We know it all too well: Female pleasure can be hard to come by at the best of times.
Bring another person into the mix for partnered sex, and for many women who are still working out what they're into, orgasms are far from guaranteed.
And frankly, we don't talk about it enough.
That's why we're opening up the conversation, in a very intimate way. We asked our Mamamia audience to share their optimal sex routine; from the way they get themselves in the mood, to the sex positions that get them off, the thorough aftercare, and every detail in between, of course.
And let me tell you, they were excited to share.
We received over 100 responses, which we've narrowed down to a very interesting group of 12 women who aren't afraid to get candid.
Here are their orgasm-semi-guaranteed moves (because let's face it, sometimes even in the perfect conditions it's just not going to happen) to get them to climax between the sheets.
A 51-year-old woman who's started squirting since going through perimenopause.
My favourite position is cowgirl or the spider position (similar to cowgirl, but both I and my partner lean backwards).
I married a surfer, so my prerequisite for sex is no sand on him, and it's easier for me to come if I've done a poo. I can't feel rushed or I won't be able to reach orgasm.
To reach climax, I need to use a toy, and I sometimes think of someone else.
Since starting peri I've started squirting heaps, so my husband avoids going down on me, which pisses me off. When we're all done, I like to say thank you!
An 18-year-old single woman who has only orgasmed once, with her last partner.
My favourite position is doggy-style, as it gives a deeper penetration. I like it a bit rough, and it turns me on when they grab my waist or ass.
I enjoy foreplay in the way of flirty conversations and 'f*ck me eyes.' I like to tease them, which gets me really excited.
Once we're back home, I like having the lights off as I get self-conscious.
I've only climaxed through partnered sex once with my most recent partner. It took a lot of persistence and he really put my pleasure first which normally makes me feel bad or uncomfortable, but he seemed to enjoy it, which put me at ease.
Afterwards, I love cuddles in bed or the shower.
A 38-year-old sex worker says she likes doggy-style the best - if her partner's penis isn't too big.
I'm a sex worker, so sex is work for me and 'enjoying' it isn't usually the point.
That being said, doggy-style is my favourite position if I like the guy I'm having sex with, if he finishes fast, and if his dick isn't huge.
I like to set the mood by dimming the lights and showering beforehand.
Of all the men I have sex with on a weekly basis, about four of them get me off out of 20.
We usually wrap up when a buzzer goes off as their time is up. I love hearing the buzzer as it means it's over and I can go downstairs, get a snack and be with myself!
A 27-year-old woman in a three-year-long relationship who likes missionary best.
Missionary is my favourite position as my partner can kiss my mouth and breasts, whilst I have comfortable access to stimulating my clitoris with either my hand or with a vibrator.
My optimal (but not essential) mood-setting would be a good hour of wind down time post dinner/dishes to relax mentally and physically. We'd then shower together with some steamy kisses, an oil massage from my partner, and then boom! I also feel particularly sexy if I’ve had a good workout that day.
Clitoral stimulation is definitely required for me to reach orgasm, but add in internal stimulation, with some nipple sucking and dirty talk, and I'm guaranteed to finish.
Toys aren't necessary, but sometimes help out when my forearm starts cramping up at 99 per cent!
Sadly I never orgasmed with my previous partners in my late teens and early twenties. But with plenty of experimenting through masturbation and with my current partner, I've worked out a good routine!
A 49-year-old single woman who loves having sex with the lights on.
My favourite position is lying on my stomach with the man behind me. There's just something about that angle!
To set the mood, I always need the lights on. Why would you want to hide? A shower before is great but not necessary. I don't need a mood enhancer if the guy is hot.
I rarely orgasm from sex with a man, but come quickly from masturbating.
When we're done, I want to get up and go. I never let a man stay the night!
A 26-year-old bisexual woman who thinks of other women to get off with her boyfriend.
My favourite sex position is spooning because it's easy, cuddly and there is accessibility for clit action at the same time. Missionary is great too, for intimacy and kissing, but it doesn't feel as deep.
I get knee pain, so a lot of the positions I like for depth like doggy-style and cowgirl can get painful quickly!
