and funny than he really is (UK PM Boris Johnson), the no-bullshit debating captain (German chancellor Angela Merkel), the rich kids with no respect for anyone but themselves (the British Royals), the school bully with a fragile ego (take a guess) and a fairly decent supporting cast (everyone else).
Watch: The moment world leaders were caught bitching about Donald Trump. Post continues after video.
In the pilot episode, we meet all our characters. It culminates in a class photo, after which everyone gets mad about all the wrong things.
Here, we present, the class of 2019:
The world is outraged because that guy on the far right, President of the Czech Republic Miloš Zeman, decided to act silly even in the presence of school captain, Queen Elizabeth II.
Oh, goodness.
While most wonder what his punishment will be; a week of detention? Rubbish duty? A ban from prom?, we get stuck into some interesting side plots, like how squished Liz is, how Prince Charles is maybe asleep, how commanding a presence Johnson tries to have and how Trudeau is the Insta model of the political world.
The pilot episode is well received, so a full series is ordered. In episode two, Prince Charles wakes up from his nap and takes a more central role.
The future school captain and his rich family hold a function at their home and offer guests the traditional English welcome of a handshake, with a side of non-confrontational passive aggression.
When Trump arrives, Charles suddenly has... an itch. So he goes to scratch that itch, with a carefully selected finger.
Also of note is Charles' sister Princess Anne, who is told off by the Queen for not being in line to greet the Trumps. Anne shrugs in response, giving precisely no f*cks and becoming everyone's new favourite character.
But episode three is where the real drama begins.
The main storyline focuses on the battle lines drawn after a group of leaders take part in some non-subtle b*tching, setting up an interesting story arc for the rest of the series.
During a Tuesday evening event at Buckingham Palace, footage captures Johnson, Trudeau, French President Emmanuel Macron, Dutch PM Mark Rutte and Britain's current least-problematic royal Princess Anne engaging in some light roasting.
"Is that why you were late?" Johnson asks.
Macron, the strongest of our supporting cast, steps in to respond but Trudeau beats him to it: "He was late because he takes a forty-minute press conference," the Canadian PM jokes.
No one actually name drops the target of their conversation but... US President Donald Trump threw a very long, impromptu press conference with Macron the day before. That seems like an important detail.
Macron then says a few more inaudible things, which prompts a very passionate laugh from Rutte and a real zinger: "The fake news media!" he mocks.
The scene then cuts to Trudeau telling Princess Anne "I just watched his team's jaws just drop to the floor."
How will Trump respond to this obvious shade? We wonder, pressing play on the fourth and final episode.
Well, he responds like Trump.
"He is two-faced," Trump says about Trudeau during a press conference with Angela Merkel. She's bored.
He then says he believes Trudeau's sh*t talking was because Trump called out Canada for not spending enough money on defence.
"With Trudeau, he is a nice guy, I find him to be a very nice guy, but the fact is I called him out on the fact that he is not paying 2 per cent and I guess he is not very happy about it."
The gossip irks Trump, of course, so he tweets that he is leaving the party, oh sorry, the conference, early despite the fact there were plenty more school days (or uh, diplomatic chats) to go.
Trudeau, whose character is excited to once again smile for a camera, brushes off the scandal.
"Every different leader has teams who, every now and then, have their jaws drop at unscheduled surprises - like that video itself, for example," he says.
We nod. That's so true.
And with that, the season draws to an end with a very exciting cliffhanger. Will Trudeau and Trump make up? Will Trump's absence lead to even more jabs? Will Macron be promoted a series regular?
We must wait and see.
Top Comments
The headlines get me every time
"We can... hear them bitching about Trump" - why did I read that with the the voice of Belinda Carlisle and Alex the Seal in my head?
Yeah, good one Macron. I guess when it comes to defending Europe, the French don’t have much to contribute that’s meaningful anyway based on their record.
Trudeau is two faced, that’s pretty black and white.
Many years ago I remember a Military spook telling me, 'if the world was a whorehouse, France would be its madam'.
I'm not sure we can make this one black & white, it's more shades of orange.