By: Stephanie for Divorced Moms.
Your children’s lives got caught in your quest for love when you decided to have an affair. Your children didn’t ask to have their family split in two because mummy finally found her prince charming. Now they must shuttle back and forth whether they like it or not. One day they will ask why their lives are here and there; if you are truly honest like you say, you will have to look them in the eye and tell them that you chose to follow the passion of a lover in secrecy instead of being strong and ending your marriage in an honourable way.
You are your boys’ role model. When they grow up, they will want to be like their mum and dad. When teaching children, to be honest, kind, and dedicated people, the first thing they look to is their mum’s example. How are you going to explain that you only thought of yourself and disregarded what your whole family unit stood for? Are you going to say to your sons, “I just needed passion in my life? Passion is the most important thing. It’s more important than family or honesty or respect.”
In the meantime, your children may lose sleep, withdraw in school, or have trouble with friends. They may become disinterested in a subject or cry for random reasons throughout the day. (I should know as I see this in my classroom.) Eventually, they will adjust and be okay, but they will remember what they went through as kids. Here is the kicker, though; one day they will know the reason they went through it. Your choice cost them the peace of mind from knowing that they have parents who they can trust. If you had left honourably, at least your children could say, “It just wasn’t meant to be,” or “They weren’t a good match.” How do they trust mum if she is lying to the whole family and sneaking around behind everyone’s back?
Image via iStock.You can find yourself and change your life in many ways. Were you in a crappy marriage? So, end it, solve your problems like a grown adult, and then find yourself. Go on a holiday. Get a new job. See a counsellor. Read a self-help book. Move for God’s sake, but running around and destroying people’s lives for you to feel better about yourself is not okay. I don’t care how sad and desperate or depressing your life was, or how much you connected with your friend, cheating is not the answer.
Cheating is hurtful. It is raw. It is selfish and awful and something you can’t undo by a sorry or saying that you learned from it or that you fucked up. It doesn’t go away.
Now that your life is better, take a look around you. Look at the carnage in your wake. What did it cost for you to finally feel good about yourself? How many lives did you alter and change? I hope it was worth it to you. To say that this affair “Changed Your Life for the Better” is like a slap in the face to all women who had husbands lie and sneak and deceive. Bravo for you. I’m glad you are better now because of your lie.
From the wife of a cheater and a mother of two,
Stephanie
This article was originally published on Divorced Moms.
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Top Comments
I am so sick of reading about the "wronged woman". I was the "other woman" in a relationship and I tell you it was not as cold-hearted and thoughtless as often made out. Years of anguish and guilt and tears before we finally were able to be together. Neither of us took it lightly and we both tried so hard to not only end our relationship but to mend our marriages. Yes children suffer but that suffering (in our case) was made worse by his wife who used the children as weapons. There is a difference between a serial cheater and someone who leaves an unhappy marriage for good reason.
I agree Gen x seems that the wife is always so much more pissed at the other woman than her own husband. It takes two to tango. Something must be wrong in a marriage if one party wants to see if the other side is greener. I grow up in a beautiful family my parents were married for fifty years. I knew from the age of eight that my parents were in an open marriage. This simply meant they had intimate relationships with others, though came home every night to each other and made sure that they were constantly there for their children. They did not believe in divorce as they wanted their children to grow up in a loving stable home. All their children have now go on to marry and been married for numerous years. Non are in open marriages non have had divorces. It's essential that when you get married you are completely honest throughout your marriage. If you have children you stay married until your children are grown as you two are the ones who brought them into this world. Grown ups need to act like grown ups. So stop blaming others look at your actions within a marriage before you judge the person you partner has had an affair with.