My favourite kind of foreplay would include kissing, touching, nipple play and caressing. Toys aren't necessary, but often help. During sex, my partner will use a vibrator on me or watch me use it on myself.
Sometimes to reach orgasm, I will think of other girls (my partner is male). He knows about this and doesn't mind! It still makes me feel guilty though.
I'll orgasm from penetrative sex about 50 per cent of the time, and another 30 per cent my partner will help me or watch me finish with a toy or masturbation.
A 32-year-old woman in a de facto relationship experimenting with everything in the bedroom post emergency c-section.
My favourite sex position is cow girl as I like the control and can typically find a good position to orgasm.
I recently had a child via emergency c-section and I'm still trying to 'refind' myself while navigating a new body that's not the same as it used to be, with a scar I didn't intend on having.
Climaxing can be more difficult now, so we use toys; whether it's vibrators or whips in dominatrix play. I will often replay porn in my head, rub my clitoris or talk dirty with my partner.
A 30-year-old bisexual woman who likes sex in front of full-length mirrors.
My favourite position is doggy as I can bounce my ass and the angle is great, especially after I've been to the gym and had a shower, in front of full-length mirrors so both of us can watch from all angles.
Sometimes I need the help of toys, and I have a whole box of them, but I will almost always orgasm without any technological help when I'm on top and can dictate the pace, angle and pressure.
After sex, my boyfriend and I will usually cuddle, kiss and have a shower. I'm having the best sex of my life with my current partner, and it's been amazing having such a strong mutual respect for each other.
A 34-year-old woman in a relationship of seven years who calls herself 'spaghetti straight'.
I've been in a straight relationship for seven years, but I'd call myself 'spaghetti straight'... i.e. straight, until I'm hot and wet.
I've had a couple of encounters with women in the past, but I typically go for men.
I always like to shower before sex, unless it's spontaneous and in the morning.
My favourite position is doggy style because I like the feeling of being taken from behind, and I can access my clit with my hands.
To reach orgasm, I always need clitoral stimulation using my fingers or a vibrator. In partnered sex, my partner will usually bring me to orgasm with his fingers or mouth first, then during penetrative sex I can come once or twice more.
A 44-year-old woman who's two years into a new relationship, after being married for 20 years.
I usually orgasm from sex in cowgirl, but my partner and I will do plenty of positions before that. He will usually finish in doggy-style, but I can't climax from it.
I love spontaneous pool sex or standing up in the bedroom. This rarely leads to climax for either of us. It's more for fun and builds the tension. We love soft lighting, gentle tunes and usually lots of oral pleasure (69ing) before we have sex.
When we're having sex, I sometimes imagine I'm being watched by others to help me get off. Sometimes just one of us will climax, but we enjoy touching and talking about next time.
A 57-year-old woman in a new relationship who is post-menopausal, and enjoying sex more than ever.
My favourite sex position is me, lying on my back at the edge of the bed with my legs in the air, and my partner standing at the edge of the bed and holding my legs.
My relationship is new, so we have sex pretty much whenever we can with a bit of warm lights and quiet music.
I climax very easily with clitoral stimulation, or in doggy style with his testicles hitting my clit. I can usually climax 2-3 times in a session.
I am post-menopausal and enjoy sex with my partner because he spends lots of time on foreplay.
A 31-year-old single woman who likes sex after dark, and in a private location.
My favourite sex position is cowgirl because it gives me some control over depth, penetration, pace and stimulation of my whole vulva.
I like to have sex after dark and in a private location with no one else in the house, low lighting and both of us being fresh and presentable.
I usually orgasm during foreplay from being gently fingered or receiving oral sex. If I'm with a new partner I like to guide their fingers to help find my sweet spot.
I'm multi-orgasmic and come quite easily, so I like to have one before penetration, which helps with penetration, then again during P-in-V sex.
I find that after sex and before sleep is a good time to check in with my partner to see where they're at. It can be an interesting window for honest and intimate conversations especially for men after being so vulnerable.
I also feel connected and open so I'm more likely to have deeper conversations if it feels right.
Feature Image: Getty/Mamamia
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