Nine reasons every woman deserves to treat herself.

Here are some things I have achieved today: I wrestled my hair into a bun after a disastrous pincurl experiment last night. I applied an almost-even line of liquid eyeliner. I got up from my seat on the train for an elderly man. I ingeniously used a microwave to make scrambled eggs. I contemplated my life choices.

It’s not even 9am yet.

I realise these achievements pale in comparison to those of other women – say, those who completed similar feats before coffee and with the addition of children.

However, when you add the daily accomplishments of women everywhere – from pulling off sequinned trackpants to creating, then sustaining human life with our own bodies – you realise that women are pretty great. We never stop. We keep everything spinning. And for that, we deserve a goddamn medal — or at least a lot of ice-cream.

Here are some more reasons we women need to be less self-deprecating, and more filled with self-admiration.

1. We’re incredible communicators.

Women are always being told we need to stop apologising, be more straight-talking, don’t add things like, “if that makes sense” to the end of sentences. But you know what? Women speak fewer words than men in a day, and we use them much more effectively.

Research has shown that men “have a weaker command of language in social situations, use the same words repeatedly and pay unconvincing compliments,” while women have “superior communication skills” and “use a wider variety of words in social situations.” So you know what? I think I’ll keep talking just exactly how I like. If that makes sense.

2. We had the self-confidence to rock scrunchies, and the self-awareness to know when it was time to say goodbye.

Ditto for teased fringes, hipster jeans, and those teeny, tiny little backpacks that could only fit a wallet and single slim tampon.

3. We are always first to be rescued off sinking ships.

Women and children first, men! We came out of the Titanic situation better than most, because, as everyone knows, women are indispensable.

4. We deal with a monthly affliction without so much as a sick day.

Men suffer illnesses — loudly and piteously. I would love to know how they’d deal with bleeding from a nether orifice on the regular, as well as the accompanying charming hormonal effects and pain. Yes, I really would.

5. We always have a plan.

“I have an idea that the phrase ‘weaker sex’ was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm,” said poet Ogden Nash. I tend to concur.

6. We have to consider our breasts in everything we do.

We wear restrictive material with wire stuck in it just to contain a naturally-occurring part of our bodies. Even so, sometimes I have to hold my boobs to run down the stairs. Sometimes I don’t go in the surf because it’s too rough and I’m concerned by bikini top will come off. Sometimes I don’t wear tops that reveal too much top-of-breast in case someone considers me unprofessional. How can breasts be unprofessional, I ask you?

7. We feel things deeply.

Once, I cried when Karl and Susan broke up (this was around the second or third time, so as you can imagine my nerves were frayed) on Neighbours. Sometimes, when a dog is particularly joyous, my eyes well up. Yesterday, I tried to convince a friend to give me his cat, because of the way it was looking at me.

8. We don’t have anything to wear.

And we experience this hardship almost every single day of our lives, unless it’s the day directly after a new item has been acquired.

9. Beyonce.

That is all.

When do you treat yourself?