As told to Nama Winston.
When you tell people you got into debt pretending to be someone you’re not, they think you’ve been influenced by Instagram pics of people like Kylie Jenner.
But that’s not why I got into $120,000 of debt in just two years. I never showed off my purchases, and I wasn’t trying to impress anyone.
I was trying to get back at someone.
Watch: Mamamia Confessions – My debt is… Post continues after video.
It started when I moved to a new city at 31, after I’d broken up with a long-term boyfriend.
The ex had been extremely frugal and had us on a tight budget so we could buy a home. It was the source of all our arguments. Eventually, I resented him for watching every cent, because I felt so controlled.
And I didn’t feel like I was the person I wanted to be.
We both were hard-working, mid-level professionals, earning decent money, and I didn’t think there was any reason for me to not, for example, buy a new lipstick whenever I wanted. But he did.
I began to hide my purchases from him; and if he ever discovered them, he’d tell me I was ‘setting us back’.
Top Comments
I don’t think your ex was ‘right’ when he was so controlling that you ended up binge-spending afterwards. One person doesn’t get to decide the financial tone of a relationship
Maybe her ex was quite controlling with money because he knew this sort of spending was a risk? It seems unlikely that such prolifagate spending would just arrive was being frugal and accountable to another. Maybe there were more modest examples of bring carefree with money, which made her ex think that he better be on top of both their spending. Not saying that's the right thing to do, but it seems his anxiety was well founded.
It’s pretty normal psychologically for deprivation to lead to bingeing- it’s exactly the same principle that creates the diet/binge cycle that millions of people get stuck in.