Not sure if you want children? You’re not alone.
I wasn’t sure I wanted a baby. I agonised over the decision and it nearly destroyed me. While I’m now the happy mum of a gorgeous six-month old boy, I find myself constantly thinking back to life before my son and the paralysing indecision that took over my whole world.
When I hit my 30s, the ‘ticking clock’ syndrome hit hard. I’d tell myself that the decision to have children should be based on more than external pressures but the truth is, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be ready to have a child. So I took a ‘let’s see what happens’ approach and quickly fell pregnant.
Despite a textbook pregnancy, I spent the entire nine months feeling incredibly anxious. While I can now recognise how incredibly lucky I was to conceive, I couldn’t look past the enormity of my decision at the time. I questioned the entire world of motherhood and whether it was really for me. Perhaps it was pessimism talking but parenting seemed like very hard, unrewarding work. Everywhere I turned I was met with complaints and rants on the countless challenges of having children. Newborns in particular were a source of anxiety.
“The first few months are hell”, people would insist. “Say goodbye to sleep and try enjoy it while you can,” they’d advise.
Yikes! I would dread talking to others about the realities of the months ahead and did my utmost to avoid the many panic-mongering blogs and articles flooding my feeds.
Top Comments
I was so excited about becoming a mum.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was overjoyed. However, it wasn’t until after I had both my babies that I started to sense feelings of regret and shame that I wasn’t “mother” enough.
I see all my friends being great mums, they know just what to do, when to do it and seem to have everything together. Which of course I know is not true, because we all fall apart but these women are strong powerhouses!
I guess some women still feel like they made a mistake or they aren’t up to the “mothering” standards.
I know I certainly am not.
I love my children dearly and will always love them, but some days I do wish for a life without them.
However, once again on the flip side of that, I was so bloody lucky to conceive so I’ll never knock that gift horse in the mouth and I’m truely grateful for my two little blessings.
Some days are harder than others I guess.