Imagine not seeing your children on Christmas morning. Countless divorced parents are faced with just that due to custody arrangements that can’t be altered, even for Christmas.
When parents separate, someone has to miss out on Christmas morning. Normally parents take turns, which means every second Christmas morning is met with silence, unopened presents and waiting for your children to arrive. Some parents don’t see their children on Christmas Day at all.
Sarah* was used to having her son every Christmas Day. His dad never questioned the arrangement until years later. When he first asked Sarah if he could have his son for Christmas Day she told him absolutely not. They didn’t have a formal custody arrangement at that stage and were still working with a mediator to get something in place.
He kept asking. It was only fair. She’d had their son every Christmas since the separation. It was his turn. Then, his extended family started pressuring him. She gave in. She knew it was only fair but also couldn’t imagine waking up Christmas morning without her son.
That Christmas was a lonely and sad time in her life. She writes:
I have had two Christmases without my 8-year-old and they sucked. My ex husband lives several hours away so we unfortunately don’t get to do a half day each which really is the fairest and most sensible thing. We now take alternate years but there is a fight each time because my ex husband usually wants to allow a few days travel time either side for the six hour journey. I actually find the extended family most difficult. Even though my son is with his father on Christmas they aren’t always available and then want even more time when I am trying to celebrate with my son and extended family.
The hardest part is watching my son showered in gifts that he isn’t allowed to bring home with him. He gets gifts to keep at dads house and gifts for Nanas house but never any gifts for him to bring home. He only sees his dad in school holidays so it upsets him and presents are starting to mean very little to him.
Somer Sherwood writes at xojane:
I knew this day — this separate-Christmases day — would come, but it snuck up on me. I didn’t think it would happen when my son was still so young.
I am about to spend my first childless Christmas in eight years, and I’m pretty depressed about it. For years I insisted I wasn’t “a Christmas person,” whatever that is, but after I had Oliver, that all changed. I AM SO INTO CHRISTMAS. It’s my favorite holiday — I love the music, the decorations, the gifts, and the food.
Do you only get to spend every other holiday with your kid(s)? Do you have to ship them off somewhere every other year? How do you manage? Do you just cry the whole time and eat peanut butter kisses? Because that is what I plan to do, if someone else will make them for me.
Rochelle* has always had her son for Christmas but knows the day will come when she doesn’t get to open presents with him on Christmas morning.
She writes:
Christmas, a time of family, giving, forgiving and peace. Wishful thinking? For families of divorce it can be. There is nothing worse than not being with your child at Christmas. This happened to me in the 2012 Christmas, my son went to Perth with his father and his father’s girlfriend so his father’s family could meet his new girlfriend. I gladly agreed to this as we agreed I would take my son for the 2013 Christmas.
My family is having a Christmas in the country this year and I really wanted my son and I to attend. Problem, it was not legally documented and my son’s father has changed his mind. Merry Christmas.
What arrangement do you and your ex follow for Christmas?
* Not her real name
